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So i came out and...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by spyro657, Sep 2, 2013.

  1. spyro657

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    I cam out to my parents not too long ago and my mom took it well but my dad not so much... Anyways before you tell me to put this in the right section i will cut the the point. My dad did not take it too well so he added some new "house rules" Basicly saying I CANT SEE ANY OF MY FRIENDS! So i thought well that sucks i can't see them out of school so might as well see them in school WRONG! A week later they pulled me suddenly out of school and into homeschooling by my mom... Seriously! I really want to see my friends but i can't like i cant go over to there houses, Have them come over here, Or anything like that!

    I have been really depressed and upset and i tried talking to my dad about it and he just won't listen to me! I just don't know what to do! I regret coming out :tears:
     
  2. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    There are generally 5 stages of acceptance:

    1. Denial
    2. Anger
    3. Bargaining
    4. Depression
    5. Acceptance

    It's possible that your dad is somewhere between anger and bargaining

    Though this is more about self-acceptance, this thread might help you in some way: Five stages of grief when accepting yourself?
     
  3. Nick07

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    Your fatherdoesn't know how to deal with it. How old are you? A minor? He probably thinks that you are too young for sex and that if you know you are bi it must mean that you are doing 'something'. So he wants to keep an eye on you.

    It'a sign of him feeling helpless.
     
  4. Rice and Pepper

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    That's kind of extreme... Have you tried talking at least to your mom again? You should tell them that you feel locked up, lonely and depressed. Try to make them understand that what they are doing is damaging you. Avoid mentioning your sexuality, even if they do, because it really is irrelevant to your problem. Focus on the effects of their actions on you.

    I don't see another way through this. If you spend too much time in isolation, things will get rough and you will either lose your patience, or the whole thing will truly start getting to you.
     
  5. bingostring

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    (*hug*) This is such an overreaction by your parents. Whatever age you are.
    It is also sends you very strong homophobic messages.
    I hope they come to their senses soon and in the meantime you can work around it.

    But (if you are a minor) you may not be able to do much short term. The trick is to work things out your own way and at your own speed.

    You can chip away at your parents and they might soften once they get over the initial (unwarranted) shock.

    You can mention that isolating you from people your own age is hurtful and unnecessary and they should learn to trust you. You can begin with some trips out maybe and go from there.

    You are right to be upset about all this. I hope it works out OK.

    (*hug*)
     
  6. Robert

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    I obviously know very little about you and your situation but if I were you, I would disobey.

    Are you out to your friends? If not, now may be the time to come out to them. Look for support there. Go and find them and confide in them. They wont be able to save you from your dads idiocy but at least you will be able to see them and live a half decent life.

    Your dad is making you suffer unnecessarily for something you cant control and he wont understand. Why should you try and be reasonable if he wont listen to reason? If I were you, I would make his life a living hell.
     
  7. spyro657

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    Thank you guys with all the support! I will answer your guyses questions that you asked in the replies
    1. Yes i am a minor and am only 15
    2. I have talked to my mom but my dad is the "head of the house"
    3. I did come out to all my friends and they do know what is going on about me not be able to see them
    4. Also I can't really do anything about it because my parents get angry at about anything and when my dad is angry he wont let the other person talk

    Ugh i really miss my friends but i do skype with them and such! Hopefully things will change later on
     
  8. Nick07

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    You could try to call or contact a help line. I am sure there are a lot of them for kids and teenagers in your country. They could tell you if your parents have the right to not allow you to leave the house. I doubt it.
     
  9. Robert

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    Seeing as your dad doesnt listen when you talk, dont you think it would be a good idea to write him a letter?

    I've often found that people pay more attention to written words than spoken.
     
  10. AKTodd

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    In the United States parents most certainly do not have the right to keep their kids prisoner in the house. This is considered abuse and if Child Protective Services finds out, the state can come in and remove the child from the parents. Unfortunately, this can result in the child being put into the foster care system, which can be quite rough.

    Not sure if things have degenerated to the point where the OP would want to consider that course of action, but it is a possibility.

    Todd
     
  11. spyro657

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    Ok so i can leave the house just not go to friends houses... I have family that lives down the road with a boy the same age as me so i go over there often, I actually like going places on my bike! We have a few grocery stores, A movie theater, and i tend to go there a lot! I am far from being locked in my house but i just cant go to friends houses
     
  12. SimpleMan

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    It's possible your dad's next step will be to control your internet usage based on what you have described. Be sure to clear your internet history so he does not see this site. If your internet gets limited at home, the local library may have internet resources you can use if you have one nearby.

    Also here is the number to the GLBT National Help Center's Youth Hotline. They can help you know what your rights are in this situation under New York state law and may be able to tell you if you can protest being home schooled. I wasn't able to find this information online. 1-800-246-7743

    It would be helpful to find a trusted adult in your community whom you can confide in. This is something the hotline may be able to help you with.

    I would imagine your teachers are already concerned given how abruptly you were pulled from classes. Your school is probably paying far closer attention to your situation than you may realize as homeschooling is highly regulated in your state. Your parents may not realize just what they've gotten themselves into if they just pulled you out. Read this so you know what they are required to be doing by law. 100.10 Home Instruction:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:art 100 Regulations:EMSC:NYSED If they aren't able to meet these rules, don't be afraid to contact the school district. (Note: For some reason NYSED hasn't updated this site since 2009 so there could be updated laws.)

    And remember you aren't alone! Keep checking in with us here at EC if you can and let us know how you are doing.
     
    #12 SimpleMan, Sep 3, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2013