Do you actively like being gay? If so, why so?

I can't even express to you how stoked I am to be gay. Hard to explain why. It's just a part of me that I not only accept but embrace. It comes with its own sets of obstacles, but it comes with its own sets of advantages as well, and I simply choose to emphasize the advantages.

Lex

 

Yeah I need some advice too..

I've always felt ashamed of my sexuality.. and I still do..

 

I, being very particular about ideals, love my sexuality because it makes me unique, and if not for respect of my family, I would be out of the closet, unashamed, this very minute. Sure, being gay is hard, we're a minority after all, but life in the majority bores the life out of me.

The real question: why do you typically not enjoy being gay?

 

Well for starters if you meet someone really great you aren't stuck with the whole "Man I'd LOVE to be with that guy but he's a GUY" thing...

 

Oh, there's all sorts of reasons. Just off the top of my head:

* I think it adds to my individuality.

* I can watch porn or ogle guys with my boyfriend without it seeming weird.

* When I have sex with a guy, I already have a head start in knowing what his body is like. I know what the various body parts are, and what they feel like when manipulated, and how they're apt to respond. Not that all guys respond the same way, or that I couldn't learn how to work a woman's body, but I'm automatically several steps ahead on a guy.

* I've always thought masturbation was better for gays. When a straight guy fantasizes, he's thinking about breasts and vagina...and then he's stuck giving a guy a hand job. When I fantasize, I think about male parts...and I'll be damned - there's a set of male parts right there for me to play with!

* Being gay seems to have cut through a lot of "men are from mars" stuff that straight people seem to have to deal with. It's like we can reduce the mating dance to "so, you wanna?" I don't necessarily WANT to go to bed with people I've just met, but it's actually kinda nice for it to be an option.

* Being gay seems to have opened up my mind. I've learned to not be as judgmental about other people, and their likes, and their relationships, and what they find attractive.

* BUTTS. Seriously, man, butts.

Again, just off the top of my head. There's probably tons more.

Lex

 

Perhaps if you became involved in LGBT communities you would feel better and more accepting of yourself. You could meet gay friends and you might even find a romance -- try to keep the "pursuing friendship" mindset though. Of course, being American, I'm a bit ignorant of the LGBT atmosphere in the UK.

 

I love being gay. Guys rock (their bodies, the hairiness, their smell, having sex with them, all that good stuff)

I never went through any real issue with being upset or uncomfortable with being gay. I wasn't raised that way and I certainly wasn't raised to care much what other people think. Pretty much my whole family does whatever the hell they please and screw anyone who doesn't like it.

Being gay is part of who and what I am and I'm generally pretty happy with who and what I am. And if anyone tries to give me crap about it, I will make (and have made) them VERY unhappy campers.

Todd

 

I'm somewhere in between that stage of being upset about my orientation, and being damn bloody pleased with myself. I think the best way to put it would be the person who said "Passive acceptance". But literally with ever passing day I feel more and more happy with who I am, and after six or seven years of denying this part of myself that feels so good.

 

I for one wouldn't want to change my bisexuality if even it was possible. It makes me who I am. I often get really emotional just thinking about. It something that who am I and it makes me proud.

 

I suppose one can like being gay as one likes the colour of one's eyes, but in that narrow sense, there's nothing "active" about it...

Here's a thought: that what I like about being gay is not my homosexuality but the adventure that goes with it!

Yes, perhaps even the drama and camaraderie that comes from being part of a community that is in the minority, being part of a group of people who understand exactly what you are going through in coming to terms and expressing and living your sexuality.

So, what I "actively" like about being gay, is just that, the things "about", or, the things that surround being gay: the culture of beauty and display, double-entendres and ambiguity, the freedom to be, the honesty, sometimes brutal honesty, flair...need I say flamboyance? Courage, gutsiness, poetry, justice (and the cries for justice)...sex, oh yes; the interplay and creativity surrounding sex; the sublimation of desire into an art form and yes, I even actively like the responsibility for each other's well being that AIDS has forced on us, the tremendous suffering that brought forth such monumental caring for each other.

So yeah...I like being gay.

 

Funny post. One could make their tent fall down in the middle of the night by removing key posts or, worse yet, strew food around its perimeter if in a bear habitat. Meh. Maybe not. They might actually like bears.

 

I like being gay because:
-I love my partner very, very much and we have a deep and rewarding relationship. We don't seem to have a lot of the issues that heterosexual couples have. 17 years of love.
-I have a terrific family and a group of friends that make being gay fun; yes, we are the odd couple, but they all love us very, very much and they are easy to love.
-I have friends all over the world that I met because and only because I am gay. These are lifetime friends. We support each other, we care for each other, we visit each other, we laugh and cry together. It's truly an international brotherhood.
-I am in a "creative" field. I truly believe my creativity is fueled, in part, by my gayness.
-I was born this way and life is good.

These are some of the reasons and "events" that make me feel good about being gay, but a lot of it is, I admit, inherent in one's overall outlook toward life in general. In any case, I hope this is helpful to you.

Milan

 

It's a tough thing that I have struggled with a lot in the past as well. All I can say is that for me, it took some time and a lot of concentration on looking at why I felt how I felt. I tried to find the specific "problems" I had with my 'new discovery.' I methodically pondered them until I found a solution that made sense and worked for me:

Spoiler

1. Straight guys.

Spoiler

This one was really tough for me. The only reason I figured out that I was attracted to males was because I fell in love with my (straight) roommate! I was really depressed for a while, but one of the things I tell myself that helps with straight people now is, "appreciate their positive traits, feel bad for them that they couldn't try something with you, and then move on."

I know that sounds tough but just keep up a mentality of straight guys/girls aren't worth your time (not in a mean way) because you will just end up getting hurt, and nothing good will come out of it.

2. Career Plans.

Spoiler

I want to be an accountant. I am going to school to be an accountant. Then BOOM hey you like guys. All of the sudden, all those stupid stereotypes I've heard were flung into my thoughts by none other than yours truly. My big concerns were that I would be working somewhere that either A. wasn't accepting of LGBT people in its culture and/or B. was somewhere where I would feel very isolated because there were few/no kindred souls.

I told myself this was a ridiculous fear, and that I make great friends no matter where I am, because I'm highly sociable. Furthermore, it didn't matter if no one at work was gay/bi/etc because I live in a highly diverse place where I can find a niche for almost anything (note: this may not be applicable, but I'm sure that with enough effort you can either find your place in your current location, or relocate. It may sound like a bit much, but if it's what it takes, then that's that)

3. Family. Kids & etc.

Spoiler

This was my toughest challenge really.... I was raised in a loving, accepting home with two parents who are okay with me being non-straight. Furthermore, all 3 of my aunts/uncles and their families are incredibly close to me, and I deeply deeply care about them. One of my biggest fears was that I was not going to be able to have a family of my own with another guy... that I was not going to be able to pass on the myriad gifts, stories, and good nature that is my family to anyone. To me, I didn't want to be "the end of the line." For a long while I was wallowed in misery, thinking I was a failure to my parents (totally untrue, in their eyes) and that somehow I was failing my duty to the family by not providing for another generation of my own like has been done so well for me, my brother, and my cousins.

Eventually I got over the whole no-kids thing after a really long talk with an aunt of mine who ended up being unable to have children. Her two adopted children are just as much family to me, and her, and everyone else as I was. This really helped me prepare myself for that possibility/likelihood, and feel okay about it.

4. Friends/Socializing

Spoiler

This was one of the more irrational of my fears, but I was worried that in order to find a guy, I would have to 'leave behind' my 'straight life' and find new friends. I am not a huge fan of flamboyant, theatrical, over-the-top public displays of ANYTHING, and I was stupidly worried that in order to 'find love' I might have to hang out with people I would on the whole be uncomfortable with.

This fear of isolation was totally unfounded. Since I discovered my sexuality, almost nothing has changed for me socially. I have the same (more!) awesome friends. They are still mostly straight, and I still wouldn't trade them for the world. Furthermore, I was also finding that all it took to find the other LGBT people 'hidden' in my life was to have a friend say, "you should meet my friend ____ "

Anyway, these were just 4 of the big things I had to mentally conquer before I was 'okay' with it. Then I got to the fun part. I really started enjoying being non-straight when I moved into my apartment this August. I spent a lot of time hanging around the lakefront, and I felt really cool because I could sit on the shore, look at guys, and they wouldn't suspect a thing. It sounds really dorky... but I got a bit of a rush from the fact that I was able to admire them without them suspecting I was admiring them, I felt like some sort of spy or secret agent :icon_wink

But what helped even more was spending time nearby/in a gay community in my city. All I did was walk around a bit, no shopping, no socializing. But it made me realize that I could be there and also still be a part of my current life, there was not really a choosing going on at all. Furthermore, although I never betrayed it on my face, I would always do a little cheer in my head every time I saw two girls or two guys holding hands.

Visiting there gave me a lot of hope, and a good amount of eye candy (YUM!) and I think it opened my eyes to the fact that what happens in bed is not, and will never be, a huge part of my life. It will be like that neighborhood, present but not looming. That is to say, no matter what's going on in my love life, the things I enjoy the most are still math and technology and writing and architecture and nature and all the ability to be amazed and ecstatic about simple things, like the feeling of water lapping on my feet.

I guess that's when I started to be proud/happy about my orientation(not quite done figuring it out) because I knew that my life was still awesome no matter who I loved. And that being with someone I loved, really loved, genuinely loved... would be the icing on the cake.

For me, the 'advantages' I see (I think we don't need advantages, since life is really cool anyway).

Spoiler

1. For many LGBT people there is a struggle to figure out and identify themselves properly. This 'soul-searching,' while painful, helps strengthen people. Those who are in healthy same-sex relationships, or any relationship where there is a mutual non-conformity, can be happier because of the knowledge of that struggle... that their partner went through a hell of a lot just to have the opportunity to be with them.

2. NO ACCIDENTAL CHILDREN!!!! WOOOOO!!! Pretty self explanatory.

3. The 'sexual advantage' as previously discussed, prior knowledge and a deeper understanding of what feels good.

4. Self-acceptance. Even if you don't get along with everyone(if only!) an out person can walk through life knowing that their sexual orientation is the right path,that you have had to face the life questions much earlier and in a more profound way than many, and you can rest easy with the knowledge that you're doing what's best for you (at least in that sphere of life), not just wondering if it's you or just society dictating it. Ignorance is bliss, but self-enlightenment & acceptance is much better.

Just my two cents... I dunno if anyone feels the same way. but before you can actively like being gay I think you have to fully come to terms with your 'issues' with it. The biggest takeaway in my opinion is that the first step is to think it out. Look at your thoughts, find the obstacles, and tear them down. You might change your thinking in the process, but it's DEFINITELY for the best.

 

Being a lesbian in a world full of Victoria's Secret adds and daisy dukes... is amazing.

Why else do I love being gay?

It sets you apart from everyone else. While the world does not revolve around the gay community, as long as you live in a liberal area, it's a good kind of different.

Lesbian relationships... are like having a best friend you can connect with on an emotional level, not to mention make out with.

And, of course, slumber parties are just that much more fun