I'm just starting my first year of college, and I've only just come to terms with being gay and accepting it this past summer. Here's the thing: I've never been in a very pro-gay environment, and I've been in the closet up until now. I'm still technically in the closet, since nobody really knows me and I usually pass as straight. There's an LGBT club here on campus, and everyone in it is nice, but the vast majority of them are not freshman, plus it's mostly girls. I spoke to one of the members there, and I was told that for the most part, there are a lot more gay students here on campus, including a good number of freshmen, besides just the club members. They're so deep in the closet that they're terrified of being found out. As a result, they avoid us. Now, I know it's the worst thing in the world to rush into these kinds of things, but ever since accepting myself this past summer, all I've wanted was a relationship that I could be happy in. I've kept my feelings suppressed for a good 5 years, and now I just want to do what my heart is telling me to. My concern is, if everyone my age here is too shy and don't join the club, how will I know who's gay and who's not? To be honest, me coming to terms with myself almost didn't happen. Long story short, I stumbled across a coming out video on YouTube by accident, and I wasn't even looking for it. After that, I started to slowly accept being gay. That being said, I completely understand that there are a lot of closeted people here, because I was almost in the same exact position. Moving on, my worst fear is developing feelings for someone, him somehow catching on or finding out, and have him end up being straight. Right then and there I'd have lost a good friend. Not only that, but this is a fairly conservative area, so I'd probably lose more than just that one friend if word got out that "that one weird gay guy had a man crush on that other guy.... He's a freak." I'm at a loss here, guys. I want more than anything to find someone special, but given this situation, I just don't see a way for it to happen. Thanks for the support. This is my first time on this forum, but it seems like a wonderful place.
Welcome to EC, Apollo77! You have come to the right place, and of course you want what we all want: a relationship that makes us happy. I guess it's a question of courage. You mentioned the LGBT club, mostly girls right? Are there any guys too? If so, you may learn from them a thing or two about being an openly gay male in that environment. Without being openly gay, you may indeed run into situations of having a crush on a straight guy, whereas if everyone knows, you may get some homophobia, but you may also attract the other gay males who are closeted. Relationships with people in the closet are very difficult, the hiding and discretion are tiresome, you may yourself find that being openly gay will encourage others to come out also. I know it's difficult to contemplate, but a good dose of courage, a confident, even proud, attitude, and generally being respectful and friendly to everyone should make this easier. The key is to make friends who are accepting and supportive, whether gay or straight, and some support from faculty wouldn't hurt either. Enjoy the site! Learn much, post much, and lean on us when times get tough...
Spoiler There are a few guys there, and most are either a year or two older than me. But yeah, the girls vastly outnumber us. I'd like to be openly gay, and I haven't been here for more than a week, so I don't have much experience in doing so (given I've spent all my time hiding from it). My mentality is, I'd just go about my day to day business, and if the subject came up or if someone asked, I'm not going to lie anymore. I'd love to be open about myself, and that may indeed catch the eyes of other gay guys who are still in the closet. However, since I usually pass as straight, and that it's not a topic that's discussed very much, I'm just concerned that everyone outside of the club will assume I'm straight, including closeted gay guys, thus discouraging them from coming out themselves. By the way, I really like that last thing you said: I'm definitely going to take that to heart and be more confident around others. Thank you very much for the words of wisdom.
