I had a friend once who had severe problems with feeling "inadequate" as she put it. It never really meant anything to me, but now I kind of understand. Recently, there have just been so many times that I don't feel like I'm good enough. It happens most often when I see younger gay people hanging out in groups, it makes me feel weak that I didn't have the courage to come out until recently, and I get mad at myself for missing so many chances to befriend other gay people when I was younger. Even now that I'm 100% ready to be out with it, I'm still having trouble making gay friends. I mean, how do I go about doing that? I can't just go up to someone who I think is gay and say "Hey, you look pretty gay to me, let's be friends!". I already tried going to a LGBT meeting, but it seems like it might not even be a thing anymore. Also, I am a little shy and awkward at times, so that doesn't help either. I know, it sounds like something that can be helped, but it's not easy. I've just been having such a hard time lately, I can't remember ever being this upset with myself. I wish things would just change, I feel so powerless right now. On the upside, my friends seem to be a little more accepting of me (we're taking baby steps, I'm just letting it sink in with them), but I can't really talk to them about my problems because they don't understand... EC is pretty much the only place I can do that.
I used to feel like my friends would not ever understand, until one night I spent at my friends house. I do not know how it started, but we for the first time said and discussed our issues. Honestly it is pretty hard, you just have to have the right time. No one is going to understand a 100% about you, that's impossible. You will not know they "dont understand" until you explain things. You can be surprised at how many people understand that you would've never guessed do. Give the one who resonate and trust the most a chance.
Hi Shamrock .... I am going through the same situation ... and I am a late boomer ... finally accepted who I am at 40 this year. Took me a while. Before I accepted the fact that I am gay, I struggled with thoughts of hatred towards myself .. "why can't I be normal? Why can't just date a girl, get married and have a family like normal people do? etc" The list goes on and on ... it was until this year I learned to make peace with myself and accepted myself for who I am. It did not matter if others accepted me or not .. but I knew I that I need to first learn to accept myself and love myself. Hey you are still young ... dont be so hard on yourself ... take it slow and steady ... try to look within yourself and see the strengths that you have and learn to fall in love with yourself .. then you will be free to love others. It feel that is helps to look for friendships and support first instead of looking for a partner.... I would rather have a long lasting friendship instead of a short fling. And you will always have us here in EC. Appreciate the friends that you do have now who accepts you and slowly expand the circle of friends from there. All the best.
The kids you're seeing ARE, in a sense, ahead of you. They doped it out earlier, so they're further along the track of self-acceptance and integrating their sexuality into their lives. That doesn't mean you're destined never to be there - it just means you're several steps behind them on the "playing board". So the best move is to get on that board and start working on moving forward....so in due course, YOU'll be at that point. Yeah, you may have a couple more years on them at that point, but really, who cares? The lack of what one might call "pure" LBGTQ meetings is actually a good thing in my eyes. It used to be that there were few enough of us that we could bond over nothing but our sexualities. But there's plenty of us out and about now. And so simply "being gay" isn't enough to being people together. Instead, there are gay "groups". Volleyball leagues, volunteer groups, biking clubs, stuff like that. You might try googling "gay (nearest large city) (activity)" and seeing what you come up with, or if your city is large enough of have a "gay alt weekly", pick one up and see if there's anything listed inside. Lex
