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Feeling Pressure From Family About Religion

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by BooksJeansTea, Sep 8, 2013.

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  1. BooksJeansTea

    BooksJeansTea
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    Hello everyone,

    As you can tell from the title my family is trying to pressure me into going back to church. I don't want to- I am not welcome in any local churches as a younger single mother (let alone the fact that I'm a closeted lesbian- if I were to ever come out it would really get exciting, right?)

    Family: Southern Baptists, Traditional Folks, Persistent, Ironically- not model Christians

    Me: I don't know honestly (about religion) and I'm not going to pressure myself to work it out right now because I need to work on myself first. When I have a clearer head- THEN I will worry about that. I do not seem to belong to any organized religion that I have come across. Religion is man-made. Spirituality.. maybe.

    Frequency of the debate: Once every couple of months or so.

    Last debate: A couple of hours ago

    Main Motivation for Family: They want my son brought up in a church like a "proper boy".



    My Question to You: Do any of you have experience with a situation like this? How do I make it stop? If you have- then you know how I feel so there is no need to elaborate.

    If you don't have experience with it- I'm desperate to get this behind us. Any advice is welcome.

    Thanks everyone

    -Sara
     
    #1 BooksJeansTea, Sep 8, 2013
  2. Lexington

    Lexington
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    You certainly can take the hard line when it comes to your old church. "They have made me feel unwelcome, and so I'm not interested in returning there."

    Then there's a couple ways you can go about the rest of it. You can simply be honest and say "I don't believe a child needs to attend church regularly in order to be brought up properly." (Isn't it a coincidence that all of our families happened to be born into the "right" church? :slight_smile: ) Or if you're thinking you might like to attend another church at some later point, say you're planning on checking out other churches in your area to see if you can find one you feel comfortable with. (Unitarians are usually pretty gay friendly.)

    Lex
     
    #2 Lexington, Sep 8, 2013
  3. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    And what better reason NOT to go. If this kind of vibe exists, it would be really hard to get anything out of it, even if a person was a believer. Religious institutions have lost people left and right because there's one way, and it's their way, and I'm talking about more than just sexuality. People are marginalized by churches for even other reasons. It's sad that what is supposed to be the most comforting place often isn't.
     
    #3 Tightrope, Sep 8, 2013
  4. Sardonic

    Sardonic
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    As your family, they should be taking your side on the issue, not the church's. Definitely mention how you feel unwelcome, or that there is a hostile attitude towards you at your old church. If they're worried about your morals, then just tell them that you know enough about how to lead a perfectly good Christian life without having to hear it elaborated on every Sunday at church.

    Furthermore, if they cannot accept the fact that you are non-religious/agnostic/athiest (if that happens to be the case) then they don't really need to know the truth. My suggestion would be ultimately to find distance from your family first (not never-talk-to, thousands of miles away distance unless you want that) but some sort of other network of people who ARE accepting of your religious beliefs (or lack thereof) AND your sexuality.

    With a better network behind you, you can approach the confrontation with your family with more confidence and security.

    As to the argument itself.

    If the problem is that your son isn't going to church, you could possibly arrange for him to go to church with them (since the church and you don't seem to get along). If they are more concerned about your son's religiousness than your own, this will most likely be agreeable to them. If it isn't, then I think you might have a larger issue with your family.

    If you're uncomfortable with sending your son to church with them, an idea would be to present him with other religious input (whether it's agnosticism or a different religion) in addition to sending him along with them. That way he would grow up seeing that there are different religious stories, and could eventually make his own decision about what to believe. As long as you reinforce his right of independent thought in the matter of religion, I think that having him go to church with them would be fine :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Sardonic, Sep 9, 2013
  5. BooksJeansTea

    BooksJeansTea
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    Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. Your input is definitely appreciated :slight_smile:.

    Lex- I may have to put it to them that bluntly, I suppose. They won't like it. Disagreement to them is akin to a personal attack.

    Tightrope- Yes. It is sad. It almost makes me want to go anyway and "force" them to see and learn to appreciate people for their differences... but I can't force anyone to see what they won't, no matter how much I want them to... and besides it would not be fair to put a 2 year old in the line of fire by association.

    Sardonic- They should be taking my side and the funny thing is that this church of "ours" ..... they haven't attended in months. Hypocritical, right?
    They do not know and would not accept it if I told them that I question many things. I have not labeled myself with anything. Right now- I'm just trying to get through a week at a time and take the necessary steps to become completely independent. I've got a good job with insurance and I could probably manage to live on my own if it weren't for school (cost would make it impossible to pay rent some months) and the night classes (care needed for son late into the night on some days). This is what really complicates everything. I don't rely on them for anything but shelter and care for my son during classes but that is really a LOT.

    You know.. they are loving parents in many ways and I'm so lucky that they let my son and I live with them after the divorce (mine). Every advantage has a disadvantage, I suppose. In general I think it's necessary to lay out some boundaries. I feel like I don't have the right to say anything sometimes because I'm in the situation I'm in and feel like the scum of the Earth for having to rely on them at this point in my life but I do have my own life and the responsibility to raise my child to value important things like open mindedness and to be loving to EVERYONE (not just other Christians or the subjects of the yearly charity/mission trip).

    I've said a lot. My apologies. Guess I needed to vent.

    -Sara
     
    #5 BooksJeansTea, Sep 9, 2013
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