So i just started college and I was so excited to be completely out and open about being gay, but of course being the coward that I am I haven't gotten off to the best start. In short, I pretty much managed to closet myself again. At the same time, I have been so horny over the past few weeks, and last night i was so horny that I wandered onto craigslist just to check out the guys. Idek why i thought this was a good idea but I emailed some guy with pics and he emailed back. Now he wants to hook up. Is it okay to do this kind of thing? I mean I know people do it, but I also heard it can be dangerous. I mean, he included face pics so I know he is close to my age and he looks gay, and he gave me his number to text him, so does this sound okay? And aside from that, the very thought of hooking up sortof excites me and disturbs me at the same time. It seems exciting as like a fantasy, but as for actually doing it, I think I would feel kindof ashamed of just getting with a random person. Does anyone have any thoughts/advice about this?
I wouldn't do it myself. Too many creeps out there. But I guess that goes for finding anyone anywhere. But I especially wouldn't from CL. I'll buy stuff on CL but I wouldn't go there for hooking up. Face pics can be some he found online. If you go through with it, meet in a mall or someplace first to make sure of who you are dealing with. If he refuses such a meeting, forget it. Also, ask his age... make sure it's not some bizarre sting operation.
He told me his age upfront and we have been texting for like an hour. He told me its cool to meet in a mall and just walk to his place. I really dont think his pics are from online since he sent me like 10. So does this sound legit?
Maybe you shouldn't go to craigslist. There are lots of dating/hookup websites dedicated to lgbt community that are less "riskier" (and by riskier, I mean less chance of a random weirdo who is lying about something) and you can still have a hookup. I mean there are severe chances with any hookup that something could go bad. Can you ask him to skype with you first? -I agree with BenW's post ^. Maybe get lunch first? Mall? haha.
ok, so the question is... have you already decided to do this, and are looking for validation, or are you genuinely asking if it's a good idea. Because the answers are pretty different. If you just want someone to say "yes go for it" then you don't even need to post. If you genuinely want advice... here are some thoughts. -- Plenty of people hook up on Craigslist. Occasionally you hear of something that went horribly wrong, but not that often, so in terms of physical safety from violence, the risk isn't that high, or you'd hear more about it. -- The bigger concern is the risk of getting drugged without knowing it's happening, that sort of thing. There are a number of cases on record of someone meeting up with a guy, the guy fingers his ass... and in the process, inserts a drug as a suppository (which you could easily not notice.) The common one is a date-rape drug, but actually it could be anything. And if that happens... whatever he wants to do, he'll do, because you'll be out of it. This has been happening increasingly. It's still not all that often, but given how widespread the problem with date rape drugs is in bars, it's not hard to imagine this happening as much, and not being reported commonly. -- Anyone who posts on, or responds to Craigslist... is probably on Craigslist a lot. This means they hook up a lot. This means... they are at pretty significant risk for STIs. And most people who hook up all the time don't play safe all the time. So the risk of STIs is that much higher. And of course, this applies not only to Craigslist but to any other hookup site or app. Oh and... being that they don't use protection all the time, expect there will be pressure to not use a condom "just this once" or "because it will be special with you" or "because it feels so much more intimate" or some other absolute bullshit. Many of these people can be *extremely* manipulative... even to the point of putting on the condom, and then slipping it off when you aren't looking. So what it boils down to, as far as hookups is, what's your level of risk tolerance. If having an orgasm is worth all of the risks above, then, to you, the risk/reward ratio is acceptable. And then there's another piece to it, which is... what does sex mean to you? For me and for many other people, one of the most meaningful parts of sex is the connection to the person, and the feelings and energy that come with that. Someone you met 10 minutes ago... there isn't going to be much of a connection there. Whatever connection is there is going to be more instinctive/animalistic. That isn't a bad thing, but if you're looking for something meaningful, then Craigslist (or any other hookup site/app, as well as most dating sites) is not going to give you what you want. Finally, if you do go for the hookup, make sure that you're truly ok with it *just* being a hookup. If you have this romantic idea that maybe the guy will fall for you, or you for him... forget it. It's really, really rare to find anyone off of Craigslist (or the other hookups sites) where it progresses beyond hookups, for the simple reasons that people who are in it for sex first, or early... generally suck at relationships, because they are afraid of genuine intimacy. So that's a lot of stuff you can consider. Hookups aren't necessarily bad, but I think it's best to go into them with open eyes.
You really feel you have to have sex with a stranger because you are horny? What´s wrong with masturbation? And yes afterwards you might feel awful and you can´t turn it back....
My advice is that if you go through with this then you should at least bring someone along with you like a friend who you really trust. Just so you have back up in case something goes wrong. Remember - you never quite know who is behind the monitor screen that you are talking to.
The main issue with Craigslist is that it seems to have a higher percentage of creeplings hanging around. So your chances of having something unsavory or simply less-than-pleasant happen are higher using Craigslist. I'd recommend using dating or hook-up apps if you really want to go down this route. But whether you look for a hook-up on CL or elsewhere, you can take steps to ensure that the experience will be better. * You've made a good start by talking to the guy a lot. If he immediately jumps to "where u at so I can fuk u", then this is somebody you don't want to get involved with. * Be very forthcoming as to what you're interested in, and what you expect to happen. Tell him you're a virgin, and have never done anything with a guy before. Tell him precisely what you'd like to do when you have your encounter, and what you DON'T want to do. "For the first time, I basically just want to make out with a guy, and do some mutual masturbation. I'm not interested in oral or anal for my first time." * Meet the guy in public first, at a coffee shop or something. Chat for awhile. Get a feel for his vibe, and you feel around him. If you feel weirded out by him, pay for his coffee, apologize, and back out. "I'm afraid I'm just not feeling it with you. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna back out." And then leave. Don't give him a chance to "convince" you. * Remember those lines you spelled out before? Hold fast to them. It's not unusual for guys to want to nudge you beyond your comfort zone. "Can I just get lick your cock a couple times?" No. Say "This is all I want to do this time. Maybe at some other date, but not now." If he keeps pushing, stop the encounter, get dressed and go home. (Or tell HIM to go home.) * If you're going to be doing anal - condom, lube, always. Bring your own. * However it turns out, accept it. Maybe it'll be awkward and weird and a let-down. If so, hey, now you know that hook-ups aren't always as exciting as you fantasized. Lex
Okay so after hearing over and over agin that craigslist was not the best idea, I guess it finally clicked. I decided not to go through with it, and I feel kind of relieved for making this decision. Now I am just a tad worried, since I haven't definitively told this guy that I'm backing out. I told him I couldn't meet the day he wanted to but not that I am no longer interested. I'm also pretty mad at myself because when I was in a much hornier state of mind I sent him pics and we have each other's numbers... Admittedly, I'm not sure that he couldnt really do awful things with those, even if he put those pics online, there probably isnt a good chance anyone I know will find them... But I'm still worried that if I tell him im not interested he will get mad and somehow leak these pics. Is this a reasonable worry or am I being paranoid? ( i mean to be honest, the guy SEEMED like he wasnt an asshole. he didnt just text saying "lets fuck", we talked for a little and he seemed cool) Also, should I text him saying I'm not interested or should I just ignore his texts until he gets the idea?
Well, this is what I meant. The moment you are not horny anymore, you see things in a different light and you can´t turn back what you have done. You should NEVER EVER send pics of you that you don´t want to find back on the internet at some time. He might be legit, but there are people out there that do everything to seem nice with the soul purpose of gathering pics. And usually not only for their own use. Bosses don´t like to find pics of their employees in the nude... Anyway, don´t worry too much, there is nothing you can do, really. He might hook up often and simply forget about you.
I wouldn't stress about it. It's possible he could do something with the pics, but the likelihood is, he won't. And, quite honestly, people with nude pics are so common these days it doesn't have anywhere near the stigma it once did. I'm sure you don't want pics of you with a raging hard-on (or whatever it was) floating about the 'net, but at this point, there isn't anything you can do about it, and even if it did get out somewhere, it's not like everyone you know is suddenly going to see it, or even care much if they did... so the best you can do is just let it go and not stress about it... And, honestly, learn from this that having *anyone* have nude pics of you, for any reason, is a bad idea unless you're comfortable with those pics eventually ending up somewhere you don't want.
Don't do it.. take it from someone who has hooked up (but not through Craigslist). I felt horrible afterwards, and it wasn't even fun. Wait until you actually meet the right guy or girl, it'll be worth it .
my advice: do it! I've had bad hookups and good hookups, but I've never regretted a single one. there's lots of good safety and pre-screening advice in this thread, but if you want to do it, go for it! just make sure you tell a friend where you are going and when they should expect to heat from you so they know if somethings wrong
:soapbox: The worst BJ I have ever received was still better than whacking off. There is nothing wrong with having a casual encounter with a stranger. Just remember he contacted you for sex. If you go in expecting anything more than a roll in the sheets you are gonna be disappointed. I can distinguish 'love' from 'just sex' can you? If you can and follow the safety tips above you will be fine 99.9% of the time. BTW: If you don't play safe you are an idiot. That can be said of anyone anytime but hold double true on a internet hookup.
Honestly, I think it is ok to meet in a public place and meet and talk. You are two adults who have an understanding of what each other intentions are. You have just as much as of a chance to meet a creep on any dating or hookup sight. If you meet at a public crowded place and be smart , you will be fine. I have done it. At the end of the day if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. Plus how creepy could he be if he given you his number and even willing to meet you in public.
