I really just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm just drifting through life, and I don't know what to do to make things better. I have been diagnosed with chronic depression a couple years ago. I'm on meds, but therapy never really worked for me. Meanwhile, I have a million things on my mind and I can't ever seem to get over the past, to the point which I barely have the motivation to do anything. And I was even worse before the meds! Man, I am pathetic. Anyways, I'm not very close with any of my friends currently. Most of my friends, I've known a long time, but they're just people I can hang out with and have a good time. That's nice, but ever friend/significant other that I've ever been close to has left me for one reason or another...so I'm also loaded with abandonment issues. Ugh, I am such a mess.
You're not pathetic at all. You are ill. Depression really sucks. One thing depression does is makes you isolate yourself from others. This would explain your separation from friends. Can you find a way to re-connect with them, or just one of them to start??? The other thing it to have a joint approach to recovery that comprises a therapy alongside the meds. If the meds aren't really working you can ask to be prescribed something else. It took me a few goes to get something that suited. Also, if you are not a fan of therapy, maybe you have not met the right therapist yet, or are not working with the best therapeutic method for you. Worth looking in to this again? If you are suffering you really need to address some of these things and you'll feel better that you are at least beginning to take control. Best of luck !!!
I'm in your shoes right now, all my friends have moved away and facebook and texting just aren't giving me the connection I miss so much. I don't know anyone in any of my classes, and don' have times or means to go see the friends I have, let alone my boyfriend. Most of the friends I have I've had since early highschool, and I feel like I don't have the same opportunity to makes friends now. I would suggest that if you're looking to make new connections, look for activities going on in your area. Try something you've always wanted to try, ie. a martial art or hobby, and you will quickly start finding new connections developing around something you equally enjoy. A buddy going through a painful and emasculating breakup got into kendo, started throwing movie nights and table-top game nights at his house, and totally rediscovered social fulfillment. Trust me, if you can find time to do something you really want to do, new and meaningful social connections will be very easy to make.
I just couldn't open up to my therapist enough for it to be helpful. I just felt so awkward. As for my meds, they do help a bit, like I said, but I've been reluctant to increase the dosage or change meds because they had one really terrible side effect when I first started them which I really don't want to go through again. I've been thinking about trying to get plugged in somewhere at some community, but there really isn't a lot going on where I am. I've been toying with the idea of a Unitarian Universalist church or something, but that's about it for open-minded communities in this area.
