Hello guys, Just wanted to get your opinions on 'self image' in the gay community. All I see in the media and so far in real life, are gay men who are slim with good looks. I've worked hard on improving my health (I used to be about 70 - 80lbs heavier than I am now and would be considered in a healthy weight range for my height. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I don't ever think I will be slim, I like food too much, I have a wee bit of padding still and I kind of feel stuck in limbo. Where do I fit in? I also feel like, I hide any excess weight I feel I have quite well, so if it came to a relationship, I'd feel like I'd been lying to people about how I look without clothes on (I'm not happy when I look in the mirror because I'm not completely flat). My friends also seem to think that I don't need to lose anything else, but they're my friends, they aren't going to give it to me straight because they don't want to hurt my feelings! I'm so sorry if this is more information than people bargained for, but it would be nice to know everyone's views on this.
Did you know that people who are slightly overweight (from a strictly actuarial or insurance point of view) actually live longer? There is indeed a problem with gay self-image, measuring up to impossible ideals. But I can tell you that, just from looking around at who goes to the gay village in my city, there are all sorts of body types, unselfconsciously ambling about. In addition, there are other gay guys who actually prefer a few extra pounds, it's just what they like! You are in a good weight range, enjoy your health! As for food, it's not what you eat, but your eating patterns that are important to control. Sugars: from carbs, sodas, and even fruit (for some people), when eaten in combination with fatty foods are the thing to try and avoid (carb consumption, even white bread, or bananas will make you hungrier later). The insulin that is released when eating high-carb (high glycemic index) foods actually inhibits the metabolism of fats and promotes their storage in fat cells. Salads are great and there is no need to use anything but real oil for the dressing. The best evening meal is some protein, salad and a vegetable... You will find that you will be far less hungry by these simple steps.
This is the best/ most recent one I have. I don't have many pictures haha... <image removed by moderator> Bit blurry, sorry. (works to my advantage even though it's not on purpose haha)
You're not as big as you described yourself. I also don't think you posted the best picture for anyone to look at and judge. I think the problem that you have and that most people have is that you don't fit the image of what society thinks "gay" is. You described it before: slim, good looking. A twink, basically. Forget about the gay aspect for now. What you need to work on is how you feel. I believe that people that "love food too much" are using comfort foods as medication, if you will, to treat their problems. You think you're fat, it makes you sad, you eat because you're sad, you're happy while you're eating, then you look in the mirror and realize you're still fat, then you eat some more. It's a vicious cycle. What you need to do is break the cycle. You should, first and foremost, want to be healthy. As a result of eating well comes the change in your body. You'll start to feel and look better. Soon, instead of being addicted to food that tastes good, you'll be addicted to food that's good for your body because of the how it makes you feel and look. You look fine, but I can see in how full your face is that you probably have some work to do in the rest of your body. Here's what you do: - Educate yourself on eating correctly. I'll recommend watching documentaries Fat Sick and Nearly Dead, Food Matters, and Forks Over Knives. - Understand that nobody cares how you look. People like you for who you are and what you can do for them. - Don't look in the mirror so much. A few times a day is fine, but if you keep looking in the mirror, you'll eventually find what it is that you hate about the way you look and then you'll harp on it. Good luck.
I thank you for your opinion, however there are a couple of things I have to disagree with in your above reply. Firstly, I don't know what you mean by my pic not being the best for anyone to judge, that's the best one I have, what reason would I have to lie? Secondly, when I said that I love food, this doesn't mean that I have an emotional attachment to it, it means that I enjoy the taste of it, nothing more, nothing less (there are plenty of people out there that enjoy bland foods and I'm not one of them). And finally, as far as my eating habits go, I have cut down the amount I eat drastically in order to lose that weight, I eat less than a lot of people I know and exercise more. I have had to learn portion control for myself as it is not something my family do very well, now learning that isn't easy if you have no concept of 'normal' so I end up either eating too little or too much (usually too little these days and I am still losing weight slowly) so you can understand my frustration. Aside from that, your advice is much appreciated and well placed. ---------- Post added 14th Sep 2013 at 10:36 PM ---------- Thank you for your message You are entirely right I can see. It is definitely, for the most part an internal problem exacerbated by the media. I shouldn't worry so much about what I look like and try to be happy with who I am for me. There's got to be at least one person out there who would be genuinely interested in me for me. Just gotta go look for them! I have studied better ways to eat for a long time now and I am much improved but learning is an ongoing process so I better keep at it. :icon_bigg
To the OP, you look fantastic, keep at it and over time you'll love your look! Just a quick note to the OP: post pictures of yourself in your album rather than in your posts, it's against the rules to post a "selfie" in the main forum. The admins will probably notify you, if they haven't already.
You don't have to get defensive. You're asking for people's opinion. You said you think your friends are lying to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings so when a stranger tries to tell you something, don't get your feelings hurt when you're seeking out the truth. I don't think you posted the best picture because you're sitting down in a jacket. One can't really judge you very well based on that picture. A picture standing in a T-shirt would serve better for this purpose. And nobody likes bland food. People tolerate bland food because it's what they have. But there's plenty of healthy food options out there if you like tasty food. People who say they like to eat usually mean they like to eat food that tastes good, but isn't necessarily good for you. And you're actually supposed to eat smaller portions more often throughout the day. When you stop eating, it tells your body to preserve its fat. It's a primal reaction our bodies have. So if you're eating the correct foods in the correct way, you'll see the results you want.
Argh sorry, didnt know the rules! How can I take it down now? I'm not getting defensive, I do however feel a need to justify myself against some of your critiques. I am still extremely greatful for you help! And who are the admins so I can ask them to take it down?
I honestly think you hot... Do you know what your fat percentage is? Muscle weighs more than fat If you're not happy with how you look eat really healthily and do lost I'd muscle exercises. Muscles burn more calories than fat
Ah shucks! Thanks for the compliment! Sadly, I do not know my bf percentage. Joined a gym a while back to help me lose this weight and left over the summer cause I couldn't afford it, but have a job again now and going to get back into it and try some weights! (But, yes I'm not dainty build wise that's for sure haha)
Aloha, P.R. In one of your posts you made a statement that goes right to the heart of all of this: "There's got to be at least one person out there who would be genuinely interested in me for me.." Focus on this and don't get caught up in all of the superficiality of some men's values. Be happy, be healthy and be authentic. Good luck, Milan
