My dad just talked to me, he doesn't believe I'm gay! He told me that once upon a time he thought he was gay. He said I just haven't found the right girl yet. I tired my best to convince him that I am gay and he just got pissed off and left. Damnit!!!! :bang::bang::bang: What should I do or say to him?
Same thing happened to me with my mom. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do, people who don't want to see something just won't see it. Give it some time, and let him be. One day you'll bring your boyfriend home to meet the family, and he'll have to believe it then. Sorry this isn't so encouraging...
Tell him that he hasn't met the right man and that is why he married a woman. (kidding) It's part of the thinking that denial will make the "problem" go away. Give him some time and then you can bring someone home. You don't need to persuade him.
Maybe if I give him some time. =( Or maybe I should bring a guy home and screw him on the couch. Only kidding.
That's wild he thought he was gay once. Maybe you should ask him about that in detail. Maybe you'll both find something out about yourselves.
I don't think he's gay. I think he is full of shit to try and convince me. Of course, maybe is he bi and doesn't want to break apart a family.
But, if he explains to you the feelings that made him question, and you explain yours, he will see the difference.
That's very interesting what he said about thinking he was gay at one point...if he was serious, it may explain to a significant degree his reaction...fear (the same kind that made him kill that part of him), disbelief that it's happening again...and maybe even a little bit of envy (that you've accepted yourself and come out)? All speculations on my part...but food for thought.
Could be why him and my mom seem so distant... I've wondered everything that you just said in your post.
Honestly? I thought nothing of this until these two posts. Now it's starting to make me contemplate on whether your father is in denial of a part of himself. :lol: Perhaps as to why he has a hard time perceiving you as your true self. Maybe he can't picture his son going through the same sexual identity problems he went through...
It wouldn't be the first time that some characteristic in one's child leads to an insight about one's self...the little'uns are often mirrors to their parents. My daughter was properly and professionally diagnosed with ADD...upon looking into this, I recognized a great deal in myself, and so had myself tested...lo and behold, at the age of 47, I learned that I have ADD, and not a mild case...
Wow that's a tricky situation...! Because if he did have that internal conflict, it could get messy - I mean what if your coming out catalyses something for him? BUT we could be misinterpreting the situation, he could just find it very incredulous (how could my son be gay?!) and thinks you're just 'confused' and is trying to change you. It happened with my mum when I told her 'You can't just actively choose to suddenly like the same sex', and she said 'Yes I can'. It was part of her own inability to process the situation so she not only wanted to convince me, but also herself. Anyway you shouldn't ruminate about his sexuality because it will only distort things, focus on you and how to insulate yourself if things get bad. I do suggest asking him why he thought he was gay? Because it's highly likely he was just misinformed... let's hope he was. Just continue being you, don't back down and talk and act with confidence and composure Good luck!
I completely agree, you need to focus on you and not his issues, that is a separate matter entirely, and frankly, not your problem.
I think a lot of people here are highly overacted to the circumstances by assuming his dad is gay. I believe this is just the start of the Kübler-Ross model, aka the 5 stages of grief. Denial -> Anger -> Bargaining -> Depression -> Acceptance. I think it's likely your father is just in denial, refusing to accept that you're gay and convincing himself you're not. You're out to him now, and that's all that matters. This is no longer in your hands and is now his time to accept it, so that'll take a bit of time. Grats on coming out though
I didn't read any of what other people are saying, but still, I find it interesting that his dad said he thought he was gay once. Why would anybody ever say that? I think if the son and father spoke about why the dad thought he was gay once, there may be some details that will help the son understand the way he feels. Like father, like son.
