I'm starting to come to terms with my sexuality, especially now that I am away from home. I lived in a very conservative area, and the religious influence in my house was very stressful. Now that I'm basically on the other side of the country, in a super liberal and accepting college, I can finally be myself. I still feel guilty about it sometimes, when I sit down and think about it. Since I've come to college, while I have't actually precisely said the words, I've insinuated it, and since a lot of people here fall under the LGTBQ umbrella, they don't assume I'm straight, but they don't ask (WHICH IS THE GREATEST THING EVER) I don't know if this is the same for others, but at least where I am from, in the Hispanic community, 'gay' isn't as bad sounding as 'lesbiana' is. I actually slightly cringe using the word, and I can't come to terms identifying as a lesbian. However, saying "I'm gay" to myself is a little easier, and I've been able to tell one other person seriously (I've been "jokingly" telling people I'm gay, to hopefully one day actually tell them seriously) Do you think this will get better in time? The guilt, the acceptance, and being able to actually say the words "I'm gay" or "I'm a lesbian" and not cringe/feel bad?
Many people have issues actually uttering the words in the beginning stages of acceptance. If you personally, do not prefer the term 'lesbian' then you can definitely refer to yourself as gay. For women, they are often considered interchangeable; however, if its not specifically a personal choice and you only want to use another word because of the way the term 'lesbian' is looked at in the Hispanic community, then I would advise otherwise. You shouldn't be afraid to describe yourself as you please. Avoiding a specific term because of its connotations will only further allow those connotations to remain prevalent in our society. If it's because of your own preference, then by all means. You just shouldn't feel swayed from using a term because of the influence of others.
I also felt weird about the word lesbian when I was first out. There are a couple of reasons why I think this happens to us. On one hand, it seems really weird to have to have a different word for gay women than for gay men. We're all gay right? That was my first thought. Then I thought a little more about it and I made a decision-why should a word representing the intersection of female identity with gay identity feel wrong? The answer is, it shouldn't. Now, that isn't to say that people have to use the word lesbian--everyone is entitled to any word they like to describe their own experience of their own identity. I'm not about to tell you what feels right for you. So, if you really just prefer gay as your label, then more power to you! But if it's because of other people's connotations of the word lesbian that you avoid using it, then maybe it's time to question people about what is so wrong about a word that only means a homosexual woman.
I feel the same way about 'bisexual' and 'lesbian'. I much prefer 'gay'. I think it's because 'gay' has actually taken on quite a cool image in society, whereas 'bisexual' and 'lesbian' remind me of straight male fantasies about women. It's annoying, but that's language for you, it's uncontrollable!
