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Everyone is out of my league. :(

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Stridenttube, Sep 15, 2013.

  1. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    Everyone that I'm attracted to are the type that would never be attracted to me. :frowning2: I'm not attractive at all, I have a weird face and I hate how I look.

    I tried to make nice with some guys at the colleges LGBT club and I got shot down really fast. I was just trying to make friends and I guess they're all assholes. :frowning2:

    Guess I should move away?
     
  2. Argentwing

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    I'm willing to bet that outside of high school and Hollywood, there are no leagues. You can't judge somebody's personality by their attractiveness. Even if they know they are smokin' hot, they could have a particular quirk that makes them think you are out of *their* league.

    So don't put too much stock in a single LGBT club for determining your appeal to others. Charisma is everything. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    What's the point of going out with someone I'm not attracted to? Everyone on EC says to find an LGBT center, so I did, and it was horrible. I felt like I was back in high school. :frowning2:

    Hard to believe that its so hard to find gay guys in a college town with 30k students. :frowning2:

    ---------- Post added 15th Sep 2013 at 08:57 PM ----------

    Plus, the few gays I used to know didn't want to have anything to do with me. It's hard to make normal friends, let alone gay ones. The possibility of a relationships seems impossible. :frowning2:

    I really went out of my comfort zone and it backfired on me. I feel worse about myself now then I ever have before. I just want to go climb in a hole and hide. :icon_sad:
     
  4. BornInTexas

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    Once you dismiss the bad ones, you'll find that guy who cherishes you like you cherish him. :slight_smile: Don't get too hung up on the ones who don't want anything to do with you because they're not worth your thoughts!

    You don't have to go out with someone you aren't attracted to. Don't feel obligated to do that. You can keep them as friends, though. :slight_smile: They might have some friends who are also gay. CONNECTIONS!

    Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!
     
  5. Argentwing

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    ^^My point above was that the people you think are gorgeous may not think so of themselves compared to YOU. There is no overarching authority on what each person's league is.

    I'll second the advice to just keep swimming. :slight_smile:
     
  6. kirsho

    kirsho Guest

    Go to the gym...get muscles...=success in the gay world.
     
  7. Your LGBT center could be a bad group. That happens sometimes.

    However, it's not like it will be impossible for you to make friends and maybe find a partner in all those people.

    I find a lot of times when I'm put off of someone who is new and trying to make friends with me when I can tell they are only interested in what I will be for them instead of who I am completely aside from any kind of relationship or friendship they might want from me. If someone is talking to me so that they can have more friends, it's like whatever fine. If someone is talking to me because we share an interest or they care about who I am or why I am there, then I'm more likely to be friendly and accommodating. And more likely to be receptive to actually being friends.

    Simply put, get interested in other people--Who they are, what they like, etc. Focus less on creating some kind of relationship with them instantly and focus more on getting to know people. Most people are more likely to take a liking to someone who is genuinely taking an interest in them.

    Another way to meet people is to do things you like to do. Do things you like because you like them. It will make you feel good. You'll meet people who are also into those things and you'll be feeling good about something you're doing for yourself. Boom. Things to talk about and good feels all around.

    It's nice to have gay friends, so it wouldn't hurt to give the LGBT group another shot, but really, with a student body of 30,000 there are likely some LGBT people in all kinds of areas--even the ones you're interested in getting involved in (your classes, your major, the intramural sports teams, the book clubs etc) so keep an eye out while you're getting interested in the people around you.
     
  8. bingostring

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    I can sort of imagine how that experience would have hurt. To have built up the courage to going to the LGBT place and for it to not have turned out well. And I do mean courage... I spent 3 years at one college and was too timid to go to the LGBT group even once!! So you did really well.

    If you did not feel included maybe it was because they were already a 'clique' together you sensed you were an outsider. Maybe even something showed in your body language that worked against you?

    I wonder if you could modify your view of the 'disaster' and make it more positive?

    Could you even bring yourself to go again, maybe with someone ? Or was there anyone there you recognised that you could approach on a 1:1 basis and say "Hey, I saw you at the LGBT meeting last week. It felt it a bit difficult to break the ice there. Any chance I could go with you next time?"

    Do you know what I mean? I can imagine how it all felt a crushing experience ... but no need to accept defeat.

    If going back is not going to happen, maybe there are other routes to take by just expanding social circles in a less forced way. Activities that involve mixing with people where the LGBT 'badge' is not necessary. That way you are just likely to be more relaxed, and find LGBT friends by accident - and gay-friendly straight ones too.

    As for hating how you look.. from your avatar I wonder if you are really just being really down on yourself ? Everyone has self doubts about themselves and at the core of it is usually just confidence issues at best, or dysmorphia, or something in-between.

    Wishing you well and a quick recovery from the bad feelings!!
     
  9. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    Thay put me down the whole time I was talking to them. Im just so unnatractive I guess. The things they said to me only backs up my assumptions about myself. It was horrible and I felt so shutty afterwards. Maybe gay friends aren't in my future...:icon_sad:
     
  10. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    You need to look for friends before a relationship. These people you'd never be attracted to are still potential boyfriends. If you end up loving their personality and end up with a crush, they'll be hotter than ever before. Very very hot guys get attention from both genders all the time, most of them have people they could text 24/7 for a hookup if they wanted, because everyone wants them. People like that cant appreciate someone they're with simply because they don't have to go without, which is why most of them are complete dicks.

    I personally don't believe in looking for a relationship. If you're fixated on such a thing then the rest of your life will pass you by. Focus on what you enjoy, have fun with your friends and don't be afraid to expand your friend circle. The boyfriend will come in time. People are almost always attracted to the happier, positive people. If you're happy, it'll show even if you aren't smiling, people can just tell. Another interesting thing - if you're desperate for a relationship/hookup, you actually release a pheromone that is subconsciously unappealing, so basically the more desperate you are, the less chance you have. I think evolution fucked up there, but that's how it is.

    If you're after a hookup maybe, but that's not success for a relationship. Some guys with muscles are complete turnoff too. The extremely over-confident full of himself type of guy. Muscles can give you more of a chance (at a hookup) but if you're personality is shit then you'll still get turned down all the time.

    :grin: that made me laugh more than I should have.
     
    #10 Zaio, Sep 16, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2013
  11. RawringTiger

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    If you look at my profile pic i'm not the prettiest looking person but i managed to get a bf way out of my league and we get along just fine just make sure.

    • Be Kind
      Pay attention to them
      Don't be a overly attached girlfriend or to be more precise a overly attached boyfriend
      Make sure your relationship is based on honesty
     
  12. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    I know I'm only 19, and that many gay guys don't have relationships until they're older. But I have always had a hard time buying the whole "let love find you" stuff. I don't see how a guy is just going to walk into my life. I don't want to be a 30 year old single virgin.:icon_sad:
     
  13. Pat

    Pat
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    LOL. There are still leagues outside of high school. And it's not necessary a bad thing. My guy doesn't need to look like a model if he's also airheaded.. A lot of the super attractive guys from my experience, have been pretty dull to be around. And I think it's similar to being unemployed looking for a job, people can see when you're desperate. Just be yourself dude. I have NO idea why people like me lol, but they do. I don't go out of my way to be around them either. Just be you and when the time is right to start conversing with people, step in and do so. You have to change the way you think about yourself. Your confidence is DIRECTLY attached to how attractive you are for most people with a heart and a mind. You just have to find the people that are ready to be happy, instead of ready to be in a relationship full of drama and bullshit. You just have to have the outlook that you're a nice guy. And nice guys have a hard time sometime, but eventually you'll find someone. You have to love yourself before anyone else can. As cliche as it is, you really do have to fake it till you make it or genuinely feel good about yourself. If you don't like the way you appear to others, you can change that, but you'll attract an adult male with your mind moreso than your body.
     
  14. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    Is an adult male that you speak of ssomeone who is still in their 20s? Haha

    Sounds so complicated. :icon_sad:
    I feel like even the average guys whom I think are super hot are still out of my league. I'm clueless to all of this relationship stuff. I just know that nobody has ever shown an interest in me.
     
  15. lukeluvznicki13

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    Don't worry, I know how you feel /: (*hug*).
    I'm sure there is someone who likes you, you never know. :slight_smile:
     
  16. Have you ever thought that maybe you're just average? We're actually wired to focus on the negative side of things, so how you see yourself is most likely a little different from how everyone else sees you. In any case, you can find ways to make yourself look more attractive, or at least cute. I can guarantee you that most "attractive" people have ways of making themselves look good that are specific to them, you just need to know what you have and how to work with it to get the best outcome.
     
  17. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    I did, I lost a shit ton of weight and hit the gym. Plastic surgery maybe?
     
  18. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    Plus, I seem to come off as weird when trying to talk to people. Like I'm too nice or soemthing. :frowning2:
     
  19. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    Well it depends what you're into. If you tend to keep to yourself then it is unlikely a guy will just walk into your life. I'm the type that loves socialising and going out etc, I get hit on all the time at parties and I'm nothing special, I reject every guy though because I'm happy being alone at the moment. it's just about vibes you give off. If you're having a good time and look like someone who'd make others happy then people will come to you. One thing I do find funny, is that when I was after a relationship guys never hit on me, and now that I'm not I get hit on all the time. There's loads of stories similar to that too, I'm pretty sure that is about my point - when you're sad/lonely you don't look like you're much fun, whereas when you're happy you look like someone people would want to talk to.

    If you're just after getting laid then that's really not hard at all. You can pretty much just walk into a gay club, find a guy who's really drunk and if you want to bed him then ask him if you can buy him a drink, get talking and then the rest will follow. A relationship is a little harder to get started though, the best way is to ask out a guy you've known as a friend for a long time in my opinion, as you already know each other a lot and you'll generally know if you're compatible or not already. It can take a while to start a relationship otherwise. Most of mine have come from one time hookups that turned into regular hookups, which then turned into a relationship.

    There are small things you can do that can drastically alter your appearance too, such as spiking your hair, growing facial stubble, getting eyebrows neatened up (while still looking normal, not ridiculously thin). I don't know why but I find myself really attracted to guys with spiky hair, and facial stubble can be really hot on a lot of guys, some guys cant suit it but most can I think, anything more than facial stubble is a turnoff to me though.
     
    #19 Zaio, Sep 16, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2013
  20. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    I'm a fairly reserved and shy person, which it why it was so hard to talk to the guys at the LGBT club. :frowning2:
    Gay guys just don't exist in my city. I have no gaydar.