okay so on my first post I talked about how I had this crush on this girl and how she friendzoned me.... hard. I was really down about it and I really thought that I could do the whole " lets stay friends and not make this awkward" thing but after a while I realized that it was slowly killing me inside. I mean honestly..... how can someone stand being friends with someone they cant have?!?! its torture. so I decided to end our friendship, only it didn't go down the way it was supposed to go and we ended becoming friends like 2 weeks later. I don't know what it is but its hard not to want to talk to her. a few days a go I decided that I'm just gonna completely ignore her which has actually worked so far but I know that sooner or later she's gonna wanna know why I've been ignoring her. what makes me mad is she acts like I never even told her that I had feelings for her. its like she messing with my mind. I still think about her. about wanting to be near her. telling her things i've never told anyone before. I don't really regret my decision to basically erase her from my life. i've literally cried over this girl, and I hate that. I hate that I loved her, and the l-word isn't one of those words that I use often. in fact I rarely ever use that word. Im more into words like "care" screw love. but she's the only person I've ever used that word for (besides loving my stubborn mother). it just really sucks. What if I never get over her? its so much work trying to avoid her during the day. I used to tell myself not to quit on this "Friendship" and that it would get better but I think im done. I cant smile in her face and act like nothings wrong when its killing me inside to know that she doesn't feel the same way I feel about her. I know im still going through the what I am and who I like stage but...... it just sucks and its gotten me pretty depressed lately
Yeah, that does suck.. (*hug*) It's no fun at all when friendships don't work out. One thing that stands out to me in your post is, "I don't really regret my decision to basically erase her from my life." This means that that was the right decision (it's possible for you to regret it when it's right, but if you don't then that's a sure sign). Good on you for working to break it off completely rather than dragging out a friendship that's causing you pain when, as far as I gather, talking about it hasn't been listened to. At this point, I'd recommend telling her why you're ignoring her. If she knows why you've cut contact, then she won't have to worry about herself or you and she can help you by keeping distant. It's the option that should hurt least. Remember that in six months or something you can see about getting acquainted again and building a friendship without the complications of romantic feelings and depression whilst you're trying to figure yourself out. Please keep us posted on whatever you need.
Thanks your right I should tell her. At first I thought I made the wrong decision but i know now that I just can't put myself through that kind of hurting. It's been a few days, still sucks but I'm hoping it'll get better. I tried to tell my self that maybe in a few months we could do the whole friend thing but, she's like my first love. It's gonna be hard getting over her.
It is hard. Time may heal all wounds, but it sure isn't quick about it. (*hug*) Stick with it, Indigo.
