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Talking to people...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by robotman, Sep 17, 2013.

  1. robotman

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    Hey... I made this post because I don't feel like I know how to talk to people...

    Today I am meant to be going out with one of my friends and they have invited 4 people who I don't know along aswell... Now everytime I meet someone new or introduce myself I never know what to say, infact I just stay quiet most of the time... I worry about everything like "am I boring, is what I am saying not interesting", "do I sound dumb and unfunny", "do they think I am weird" etc... I just remain quiet most of the time and say nothing...

    I don't feel like I have many friends, this is mainly because I secluded myself alot from people when I left high school and I felt awkward and didn't feel comfortable talking to my old friends due to being gay and various other things. I do like my own company but I am a social person aswell and I actually feel really lonely... I tried to get out of going today but my friend is already going to pick me up and stuff so I can't get out of it...

    I just feel like maybe it is a confidence thing, I am not out so maybe I don't feel comfortable talking and being open because peoples opinions might change or something... I know I am fun and genuinely a nice person but I just don't feel confident in meeting/talking to new people, especially in groups... if its 1 on 1 or like 2 on 1 I feel alot more comfortable...

    Does anyone know how to deal with this? or feel the same way? I am just so insecure >_<
     
  2. greatwhale

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    The only way to overcome this is knowing that people love to talk about themselves and love even more the sound of their own names.

    Be interested in them (hint: don't fake it, be genuinely interested), use their names a lot, and ask questions. If you show interest in them you have the added bonus of forgetting about yourself!

    Pretty soon you will discover some pretty fascinating things about these people, which moves the conversation forward. Listen more that you talk, don't interrupt, and only look at them when you talk to them (don't let your eyes wander elsewhere: try to imagine how you would feel if someone did that to you).

    A confident manner and posture (even if you don't feel confident) helps, and the best way to get this manner is to dress as best as you can.

    One last thing: SMILE! :grin:
     
  3. bingostring

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    Tricky meeting 4 new people in one go.

    The key is to be calm and maybe think out a few conversation starters ahead of time so that - if there's ever a pause in the conversation - you can chip in. Or just remark on something you are walking past/ or notice in the street or wherever you are...

    Even though there's 4 of them, there will be moments when you can be 1:1 or 1:2 with them, like, when you're all walking along the street.

    The other trick is to make sure you start saying some things early on in the meet up. Because first impressions count, and if they write you off as a silent person in the first 3 minutes, they more likely will treat you as a silent type and may not include you in subsequent conversations.

    On the whole its OK to be quiet(ish) I think ...
    I like letting others talk and I really listen - they like it !!
     
  4. Joey4

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    The best thing you can do is not worry about it. It's hard, I know, because there everyone is right in front of you and you have this awesome pressure of trying to wow all of them all at once.

    Truth is, the way you feel is the way they feel. We're so wrapped up in ourselves that we're not thinking about much else. So in reality, they're not even thinking about you. You shouldn't either.

    Go out and have fun. If there's something to talk about, say your piece. Don't say anything you wouldn't normally say.