I'm so new. I've only been open to myself being gay for a few weeks. I'm scared to talk to people who are out irl. I'm so afraid I'll sound like a naive idiot. I'm so afraid I'll say something unintentionally offensive. I don't want to sound flaky or cliche. In my head I'm all "Hey! You're gay? I think I might be gay! Can you tell me if I am? What's it like?" :bang: :help:
I'm... I'm not really sure what the question is here... What is it you're asking? Also, about that last sentence, the "what's it like" probably isn't the best thing to say. It'd just be awkward I'd think, I wouldn't even know how to respond to that... It's like asking someone "what's it like being straight?" it's not really "like" anything it's just a state of being, if someone's gay they wont know what it's like to be straight, so there's nothing to compare it to. The whole "can you tell me if I am" part is a bit iffy too. If you're just after coming out to some gay friends I'd talk to them in private and say something along the lines of "okay this is awkward for me, but I think I might be gay and I'm not really sure where to go from here, I could use a little support" they'll then likely steer the conversation to helping you come out or something along those lines, tell you stories about their coming out etc.
Yeah, that whole part in quotes was supposed to convey the most awkward convo that I can imagine and am afraid I'll word vomit before I realize what I'm saying. I guess I'm feeling so awkward, I'm not even conveying my thoughts well. I'm sorry. Now I'm totally embarrassed. But that last paragraph is really helpful. Thank you. Oh, okay, a specific question: Is there anything I shouldn't say. Like is there any common noob mistake that I could avoid?
Is it because LGBT is an established minority group? It seems like we'd be more sensitive to offense, but I don't think so. Intentions are everything. If you are honestly ignorant but well-meaning, you'll be given generous leeway. Intend to hurt, and you will put people off. So sort of like any other person, really. Although I'd also suggest narrowing your questions down below "What's it like?" lol because often times there's no comparative reference frame.
Well I had a think about this and nothing sprung to mind, but all my coming outs have been fine, I pretty much handled it the same way. Although I'll give you this: don't go on about it. When you're first out it's new and exciting, it's as if you can finally talk about something you never could before, which makes you want to. However, other people may get annoyed if you talk about it 24/7, which a lot of people do without realising it.
When you start doing something new, you won't know everything, and you'll probably make a few mistakes - but you'll learn and remember for next time. Enjoy the ride!
"Oh, okay, a specific question: Is there anything I shouldn't say. Like is there any common noob mistake that I could avoid?" Just don't pry into someone's personal life and you will be okay. Questions along the lines of: Who the other person has been with. What sex acts they have performed. What its like to do a specific sex act. ect... I understand that these are things most people wouldn't ask a straight person in a polite conversation but you would be amazed how often theses are some of the first questions you get asked when people find out your gay. Other than questions along those lines I personally will do my best to answer any question that I'm asked no matter how absurd it may sound to me. I figure, even if it sounds absurd, it is information the person actually wants but really doesn't know how to ask. My answer may just be a question to get to the root of what you are after but I'll answer. BTW: You are in a pretty big gay community here why not fire off some of those questions here? ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2013 at 05:51 AM ---------- "I think I might be gay! Can you tell me if I am?" No I cannot tell if yout gay or not but if you read AKTODD's post here it may help lead you down a path of discovery. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...ation/108253-am-i-gay-bi-now-please-help.html "What's it like?" Here's one I'd respond with a question. What do you mean? In daily life? It's like being straight except I'm attracted to men. Generally? You will find most people couldn't care less, but there are some homophobic reholes out there who will make a huge deal out of it to try to hurt you just cause they think they can.
You all are so nice. Thanks for taking the time to muddle through my vague confusion. I find myself tripping over certain words. Things like choose/choice, and decide/decision are the first ones that pop in my head. While I'm aware that we are born with our sexual identities, we do make choices and decisions re: how it's expressed, when/if we come out etc. I am worried that I'll come off as a member of the "gay is a choice" camp. I also am unsure about the interchangeability of the words gay vs. lesbian. Is there any time it's wrong to use either word? Is it a personal preference? Does anyone really care?
Yes, we do make a decision to come out, but that's not what the whole "choice" argument is about. What's insinuated is that our sexual orientation is a choice, that we somehow choose to be attracted to the same sex, which we obviously don't. As for how it's expressed, I'm not sure what you mean by this, do you mean like pride bracelets? Well, it's not for everyone but things like that do help progress homosexuality repression reduction. A lot of people say they're tired of hearing about it, which is good. If people are tired they'll eventually give up and there will be no hate, which is when we wont need anything to make it obvious we're gay, in a time where all parents educate their children on homosexuality and assure them it's normal and nothing wrong with it, in a time where sex education is taught for gay pupils too. If you just meant things like making out in public though, then that's not exactly fair since straight couples can do that happily. As for the gay vs lesbian, use whatever you're comfortable with. Gay is usually used for men, but it does mean homosexuality, which just generally means attracted to the same sex, so can be used for both sexes. For that reason usually men will use gay and women will use lesbian, but there are plenty of women who use gay too. The only thing you wont hear is a man call himself a lesbian
Just the fact that you're interested and not hostile makes it almost impossible for you to really offend anyone in any real way.
honestly in terms of 'what not to say' - I wouldn't just go up to someone and be like 'im gay too' or 'i think im gay help' - I mean, I'm sure you get that at a basic level, in terms of what is inappropriate - but what I mean is - try to just use normal situations where you would make friends. Like if you have shared interests, etc. OR if someone else has just come out, maybe you could go to them directly and be up front, say that you are the same as they are, or unsure.. they're probably desparate to know someone too! That's the thing. basically everyone is wishing others would reach out to them just like you, but most people are too afraid to unless the right circumstances arise.
Think about it - you might be gay, so why are you worrying about offending gay people? You're probably one of them! I know what you mean though, there is a bit of a gay... I don't know if it's a scene, or a network of people who know each other... in my town, and although I already hang out with one or two of them (before coming out), I do wonder if I will fit into it when I come out... not that I have to, because I have my own friends, but it would be nice to have some more gay and bi friends too. I'm sure it's the same with joining any social group though, just be yourself and be considerate of and interested in other people, and see how it goes.
I find myself tripping over certain words. Things like choose/choice, and decide/decision are the first ones that pop in my head. While I'm aware that we are born with our sexual identities, we do make choices and decisions re: how it's expressed, when/if we come out etc. I am worried that I'll come off as a member of the "gay is a choice" camp. As said above the choice argument is about people choosing to be gay. And I say no f***ing way. Your right I can choose to have 'straight sex' but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to women like that or that I'm not attracted to guys. I started noticing I was attracted to guys in jr. high, but I had been raised with so much hatred for gays I didn't want to be gay. I had sex with girl in H.S. and college and have been married and have a child by another woman. I left a path of hurt and destruction for over 10 years. Why? Because I didn't want to be gay I thought if I just conformed that everything would be okay. But even while having sex with girls I'd have arguments ---------- Post added 19th Sep 2013 at 06:02 AM ---------- with myself. My mind would be off somewhere else like I'd be thinking of watching 'The Fast and the Furious' (a movie I used to watch daily)and thinking how hot it would have been if Brian kissed Dom. Then I'd question why I was thinking of this while having sex with a hot chick and thats where the argument began. (C is concious mind V is the little voice in my head) C) Why am I thinking of this right now? V) Because your gay C) AM NOT!!! V) Yes you are C) You see what me and the girl are doing right? V) Yes, but your not enjoying it. C) AM TOO V) (sarcastic) Ok sure... V) Bet youd rather be with Brian right now C) Hell yea! ...er..I mean no....STFU... * C kicks V's ass* I did every thing I could to 'not be gay' and hurt alot of innocent people in the process. Looking back I feel like I'm a terrible person. I finally started to come to terms with my sexuality about 5 years ago it was always there I just didn't want it to be.
