So, I've posted on here a while ago, but since then, a lot has changed. 20 of my closet friends know i'm gay and so does my mother. However, I havent told anyone else in a good few months. My reason for this is, I am now disgusted by who I am. I don't want to be, but I can't help it. I'm scared. I don't understand why I am the one ending up being gay, which has resulted in me being bullied constantly. I hate it. I'm not disgusted by gay people, I love that people express who they are, I love the confidence that gay people have for coming out and everything but I dont understand how I can feel so meaningless, being bullied constantly, being walked all over. Every night i just sit and cry myself to sleep... Why has this happened to me? i dont know what to do.
dont be disgusted with your self you are who you are I used to feel that way then I found out its who I am no need to be upset dont let others get you down be proud to be you dont let others ruin your happyness
It might not necessarily be the homosexuality that's making you feel this way. In fact, you probably have more deep rooted problems than just being gay. It sounds to me like you are probably suffering from low confidence, and the bullies just focused on a sensitive topic and focused on that. It's hard to approach different ways for you to love yourself, as you are always going to be your harshest judge. However, you are always going to have trouble accepting your sexuality if you aren't able to accept all the different parts of yourself. The part that's going to make rebuilding your self worth so difficult is the bullies. A good start to building your confidence is just to find something about yourself, anything at all that you enjoy. This can be literally anything. Just focus on that thing, and just grow from it. Become very dedicated to that one thing and just work at it. Watch your growth every single day and build up your confidence from that thing. It won't be able to stop bullies, but it will give you something to make you strong. After you perfect that one thing, focus on another thing. Just build your skill set until you are finally okay with your self. After that, you may be able to stand up to the bullies, or better yet, ignore then and realize they aren't worth your time. Once you love yourself, it becomes easy to love the gay side of you.
This is a very strong statement. Have you thought why you feel this way and how good it would be to be pleased and proud of who you are. Is it because you are reflecting other people's attitudes back on yourself?
I have felt this way in the past, and I wish I could be there to tell those idiots to go and shove their heads up their own butts where they are clearly keeping their brains. But unfortunately all I can do is offer you the same advice that was once given to me. Don't pay any mind to people who try to put you down. They're nothing more than hateful scum who are trying to foist their own insecurities off on you. You are a wonderful, unique, and beautiful person! Don't let them get to you. (*hug*)