Hey everyone, I need your help on what I should do

Hey everyone, I hope your night is going well. I'm so confused on what I should do and I really would love to hear your advice as I'm pretty new to dating ( especially girls) and I want to be sure I choose the right action.

I met this one girl on *******. She was a lot like me in terms of similar interests etc. and we met at this lgbtq meetup. She acted flirty etc. as did I but I thought nothing of it because it was first time I met her. I thought, maybe I could date this person for a brief second then pushed it out of mind because I didn't want to get my hopes up. ( To explain, I haven't had many mutual experiences, so when I finally think I do, I think I'm mistaken and think I'm wrong aka I have a lot of self- doubt and trust issues from the past)

We hung out a couple of times and she called me everyday. Again, I thought nothing of it because she was new to town and I thought she just wanted to be closer friends. At a certain point she did tell me I was gorgeous and I did pick up on it but again I thought my intuition was wrong so I kept looking at the situation as we were just being close friends

To explain why I reacted that way I did, lets just say I truly realized more of my sexual identity when I was with a girl who was my best friend who.. basically it wasn't mutual and ever since then sometime I feel like I need more therapy for that.. basically I ran into pushing my feelings back to the point where I wouldn't notice them until it was too late.

She invited me to her house for dinner and after, we went out to dinner. At a point of the convo it got silent and I kept making excuses for why there was awkward silence.. lol.

It didn't occur to me that I might like her until she called to tell me she was meeting another person for a date. I suddenly got more jealous. She lost her job and I was worried she cut me off so I sent a weird message saying I wanted to talk to her. I realized it was just drama from the incident and we met up to have dinnner. She was sad so she ordered a lot of drinks and we both got pretty drunk. At a certain point of the convo, we both stopped talking too, random awkward silence again! We ended up going dancing and I continuously flirted with her. She was like " I know you want to kiss me" and I kept laughing nervously around her. I asked her if she wanted me to and I got no response. She told me " Why are you so shy" and then was like " Just kiss me on the cheek" so I did.

She asked if I wanted to stay at her place and take the bus the next day but I told her I was worried about finishing h.w. the next day ( regrets...) so I took a cab. I texted her and told her I wanted to kiss her but I was like oh but you're dating this person. She texted me back saying she is really into the other person and probably better to be just friends. I got no texts from her and a couple days later asked how she was. She told me she had a crazy dream about me and I helped recommend her for a new job.

Is it just me or doesn't it seem like invisible boundaries?

So now I'm at the stage where I miss her everyday.. not realizing before that my attraction to her was real. I guess I still need to work on accepting my own sexuality and grow within myself. ;D

Does anyone have any suggestions for what I should do? Do I tell her or wait for her to contact me? I'm really confused at this point but I also want to give her space to do what she needs to do.

---------- Post added 22nd Sep 2013 at 09:31 PM ----------

I'm wondering if my issues are due to "fear of intimacy".. I've been wondering if I should to therapy for it

 

Wow great advice! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it!!

Haha, I think you're right on the mark and I bet I probably do want something more serious though I've never really had it.. b/c let's just say the feelings were never responded to emotionally. I think I'm gonna go date, not be serious yet, but just keep my options open for now.

Also, when I get attracted to people it's weird like ok so with her.. I think the story is exactly like this.. we both kinda like each other.. we never pinpointed our feelings or confronted the attraction that was obviously there but subtle.. when she kinda left my life, right after she started dating this other person I go even more attatched because I couldn't be with her... but it wasn't until that night that I pinpointed what I was feeling.. despite the fact that I denied it when I was sober

Regardless, I hope she comes back into my life. I was just happy I called, let a message, and got what I felt out of the way so it wouldn't be weird. We probably have very distinct perspectives- her being right out of a relationship and me still really single.. but I think I would benefit from therapy for my future relationships.

 

Thank you, you seriously made my day!! :eusa_danc