1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Why won't she admit who she is?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by FrozenPebbles, Sep 23, 2013.

  1. FrozenPebbles

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2013
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi All,

    Hoping you can all help me process this subject in my head, so here's the backstory.

    I'm an out lesbian, I'm in my early 20's and I am from the UK. I've been out since I was 20 and I have always known who I was, I guess I was lucky, my hardest part was saying I was lesbian to other people, but never myself.

    I have a friend who is 5 yrs older than me, we met through her ex male partner, roughly 3 yrs ago. I was good friends with him, when they split, I actually became more friends with her. My male friend told me back when they got together she liked girls, and that she had a "drunken fumble" as she put it.

    She invited me to a night out with her friends, she lives 2 hrs away, I got a hotel in her hometown and went out on a night out and met 2 of her best friends. She fell over and I offered my hand, I swear I have never felt a connection like it, it was intense, sent tingles all down my spine and down my legs, my stomach tinged and my cheeks got really hot. I have honestly never felt this with anyone previous. I got scared and let go of her hand and all night she flirted with her best friend after I let go.

    I have ended up with a massive crush on this girl, but when I decdied to tell her, it was too late, she entered a relationship with a guy. So I decided to try and move on. Deleted her off FB, deleted all the photo's of us together. Flirty texts, emails, messages etc. I was happy for a good 6 months. Then I went out drinking with a mate in a nearby town to hers, he told me she had made herself single on Facebook. I couldn't stop thinking about her all night, I was awake all night, was pointless even getting a hotel room, I didn't sleep.

    I got home and decided to tell her how I feel, I went onto a national florist and ordered some flowers, they arrived the next day and my friend was copying the posts she was putting on Facebook to me, she loved them, she was begging for the person who sent them to come forward, as it had been 7 hours and she still didn't know who it was. I decided to set up an email address.

    I emailed her and told her I had a few reservations about telling her how I feel, as I am not who she thinks I am etc. She put me at total ease and said she doesn't know if she can rule me out unless I reveal my identity etc. So I tell her...

    She tells me, she's been attracted to women, she's never dated one, but she would be willing to date one, that she's never been with a woman sexually, but quite likes the thought of it. She also said she didn't know me that well enough, but she was willing to get to know me and see if there was anything there. Which is fair enough. Altho she pointed out "The whole thought scares me, It really scares me, I'm so out of my depth it's unreal."

    She was soon to go on holiday to see her mum who she hasn't seen for 3 years, she talked about talking about her sexuality to her mum, as she would be honest with her etc. We talk via email everyday for a good week, she freaks out on me, tells me I shouldn't expect her to put her life on hold. I never asked her to... Tells me that there will be lots of "fun" had as she is single and young. I agreed, altho I like her a lot, I wasn't exactly stopping what I was doing.

    Fast forward to past the holiday, we barely talk, maybe 4 emails. Then I recieve an email from her. Telling me that she is seeing someone, a male, but still wants to talk to me, as she really enjoys our chats and she would honestly miss them.

    I replied and told her that I revealed my feelings so I could start something with her or move on - depending on her answer. I tell her I need to get her out of my head etc. I don't want to be swaying in the background while she is with someone. I tell her I'd miss talking a lot too, but I really need a resolution to this.

    She replies and re-enforces the fact again she would miss the chats. But she understands that I need to get over her. She said she would leave me alone until I invite her into my life again. How now she is a b***h for not telling me she was dating this guy, that I can move on and be with someone who deserves and wants me, 100%. Not some girl who doesn't even know what team she is playing for...

    We did't even get to see if anything was there, it's driving me crazy, and I miss her like crazy. All I want to do is talk to her. Part of me thinks this is a test to see if I really want her? Then the other half of me is thinking she got scared and went back into the arms of a guy?

    I know this sounds horrible, but I don't understand why she is so scared. She is hiding a big part of herself, and even missing out!

    What should I do? :icon_sad:
     
  2. Lewnatic

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2010
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Male
    She's not accepted her sexuality. It's as simple as that. There's no complex reason anyone here can post, because it is her mind. She seems aware of her feelings, so I assume in time it will get better, however you can't start something with someone in that position. It is literally impossible. You should move on for your own good.
     
  3. bazinga91

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2013
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    exactly, she is confused and scared and is trying to hide her feelings.. I think it would be a long road if you wait and could bring a lot of disappointment.. if I were you I would move on and who knows maybe down the road she will get in contact with you when she is ready.. if its meant to be, it will be