First of all , I'm a guy but so confused about my sexuality ..I'm so depressed about a guy now. I believe I have a thing for certain men . Ok so a year ago I met this guy at a local coffee shop where I like to go do some work on my laptop. He's Muslim by religion and is from one of the Arabic countries . We met at that local cafe and started talking in French and he shared with me his experience in France because he lived there too for a little while. The guy seemed interesting at first when I met him because he spoke French but I HAD NO FEELING or ATTRACTION for him whatsoever at the beginning. So after being done introducing to each other I went back to the starbucks to pick up my stuff and go back home because it was late , then I saw him coming right back to ask what my name was ... I told him my name then I left home. The following days , we kept meeting at that starbucks because he usually comes to hang out with his other Arabic friends and roommates in the evening, so when he would see through the window that I was inside the starbucks , he would always stop by to say Hi and ask me what's new with me ... But I started noticing strange behaviors from him. Although I did believe him when he stated that he actually had a girlfriend while sharing his past life from him homecountry , I realized that he may somewhat be sexually confused because there have been a few times where I caught him looking at my butt(ass) while I'm standing up picking up my stuff to leave the café , looking at my behind like he's checking it out . I'm not a person strictly interested in sex by the way. We added each other on Facebook. So months went by seeing him at the starbucks , and I kept realizing that he would show up at the starbucks ONLY when I update on my facebook status that I'm at the starbucks through Foursquare , I just like to check into places on my smartphone wherever I go. There have also been times when some of his friends would tell me that he stopped by asking if I was at the Starbucks or what time I usually come. The weird thing about this guy is that he repeatedly mentioned to me many times how he likes blonde women and find them very sexually attractive. But at the same time , I found him stating that HE'S NOT HANDSOME while just chatting as if he was trying to get an answer from me regarding his looks .. That was before I actually started feeling attracted to him as well .. Once he stated that he stated that he's not handsome as if he was asking me to answer him that question , I jokingly made a comment on how he might be a person loving compliments .. Right after I made that comment , he started talking about what some crazy gay person did on TV, which made me wonder if he wasn't saying that for me to stop wondering if he could be gay after asking me if he's handsome or not ... then he left back to join his group of friends outside. After a week not seeing him at the local startbucks and only checking his profile on Facebook sometimes , I started FINDING myself becoming VERY VERY attracted to him one night when I realized that he stopped at the starbucks , saw me and never said hi. He was ignoring me for the first time . I started trying to make a move by just sending messages to him on a weekly basis through facebook asking him how he's been , etc .. He would respond back but very briefly , but while chatting once on facebook , he mentioned that I'm a nice guy AND actually invited me to come to San Francisco with him on a trip during Thanksgiving break ... But for some reason he never made that happen and would always find excuses not to hang out with me when I invited him , yet I would notice on his facebook that he was with his buddies in Vegas , etc ... All this kinda started hurting me because I was now really developing strong EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL feelings for him so bad . SO HERE COMES the interesting part of this story ... I invited him to come to the startbucks once when I saw him online on Facebook and he came , I told him how I missed him . He asked me many times before if I had a girlfriend by the way , even during the first times we met , I said no and that I'm not currently interested in a relationship .. then after mentioning to him that I missed him , he told me that he hopes I'm not gay .. I told him vaguely no .. After that moment , I stopped chatting with him and interacting with him on Facebook , but I would see that he would keep coming back to the startbucks after checking at the starbucks on Facebook . He knew I was hurt by the statement he made saying that he hopes I'm not gay or something . The confusion is that I also felt like he was at the same time STALKING me somehow at that café and showing up when he knows I am there through Facebook. So I would pretend like I didn't see him during those nights and leave without even saying bye . So Time kept going by with me ignoring him WHILE hurting so much and missing him though ASKING MYSELF IF HE REALLY LOVES ME OR NOT because they have been MANY SIGNS , even times when I saw HIM STARING AT ME MANY TIMES through the window while with his friend . Christmas of 2012 came and I decided to send him a MERRY XMAS message on Facebook and just try to reconnect with him again . When he sent me back a reply saying that he wishes me a MERRY XMAS as well and all the best for my WHOLE LIFE in a very endearing way . I responded that I thought I was a nuisance to him and he responded to me that he never said that ... So we kept exchanging messages through facebook to a point where I would tell him HOW MUCH I MISS HIM and he would still respond back thanking me for my messages , but would still not try to hang out making up excuses .. YET he was SO EAGER to hang out . Each time that I posted my personal pictures on Facebook , especially my facial pictures , he's the first one to ALWAYS like them . He went to his homecountry on a vacation promising me that he would meet me first before leaving but he never did so . I had bought him a very nice gift hoping that he would meet before his trip. I messaged him on Facebook wondering if he was still around or already gone .. letting him know HOW I TERRIBLY MISS HIM AND HOW I realized that I'm emotionally attached to him . He responded back saying that he had no time to meet me because of all the crazy errands he had to do before leaving but that he also thought about me and bringing me back souvenirs of his country. I was relieved that he responded me back because he was becoming the center of my thoughts for the last 10 months. He came back to the US and promised me that we were going to meet soon. We finally decided to meet , took him to a restaurant to eat something , then I told him that I'd like to give him the gift I had gotten for him before his trip ... We walked to my car and finally handed to him my gift . He received it telling me how he's really touched like he meant it. Then I decided that I would really tell him about my feeling after that ... I started telling him how I've been missing him . but I was too scared to actually say that I was in love with him because of the fear of how he might react EVEN THOUGH I HAVE SEEN SIGNS from him that he was into me as well ... I kept going around bushes trying to tell him how I feel and he would keep asking me , keep going .. what are you trying to say ... I responded to him why he's pretending he doesn't know what I'm talking when he knows everything I said in my messages to him ... After he briefly mentioned how he likes me too , and how normal it is to say so , and that another male friend of him said the same thing to him BUT he also added that he wouldn't like me in a LOVE/ ROMANTIC & HOMOSEXUAL manner. At that point , things started to feel really awkward that day while talking , I was pretty sure the signs were legit .. He currently has no girlfriend and tells me how he sometimes has one night stands with females here and there . and It terribly BREAKS MY HEART to just heart that ... After going back home from our meeting , I texted him back how sorry I am to have said what I said to him and asking him to forgive me by calling me back. He said that he couldn't call me because he's among his family at that moment , so I messaged him through Facebook telling me the same thing again , and that I would never disturb him again through sending him messages , even though he once mentioned that it is RECIPROCAL WHEN I TOLD HIM that my friendship with him MEANS A LOT to me once months ago . Hours later , I realized he BLOCKED ME on facebook , I'm not on his facebook ANYMORE and it just BREAKS BREAKS MY HEART to not see him among my friends anymore . I knew he blocked me because from my other fake account , I could see his profile . Now the interesting thing is that I also realized that 2 days later , he QUIT facebook too. He's not in the list of his other friends too. He's currently looking for a professional gig trying to stabilize himself. I've been leaving him voicemail begging for his forgiveness but I am not getting any response , no text messages back .... What do you guys think of this situation as described ? is HE SEXUALLY CONFUSED TOO ? WAS HE SOMEHOW IN LOVE WITH ME TOO ?? Is he scared to admit his own feelings and just say that he only loves women ? Please read my post and let me know ! Thank you ... I'm so depressed I may not ever hear from him again ,yet something tells me that he may reach out to him in the future again:tears:
Hi there! It sounds like you've invested a lot of emotional energy in this guy for a long time, without getting much response. So I'm not sure you'll be interested to hear what I have to say, but I'll offer it anyway. At this point, he's wavered on wanting to see you many times. He's told you a couple times that he's not gay, and that his feelings for you aren't romantic or sexual ones. He's also told you about his relationships and sex with women. Now, after telling him how you feel, you aren't in touch with him anymore, by his choice, and were blocked from his facebook. At some point, you'll need to call a spade a spade - I don't think he's confused, I just think he's straight, or - if bisexual - simply not attracted to you, or not in a place to explore such an attraction right now. Sorry. (*hug*) But, I will say - I don't think you did anything wrong here. Buying the present was sweet, and noticing his coffee-visiting habits is kind of cute, and would make a good story if something had started. Having feelings for him is totally okay - but it's also okay for you to acknowledge what happened, and move forward. Somebody else out there will be thrilled to get a present from you.
anotehr thing you may want to do is focus on people that you know are indeed gay. straight crushes are the worst because you will always be left in limbo wondering if they are gay or not and 9 times out of 10 they are not gay or just not into you. focus on the gays.
Then how would you explain a person staring at you for a longtime while he's in a group of friends talking ? Funny to say this but I have caught him twice , unfortunately , checking out my behind with facial expressions of fantasy ... seriously. That was before I actually started to get attracted to him. Also , I have sent him way too many emails saying that I miss him and that he's my best friend and he would respond back thanking me for what I've said . I once told him to please come visit me when I move to another town , and he responded that to me not to worry and that he feels the same way about me .. I mean , responding to me telling me that his friendship means a lot to me . I've made it clear to him that I was emotionally attached to him before in emails and he responded back to my email , without saying anything bad .. but mentioning that he's been thinking of me too when he went overseas on a trip ... Bought me drinks at the café when noticing that I am there . I know for sure that he would come to the coffee shop when I mentioned on my facebook status showed that I'm there otherwise he would never show up ... Aren't these legit signs ?? ---------- Post added 24th Sep 2013 at 12:48 AM ---------- Also , before I ever got attracted to him ... he would try to get my attention and ask me if he is handsome ... would a real straight guy ask questions like this ? The reason why I am sure of the signs is because it's not normal to realize that someone stares at you for a longtime when you pretend to look away ... I use my peripheral vision a lot and I have seen him way too many times staring at me ... he even once mentioned that I am handsome too ... I am not saying he's bi or gay for sure .. its just that those signs were pretty strong .. what do u think ?
Darling, I honestly don't mean to sound harsh with this, but it sounds like you're clutching at straws. You are investing FAR too much emotional energy in this boy, and regardless of his sexuality that is a big no. You can only invest so much, the other person also has to do some work, and right now you're doing all of it. Is he straight, is he bisexual, is he gay, who knows. It doesn't matter at this point, what does matter is your obsessing over it because you're just hurting yourself. He sounds a lot like one of my close straight friends, who I once fell for and even once shared a drunken kiss with. I, too, was enamored and confused by the way he spoke and looked at me. I thought, for a second, he may have been interested in me. However, in the end...he's as straight as the straight guys come. But he is able to talk to me with gentleness and tell me that he misses me - we haven't seen each other for a very long time, he wants to go to the pub for a catch up he says. He'll drop me a text now and then saying "Hello stranger! I miss you!" if we've gone a while without speaking. But this is called a friendship, and that may be all what you have with this guy: a friendship. Which is a beautiful thing if you can accept that. But it definitely sounds like you need to let go of your emotional lust for him. It's unhealthy and you could be so much happier with someone else.
Lewnatic .. Thank you so much for responding .. Could I please talk to you more in person and show you the messages I exchanged with him over time so you can clearly understand what I mean ? Do you have like an email ? I have told him things you should NEVER say to a straight guy and he would say , THANK you for those nice words . He has said to me things that STRAIGHT guys never say to another guy , like telling me that the strong emotional bond is mutual , when I begged him to come visit me . The first time I was getting to know me , he was checking out my body in a VERY SEXUAL MANNER and would quickly turn his head when noticing that I was going to look at him. Staring at me for a VERY LONGTIME and even stalking me at starbucks . There were times when he would just come to ask his friends if I ever stopped by and if I was not there , he would go back home ... then come back to see if I was there ... Would you still say that is the behavior of STRAIGHT person or is he in a state where maybe he's battling his sexual confusion or is in denial but will never admit it ? He's muslim too .. I'd like to hear your input on this
Well, this is a hard one because this is your perspective. I can't see him doing these things for myself, so I can't really give a third person opinion. Let me try and pick this apart a little bit... What you say has no bearing on his sexuality, but him responding to you by saying thank you for your nice words could simply be politeness. You know, a straight guy can be flattered by the affections of a gay guy. In fact, I have a few straight friends who love flirting with me. Boys will be boys. I'm confused, he says this when you beg him to come and visit you? Like the point above, his reaction is spurred by something you've done. You've told him you like him - he says thank you, you ask him to come and see you - he starts saying he has an emotional bond with you. Both are replies to your questions, and that might be a big clue here. Again, I wasn't there, but...are you 100% sure? What do you define as a "sexual manner"? And going off the fact you knew when he was staring and when he wasn't, I assume you were also staring at him. Which could be the reason he was staring at you. It's very easy for your imagination to get carried away from simple eye contact. I once had a crush on someone in college, I thought he was gay and he persistently winked and smiled at me from across the cafeteria. But he was straight in the end, he was just being friendly. How do you know this? His friends told you? It could have been as simple as "hey, is <your name> about?" If you're friends, why wouldn't he want to hang out with you? Additionally, I doubt a person hiding their true sexuality would make it so obvious to their friends like that. I wouldn't say this is the behavior of a straight person, I would say this is the behavior of a friend. But again, I don't know this. The point of him being a muslim could be significant, however considering he seems to think so highly of you, one who is questioning his sexuality, it likely doesn't have much of an issue with the homosexual world. You can drop me a personal message on this forum, I think I'd be more likely to check that as my emails can get very lost in between each other. My poor grandma often goes a while before I remember to respond to her via email! But I'm glad my advice helped you, and will gladly help in any other way I can.
Hey Lewnatic: Thanks again for responding to my reply . Well , I pretend that I don't look at people when they're staring at me . There's a way you can see people looking at you pretending that you're staring at your computer. That's how I caught him staring at me MANY MANY times AND I AM A 100% sure he didn't know I was noticing ... and those were the days where I had NO ATTRACTION TO HIM WHATSOEVER .. Those were signs that actually gave me the courage to start trying to get to him . When he was checking me out in a sexual manner , I noticed it while standing pretending to look only at my stuff picking them up. I have pretty good peripheral vision... again that was when I was not interested in him in anyway. And yes , I knew he would ask about me when I was not around because one of his friends would tell me that he stopped by to see if I was not there .. and asked what time I usually come to the coffee shop. There was just vibes and signs that I did get from him ... but what confuses me is that when I actually started getting attracted to him and make it obvious that I like him , he started being a little distant. Like I mentioned , there was a period when I completely started to ignore him without sending him messages or chatting with him like I used to when he was online and I noticed that he would start SHOWING UP at the coffee shop when I checked in on facebook that I am at the coffee shop because it shows .. and when I wouldn't do that , he would never show up. My gut feeling tells me that he is probably struggling with his feelings too and maybe wouldn't want to come to the reality that he likes another guy ... He did mention that he feels the very same way and begging me to believe me WHEN I SAID that my friendship with him means the WHOLE WORLD asking me to come visit me if I move away for a new job I was getting . He was always the first one to like ALL MY facial facebook pictures , always always ... I am just wondering what just happened when he decided to block me on facebook when I bought him a really nice watch last weekend, we said bye to each other , he even stated that I am his best friend , but after arriving home he blocked me on facebook , 2 days later I realized that he NOW QUIT facebook as well .. like totally and he never does it .. he's always on there ... what really happened ???
