Ok, so the deal is I need some advice on this guy. I don't really have very many gay friends and the ones that I do have don't really understand. Last year during summer, I met this guy. He was very attractive, tall and just a genuinely nice guy. He wasn't out at the time and frankly, I think was somewhat confused with the whole "gay" thing because he had never had any interaction with another guy before and just got his own place away from his family in a different state. I was ok with this, because I too was still getting comfortable being with a guy. At first, we would text all day and night just getting to know each other. And when our schedules didn't conflict, we would get together at night and well... you know, do things. Yes, I did take his "gay virginity". He was very open about what he liked and how he liked exploring new things with me. This made me feel kinda special and wanted. We continued to do this for about a year. When I would come home from school for weekends or breaks we made it a point to see each other. I know that at first he just wanted a "fwb" and I was completely ok with that. Every time we would talk, he would say things like "I could never see myself bringing a guy home to the family or having a boyfriend, that just sounds weird", and make references to marrying a woman one day. So I didn't really push the idea of us trying to make things serious, because I didn't want to push him away or frighten him I guess. Also, we never went out together and did things in public. I understood this cause he wasn't comfortable being seen with another guy and frankly I was ok with staying in and doing other things. Well anyway, when this past summer came to a start I decided that when I returned home for the summer that I was going to tell him how I felt, because honestly I fell for him...hard. A side note (the last 3 times we got together, we didn't have sex, we just did other sexual things, which I thought was kinda abnormal for us and I did feel some sort of disconnect). Well, the weeks leading up to my return home I would try to text him and we would be very short with his answers. So finally when I got home I texted him and asked if I was bothering him, this was the following conversation we had: Me: I feel like everytime I text you I'm bothering you Him: That's not the case Me: Ok well what is Him: I'm talking to someone Me: ok, a guy or girl? Him: guy Me: well that sucks Him: :/ Me: Is it serious? Him: Not really Me: ok so does that mean that you don't wanna talk to me anymore? Him: not necessarily. I honestly don't know what it means... Me: That's so vague Him: I know, sorry Me: I mean I don't really know what you want Him: I don't either Me: Are you looking to be serious with him I guess is what I should be asking Him: I don't know. I think it's safe to say at this point that we are exclusive though Me: are you out now? Him: not exactly Me: what does that mean? Him: I'm in the process of telling my family Me: oh ok. so if you're coming out to your family for this guy it's getting serious Him: Its not just for him. I hate being secretive and dishonest to my family Me: Yeah I understand that. Sorry if I'm being pushy with questions. I just feel kinda shitty cause I guess I never knew what you wanted from me or how you felt and I'd be lying if I said I didn't at least have some feelings for you cause you really are a sweet guy. Him: Well I'm sorry if I put you in a weird position Me: Sorry If I'm dropping all this on you now. I just thought we would see each other since I'm home for summer and maybe see where things went Him: That's not something I would feel ok doing at this point Me: I understand. Is just friends a possibility? Him: yea, possibly Me: well I really do care. and I hope everything goes well, and I hope you know that i'm here to talk if you ever want. Him: Thanks (my name), I really appreciate it. Me: anytime. Well now that I at least let you know, I'll let ya go. Hope to talk to ya soon (his name), good luck. Ok so I know I probably screwed myself over with this convo cause I just kinda gave up at the end and I realized this more and more after reading it again and again. But I was just so heart broken and didn't know what to say. I hate that his answers were so vague and he didn't acknowledge that I confessed my feelings for him, and replied with sorry you feel that way. It's been a couple months since this convo and it was our last. But, he has been sending me snapchats which is confusing me. This makes me think that he is still thinking about me and trying to keep contact with me. Ok, his snapchats aren't of him, they are always of things he's doing, like concerts. The thing that just kills me the most is that he came out to his family for this guy after telling me how he couldn't see himself with a "boyfriend". It makes me feel really hurt that he wanted to come out for this guy after only a couple months, but not a year for me. I know I wasn't pushing him out of the closet but that's just how I feel. Also this new guy isn't attractive at all. I'm not saying that I'm a model, but I am a fairly attractive guy and this just kills me. Also I finally got up the courage to add him on facebook and he accepted my request fairly quickly. I guess I'm just hoping that one day he will want to be with me because he has been all I can think about for the past 5 months and I feel like I was in love with him and my heart is just broken into pieces right now. So I guess my question to all of you is: What do I do now? Do I try to establish a conversation? I really do want to know how he is doing. Please help. P.s. sorry that was so long I've been keeping this in for months and I just need some clarification.
I read just the conversation. What he's saying looks like how I talk to someone when I don't really care to talk to them again any time soon. I'd say forget about him and move on. Wait for him to contact you, if ever, and when he does, so be clingy.
here's the deal bro 1. he doesn't like you 2. he experimented with you and it was cool but you weren't what he wanted. 3. he met someone else and is really into them. 4. he is not into you. 5. he is only keeping in contact with you as an afterthought or because he is bored. he is not seriously thinking about you though. you are now an associate. basically its like you're getting a mass message. he likes to know you are still accessible if he wants to walk over you again when he gets bored. 6. he doesn't want to talk to you. 7. move on. if you want to play games with him or other people in the future, do the following: 1. do not respond to any of his text messages or snapshots (whatever those are anyway). 2. if he sends you an actual real text message, it will be out of the blue like "hey what's been up". DO NOT respond. Wait a few days or a week and respond back very short answer. "sup, im good, u?". if he responds to that, also wait a hour or two a day or two to respond back. ALWAYS respond short answer. ONLY respond to what is being asked, do not ask any long questions. This will make him curious as to why his doormat hasn't responded back fast or with excitement and interest. 3. if he ask you to hang out, say somethign like "got some things going on that day, but i'll let you know". then do not let him know. blow him off. 4. once you blow him off and stand him up, if he text you back after that like "hey what happened to sunday" your repsonse, "my bad, got busy". For jerks like his you have to turn the tables and make give them their own medicine in order for them to "like you". its not worth it in my opinion but if you want to catch someone like this, you cannot be too available and you have to make them chase you. again, my advice would be to cut this guy off and move on to someone that does respect you. also if you play these games you could end up playing them with someone that really likes you. however, i have to speak from experience with guys, when you are honest and upfront and show you're interested they end up backing off. men are hunters by nature, so they need to feel like there's someting to hunt for. if they know its an easy catch, they will grow tired of you fast and flake. its sad, but that's how it is.
