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I went on a date! My first date ever!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Gazza123, Sep 25, 2013.

  1. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    So this may come as a bit of a surprise to those of you who have kept up with threads and constant rants but I just wanted to share what happened and hopefully get some advice and thoughts from you guys.

    So to set the scene I started chatting to this guy on (Insert App name here) and he seemed nice. He didn't have a profile picture but I did and he was genuinely nice. He shared his profile picture and we found out what we were both looking for which turned out to be the same thing. We chatted about out and anything which lead to me asking him if fancied meeting up for a chat in person, maybe go for coffee.

    To which he agreed. Yay (By the way this all happened yesterday)

    We arranged to meet today as I had, luckily, caught him on a day off. We arranged to meet in the local public park where there was plenty people about, safer and better that way. Then we spent the best part of an hour walking around the park, chatting. Finding out each others interests and what not. We actually don't have many interests in common but that didn't stop us from having a great time.

    We actually didn't get chance to go for coffee either.

    I walked with back to his car and really wanted to kiss him but I didn't. Both because I was nervous and felt a bit weird about doing outside in case someone saw who didn't approve of gay people. We said bye and he has my number now and I have his. I texted him after to say I had a great time and that really wanted to kiss him.

    He replied with that he had a good time and was also nervous about kissing me but wanted to.

    He seemed pretty up for more dates and I didn't want to pressure him into anything. He is only out to his parents and not out fully due to his workplace being homophobic.

    So any thoughts guys

    He aid we could have gone back to his but his step mum was in and it wouldn't be a good idea plus he doesn't bring strangers home which is understandable. He also said he works most days and is only free on the weekend which might be a problem since I tend to be busy on a weekend and free on a weekday but hopefully we can work around that.

    So what do you guys think? Advice/Thoughts/etc etc:icon_bigg
     
  2. Mlpguy88

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    Sorry I can't offer advice because I don't know much about dating. I just wanted to say congratulations :slight_smile:
     
  3. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    thanks :slight_smile:
     
  4. Phoenix

    Phoenix Guest

    Aww that's adorable :]. I'm sure you'll be able to work around the opposite scheduling; if he's interested enough he'll find a way. Have you guys been talking regularly since the date?
     
  5. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    Not really. But he did say he was busy because he a lot to do on the afternoon around the house

    But we;re hoping to set up a second date.

    I just don't know how to deal with the fact that he isn't fully out or that our interests differ which is a good thing I suppose.

    I still really like him though and it was only a first date
     
  6. penguin machine

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    Good work. An excellent first date by any standards. I'm actually kinda proud of you. You were smart to do it in public and everything.

    A lack of common interests might be an issue. A lack of chemistry would be worse. You can learn to share in the enjoyment of each other's activities, and being able to independently have a good time matters too. What you want is the chemistry that will make spending time together worth it. If you have that, see how you feel about your differing interests. I couldn't date a guy who smokes, smokes pot, or drinks a lot. And even the great chemistry I had with one such guy wasn't reason enough to date him.
     
  7. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    Well we got on well and had a good laugh. It felt like there was a bit chemistry there. The differing interests and go either way really.

    He doesn't smoke and likes the occasional drink and nights out but not the stay up all hours night out which is cool? Cuz I'm not like that either
     
  8. bazinga91

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    Congrats! It sounds like you really enjoyed yourself! Relax and enjoy the feeling don't over think it, or think of things that could go wrong, just go along for the ride! have fun, plan a second date and take it day by day!
     
  9. LILuke

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    Congratulations dude! Best of luck going forward and have a blast! Also know that I am deeply envious of you. xD
     
  10. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    I wouldn't be too envious mind. After thinking it over the lack of common interests really does put a spanner in the works. There's just too much different to consider we wud ever get along in a relationship.

    I think I sort of jumped ahead too much since it was my first date. Also I think physical attraction is somewhat of a mixed bag. I know it's not meant to be the be all and end all but it does have to exist and I dunno....

    His personality is nice but looks wise he doesn't completely do it for me. He is not the sort I would go for and I feel horrible for thinking it but if I'm not attracted to him that way then that's really gonna be an issue.

    With the differences in interests and I mean big differences coupled with the fact that he isn't fully out and well... I dunno

    I am really unsure abd actually he won't be the guy for me
     
  11. congrats! :slight_smile:

    as long as you have at least a few things in common it could work i.e like you said lifestyle, its good that you dont have everything the same as then you two are your own people tbh and wont end up doing everything together as your interests differ.

    let us know how it goes if you go on another date :slight_smile:

    EDIT; just read your reply ^
    let it see where it goes, i know ive met some women and been like nah im not interested in you like that but then i got to know them and i felt attracted to them. sometimes attraction isnt instant :slight_smile:

    and about him being half out, it could be difficult but you shoul cross that bridge when you come to it. talk about it and see what he has to say its been one date so you still ahve a lot to learn about one another.
     
    #11 flyinhernikes, Sep 26, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 26, 2013
  12. Pocky

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    Love your work :slight_smile:

    I hope you find what makes you happy. But if it doesn't work out, at least it was a good start.
     
  13. Filip

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    That is why the good lord invented... the second date! :wink:

    Because... I get why you're having all of these doubts the day after. And some of them are good questions to raise.
    However, a lot of them are true of any relationship. Finding a cloned version of your brain, packaged in the body of your dreams is very rare indeed, and most people in relationships managed to make it work anyway. Not because they settled down for less than perfect, but because many differences can indeed be overcome.

    Now, I wouldn't say this if you had a horrible first date. But there is a lot of contrast here. If I'd ask you right after the first date if you wanted to hang out again with the guy, I'm sure you would have said "Hell, yes!". you had a good time, regardless of the differences you're thinking of now.

    Will the good feeling prevail and the differences be overcome? That's impossible to say. But I also think you shouldn't focus too much on what could happen (if everyone only did that, nothing would ever get done), but on what DID happen.

    So... if you ask me, the best course of action right now is to set up another meetup. Go slow, voice your concerns, but don't withdraw at the first difference you notice. Worst case, you lost an afternoon, but I'd say the possible benefit is still worth an extra date!
     
  14. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    Good advice to think about

    I did text him a bit later but got no response so I don't want to bug him too much.

    I'm just confused