Hello everyone. I decided after reading some things that people have posted on here, that I wanted to to join. I've never been one to use forums much, but I figured I would give it a shot. Anywho, here is a little bit about me: I'm a sixteen year old guy who is pretty sure he's gay. I only have a a few friends that know, so I guess that's why I wanted to join. For support and understanding and whatnot. I'm a big fan of pokemon and am a bit of an otaku. I've been dying to talk about my complicated relationship with my best friend. So I guess I'll begin with the first time we met. When I was in seventh grade, I had art class with who was to become my best friend, lets call him Tim for the sake of anonymity. After that year we didn't have any other classes together, we kind of forgot about each other. In ninth grade, we started riding the same bus together. I was recovering from a nasty breakup over the summer, with a girl, and at that point had realized I was definitely attracted to guys. But more to the point, I was mildly interested in him very early on. When we started to become friends again, I quickly developed a huge crush on him. This is where the hair tearing out begins. We started hanging out a lot. I started sleeping over at his house frequently. Tim was and still is, for lack of a better word, very affectionate. He constantly hugged me and cuddled with me. He teased me a lot, but not in a mean way. He seemed to be a little bit more than normally enthusiastic about spending time with me. He even almost gave me a hickey once, still have no idea why. I was almost sure he was interested in me, but never found the courage to ask him. Our relationship went on like this for about a year in a half. It sounds ridiculous I know. I was sure I was in love with him for a long time too, I may even have been. My crush was unrequited and it pained me, but I just couldn't risk ruining our friendship. Finally, near the end of last school year, after receiving advice from a friend, I asked him out. He turned me down and told me he was 100% straight. As you can imagine, I was devastated. However, I put up, as well as I could, a mask of indifference around him. I had never told him I was gay, so I think he assumes I was just desperate and that he is nothing special to me. Sense then, I've tried very hard to suppress my feelings for him, I think pretty effectively. After the initial shock, he started acting almost exactly the way he was before. Perhaps he hugs me a little less in public, but he still is a little bit over affectionate and occasionally someone will comment on his behavior. He told his parents I was gay after I asked him out, but we still sleep over at each other's houses, oddly enough. I'm not sure how I should handle our relationship now. I can't help feeling a little guilty about receiving his affection. Like I'm taking advantage of the situation. I'm not sure what to do or think. Thank you for reading. Your opinions and advice are welcomed. I really just wanted to get all of this off my chest.
Why feel guilty? Sounds like he knows you like him. It's his decision if wants to keep treating it like a bromance basically. You're only taking advantage if you wouldn't be his friend except for the attraction. Be grateful to have a friend like that, and keep your eyes open for other romantic interests.
Thanks. That makes me feel a little better and you're right. I am lucky to have a friend that is so accepting. Though sometimes it seems more like he is ignoring the issue.
