I have to meet with my conservative pastor...

The only advice I can give you is to look him straight in the eye when he speaks to you; keep your body relaxed, upright and confident, exhibit no sign of shame, because you haven't any concerning your orientation. Remind him that you know who you are, that it is who you are, and that there is no turning back.

You are proud of who you are, and you are proud that you had the guts to come out and tell the world.

Once it is over, thank him for his time and leave. Preferably at a time of YOUR choosing.

 

People can't crush you (or frustrate you even) unless you allow it. I'm going to assume that you're young enough that the idea of dealing with an adult is still somewhat intimidating. But don't let him intimidate you.

I've 'talked things over' with a former pastor before who thought I should go for reparative therapy (because he cared you see). By the time I was done with him he was nearly in tears. A few thoughts:

Being calmly dismissive goes a long way - 'Well, you're certainly entitled to your opinion." pretty much rejects any argument he can make. If he tries to blither on about 'God's will' or some such, point out that God presumably made you as you are and you see no reason to change just because it makes the pastor unhappy.

There are other things but they get progressively less nice. I'll assume you don't want to express utter contempt for this person and all they believe to their face.

Todd

 

my advice (from experience) sit there pay attention and just let him humor you with his misquotations of bible verse.

PS: my experience was with one of the spokesmen for Exodus International it is possible to go through un-scaved

 

Doesn't sound really nice to me, but Greatwhale is exactly right, you need to show confidence and try to not explode in anger. Likely he just wants to exert authority. If you are sent more than once, then you can get angry.

 

I'm really jealous to be honest...I'd love the opportunity to tear a pastor a new arsehole. Pun somewhat intended....

Jokes aside though, I imagine I'd breeze in not a care in the world. Shake his hand and sit myself down like a king. Say 'I understand it has been brought to your attention that I'm gay?'. Oh the power of being able to make him feel immediately out of his depth as you're evidently completely comfortable with the subject. Then I'd start on how it's absolutely normal to be gay and that it's nothing more than natural variation, followed by a number of well researched scientific statistics.

Then I would move onto how flawed I believe religion is. And how outdated the beliefs are, drawing from some of the more idiotic biblical verses. All the while being completely dismissive of anything he had to say and more so not letting him get one word in! Then I would pluck out a cigarette from my pocket, place it in my lips, shake his hand, make stern eye contact and say 'Good day.', before breezing out of the room before he could even digest what transpired....

What a fantasy!

 

I think you should just walk into that meeting with your head held high. Be proud of who you are. Be polite to him, and listen, but don't allow him to let you feel bad, or feel shame for who you are. You don't deserve that. And you don't have to allow it. When the meeting is over, simply give him a handshake, thank him for his time and walk away feeling good about who you are. Best wishes!

 

Give him a look like this (Thank you, Orson Welles!)



Good luck! (*hug*)

 

Pastor implies being pastoral. That is within his purview. Judging is not. That is God's job, for those of us who believe in God.

If the meeting has a judgmental tone, let the negativity go in one ear and out the other. The problem is that these sorts of interactions are often too memorable because of their unique nature.

 

If you are forced to hear their side, then it's only fair for them to hear yours. I would insist on that point if they continue to try to "educate" you. Hopefully, even if they don't really change their minds, they can learn to agree to disagree and respect you.

I'm proud of you for going and standing up for yourself. You are very strong.

 

I think you are managing this pretty well.

Well, this is annoying on their part, but is also a great opportunity for you. Do, just the contrary of what they expect of gay peopled. When having phisical intimacy, protect yourself, be very selective with your partners, quality over quantity, and be moral.

Hey! I will go further, if you are the kind of people who wants to help others, join some group that helps, i dont know... Poors, homeless, sick people, people who dont know how to read or something like that. Discover the huge awesome powers of contradicting the bad expectations others have of you... This paired with firmly (but gently, being gentle with those who oppose your views) defending your posture, will lead to demostrating that you can be both gay and a good person at the same time.

And of course, be happy, show them you can be happy too.

 

^You don't have to go that far. Straight ally's advice is solid because you'll also be happier that way. If you meet some nice guy but you're not married, you should pursue that. You'll find a balance - living in a way that can inspire others and change their opinions on gays, but not sacrificing everything that will make you happy in the process. There's a big gap between safe private sex and lying in a ditch. You don't have to tell them about your sex life either. It's not their business.