Hi guys, not sure why I'm posting this but I just need to get it outta my chest... So, here I am on a saturday night at home, no plan, tho don't feel like going out anyway which only gives me more time to think what's going on with me. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining since my life is "alright", I mean I have a decent job, a loving family who I'm sure would support me even when I decide to come out, a nice group of friends (tho I wish I had a really close one I could completely rely on) and so on, but yet I can't help but feel miserable sometimes, today being one of those days. It's true I've suffered depression since my early teens but there always seem to be something triggering it but now I can't really put the finger on what it is. I mean I know the loneliness (as in a lack of relationship) is not helping me, but that's not new to me, why would it be bothering me so much now? I just feel so lost right now, I said to myself I wasn't going to give more thought to this but... I keep wondering when my time would come, I know I have to make it happen but seriously don't know what to do anymore. Dating sites are a disaster and real life is just as bad. I just recently managed to grow some balls and talk to a guy at my gym who I know is gay and I believe I have pretty crearly stated my interest on him, hell I even ask him to a quick dinner one day and it all went great, he seemed interested, he's got my number now but haven't heard from him again. Which left me thinking: Is he taken, not interested, or just not into me? I just don't know, I don't believe in karma and that but sometimes I feel like I somehow deserve this, I mean I don't like to speak about myself but I've been told I'm a pretty good catch, and I'm not talking about my mom only, and its not that I'm super attractive but I do consider myself decent looking (keep in mind I'm not photogenic lol) and with my (supposely, is that a word?) nice personality its a good combo. I mean I've plenty of girls and some guys crushing on me on the last years, which I have politely rejected one by one, but now it's me who's on the other end! And even on the dating sites I'm being rejected by some now, first I was pissed, not in a way as how they could resist to me haha, but who the hell do they think they are to reject me if I'm not ugly and didn't even gave me the chance to get to "know me" a bit more, but then I realize this is what I've been doing with the guys I'm not interested in and I now feel like shit. And I suppose this is only fair, that's how life works right? Anyway that wasn't even my point, the thing is I just feel in the middle of nowhere right now, hope its just a temporary thing. Thanks for reading, if someone actually makes it to here ha. (*hug*) to all.
Hola Diego, I feel for you, I remember being your age and wondering the same thing. But really, how could your current situation be Karma if you did the right thing by rejecting advances by women? As for guys, well, if you weren't interested, you weren't interested. There's a book that goes by the title: "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter", I think there is truth to that, but instead of focusing on the "Lonely" I would focus on the "Hunter". What does a hunter do exactly? First he explores the terrain, and gets to know it intimately. A good hunter knows his prey, its habits, living spaces and the locations of its preferred sources of food and water. A hunter is willing to lie in wait for hours, standing still but alert to the slightest clue of the prey's presence. Most of all, predators are willing to tolerate a low success rate; for example, a lion's success rate is only 1 in 4 attempts, but a dragonfly's is 95%, here's an article on the topic: Article suggests dragonflies are the most effective predators in the animal world - 95% success rate I'm certainly not advocating stalking :dry:, but "hunting" is an apt analogy. Focus on knowing who it is you are interested in, where they are likely to be found, the times at which that happens. When seeing someone of interest, observe them carefully beforehand for clues on what you might want to talk about; lie in wait for an opportunity to approach and, most importantly, be prepared for rejection, as a matter of fact: expect it; while realizing that it's a numbers game; you're working with a base rate of success, count on it! It takes practice and hunter-like patience, and several attempts must be made, it's part of the game. Try calling it a success rate rather than a failure rate...and one day maybe you can call yourself "the dragonfly"! . More importantly, focus on the game, focus on your "prey" and less on Karma or other self-directed thoughts, Try to interrupt your thinking that there's something wrong with you (self-focus is a strong characteristic of depression). There isn't anything wrong with you...you're a real Guapo, a real catch! P.S. I was born in Mexico. When I lived there they used to call me "guero" (before I turned grey, that is lol)
Hola greatwhale! You offer here very wise advice as per usual. You should apply for the "Job" just to make it official Well, feeling better already, yeah I'm like that ha. In fact one of those guys I thought was rejecting me on that dating site did contact me after all and I ended hooking up with him. I know I know, not very wise of me since I just met him. However my last night's encounter left me with even more worries which I wil certainly look advice for once I figure out where the thread should go since I don't even know myself what's going on, I'm so confused. Saludos güero! Diego.
Don't beat yourself up, as long as you were safe (I presume you were careful) you took care of a need. The prize is a relationship, but that takes time... It's difficult at the best of times to "know what is going on", go with the flow, stay alert and keep your eye on the prize. Buena suerte!
