Dating someone your "ideal" type vs. dating someone you find remotely attractive...

Re: Dating someone your "ideal" type vs. dating someone you find remotely attractive.

i dont think i have an ideal but if by ideal you mean like the person who ticks all the boxes i want ticked when dating someone then nope i havent ever dated anyone who does thaqt because no one is perfect.

for me sometimes attraction isnt instant but i have dated girls who i found attractive but i go more on personality and if we 'click'.

the person i was in love with was around maybe a 7 in terms of everything if you have to rate... but i dont like rating really haha, there was attraction there to begin with but i fell in love and everything was a 10 and more.

i think thats what happens when you fall in love everything about them becomes beautiful. idk though.

i dont think you need to be with someone who is your ideal as that puts a lot of the realtionship on looks and looks wont last but whats inside will. just my 2c tho.

 

Re: Dating someone your "ideal" type vs. dating someone you find remotely attractive.

I agree with flyinhernikes, a person who meets your "ideal" probably doesn't exist.

In any case, even coming up with such a criterion to my mind indicates that one is focused on what one wants for oneself, as opposed to focusing on the adventure of discovering someone as they are.

This can be quite fascinating, and love can develop as you discover unexpectedly good things about them, things that don't "show" when you first meet.

 

Re: Dating someone your "ideal" type vs. dating someone you find remotely attractive.

I'm not to the point of dating yet, but while there are a couple things that would generally turn me off and make me LESS likely to date someone, I think I see an "ideal" as something that exists more in my head than in reality. Since I started opening the closet door and peering out at the landscape, I've met several gay or possibly gay guys who I would consider going out on a date with, and they don't seem to fall into any consistent categories. That may change once I'm meeting a larger pool of gay men and actually have people to pick and choose from, and I expect any potential long-term partner will be someone who comes closer to the "ideal" than the rest. But when I think of the friendships I've had over the years, the best ones were often with people who "stretched" me a little out of my comfort zone at first. I'd think dating would be similar, and the "ideal" would actually end up a little boring in the end.

 

Re: Dating someone your "ideal" type vs. dating someone you find remotely attractive.

I wouldn't have picked my partner out of a room of a hundred, or twenty, or probably even four. Certainly not from a physical standpoint, anyway. However, he's very vivacious and a lot of fun, and people tend to laugh a lot around him, and so I probably would've noticed him from THAT standpoint. But as far as catching my eye purely as eye candy - forget it.

I sometimes compare guys to breakfast cereal. I can be attracted by the cereal box, but what's important is what's inside. And since I grew up to really love Wheaties, I learned to like that orange box it came in. And since I grew up to really love my partner, I learned to like that "package" he comes in.

Lex

 

Re: Dating someone your "ideal" type vs. dating someone you find remotely attractive.

I met him playing online video games.

Lex

 

Re: Dating someone your "ideal" type vs. dating someone you find remotely attractive.

Ahhh,this is one of life's biggest questions. Haha..

For me, I've never really dated. However, since I haven't, I've thought a lot about the kinds of guys I'd see myself dating. As I've gotten older, I've opened up a bit more. It's really helped me to see what I can handle.

I have big no no's. Then I have things that I usually don't go for...but can change. For example, I never thought I could handle a smoker but one of my biggest crushes is a smoker. So it just depends.

So I think it's really best to stand up for yourself and have the big must haves in a relationship...and then go from there.

 

Re: Dating someone your "ideal" type vs. dating someone you find remotely attractive.

I'll have to disagree with some people here in that an ideal doesn't necessarily exist... I think it does, but we don't always know what it is... we may think we do. I´ve dated people who I thought aligned to the criteria that I assumed I wanted in a partner only to be disallusioned... greatly. Not that I have a ton of experience dating, but the few people I did date initially really jaded me. Afterwards, I stopped focusing on my "ideal" type and opened myself up to other types of personalities. Here's where I realized that, however hackneyed the old saying is, it rings true: We find what we're looking for when we least expect it.

So moral of the story, in my humble opinion: Rather than focusing on your ideal type vs someone who is remotely attractive, if there's any type of chemistry there, focus on that, focus on the positives, and see where it goes.

As for my boyfriend: In terms of personality, we couldn't be more different... and it's great. We compliment each other beautifully. We were just on vacation together for 10 days and I think I laughed and smiled for 95 percent of that trip. Do I find him attractive? God yes... he's gorgeous. (Not cuz I'm in love, but he is... some really gorgeous straight girl tried taking him from me on vacation. In her defense, she didn't know we were a couple).

In terms of finding someone you're ideally attracted to, this seems like setting yourself up for failure... like I said before, it's looking for someone who you think exists. I never thought I'd fall for someone like my boyfriend, but I can tell you, I'm attracted to him mind, body, and soul. He's what I've been looking for, I just didn't know that I was looking for him.

So, in synthesis: My ideal type turned out to be exactly the opposite of what I originally thought my ideal type was. Does that make sense?