so at work I have only told a select few so people that I am gay. I am very concious about this and what people think about me. There is a lady who is quite homophobic and today I found out that she now knows that i am gay and that she has told others at work this. i am annoyed that she knows as she would have been the last person i would ever have told. But I'm more angry that it is not her right to tell others this, if i want people to know i would tell people. i am really annoyed and do not want to go back to work and be around her and its stressing me out what others are thinking and now how many other people at work know. gossip spreads fast at work. am i over reacting or is it my right to be annoyed. im thinking of speaking to HR department tomorrow.
Let me start with my experience so I can help you relate. I got a job working at a company through a friend. I don't know where this friend got his information from because prior to this, I hadn't told anyone that I was bisexual. He told some people I was gay and that rumor spread like wildfire. It came up a few times in group discussions. I hated it. I never said a word when it came up, I just took it. The ol' "let the mud dry and brush the dirt off routine." Once I got to the point that everyone respected me an no longer cared, there was this one guy who kept saying "Come on out of the closet, Joe." I said to him "Steve, you must be interested because that's the third time you've said that to me. Are you looking for a date?" After that, he didn't say a word. Nobody did, as a matter of fact. Now I'm not saying do what I did, exactly. Your situation may be a little different. He kept saying something to me directly, trying to be funny for everyone else. I confronted him and that was it. If someone confronts you, remind them that your orientation has nothing to do with work. Now - if people are talking behind your back, don't worry about it. One of my favorite quotes is "it's none of your business what other people think about you." Finally, do not take the problem to HR. You'll only create more of a problem for yourself. If it starts to get out of hand and people start bashing you however, you may need to go that route. But do what you can at your level first to squash it. We're big boys and we handle our shit.
I once worked at what one would assume would be a rather homophobic environment - an auto parts warehouse. But when rumors started circulating, I decided to face them head-on. I came out. To everybody. Reason being - once something is out in the open, it ceases being grist for the rumor mill. Nobody whispers "Lex had a roast beef sandwich for lunch" to each other, because that information is open to everybody. And once I came out, that bit of information ceased being valuable too. It doesn't sound like you have much to lose at this point. Being open about your sexuality will cut her off at the knees. Lex
