Nerdphobia

I don't know about the education system in Canada, but I guess these things should be similar everywhere. Here in Croatia, all kids go to primary school together. So there you are in a classroom with those who struggle with the easiest of tasks and there's a whole spectrum of interests among students. Then you go to high school and kids are on average, well, above average. So now you can relate to your classmates better and your interests are more close, but you may still find yourself a little off the class' average. But then you go to college and you suddenly find yourself to, finally, be average, be normal. You get to not pretend to be someone else and you can be as nerdy as you like.
That's what it was like for me. I got to a college that's the epitome of nerdiness here in Croatia and I loved it.

The moral of the story is: you are yourself, so be yourself. Don't hide it; embrace it and enjoy it. There's comfort in conformity, but it's false comfort.

 

I find myself in a similar place, though when I was younger, there were instances where I was on the receiving end of kids telling me that I was gay. At the time I denied it, didn't think much of it other than schoolmates being jerks, and it not being true. Only looking back now am I seeing it differently and making sense of different feelings I had growing up.

I think that I can understand where you are coming from in terms of being nerdy though. I had been teased in school for being geeky, super awkward, and different in that type of way, which bothered me at the time, but now I embrace being geeky. It makes me proud, and it's who I am. I wouldn't ever not want to be a geek. I'm pretty socially isolated as well though. I feel the same fear that I won't be able to find a girl that shares those types of interests with me, so even though I have known for almost 3 years that I'm not straight and don't think I have any interest in guys at all, I keep dating them. I keep ending up forcing myself to date and be with guys that I feel nothing more than friendship for because they're there and I have all my interests in common with them. I'm at a point in my life where I'm coming to terms with how in denial I have been the last couple of years with my sexuality and really want start being myself, and that fear holds me back a lot. I'm in a relationship I shouldn't be in because I don't want to be alone forever and don't think I could find a woman that would want to date me because I'm geeky and awkward (and not much to look at but that's a whole nother issue of mine). It's not fair to him and makes me feel guilty and awful, but part of me still wants to stay with him because he loves me, and I don't know that I'd ever find a woman who would.

But something that actually helped me feel more hopeful on the topic were two vloggers from YouTube that I discovered. I'm a huge fan of Felecia Day, and thus when she started her geek & sundry YouTube channels I was all over it. Anyway, two vloggers on the geek & sundry channel Neil and Becca have a series called "Geeking Out" in which they discuss "queer life in the nerd community" and the second video in their series was actually about dating in the nerd community. But, like I said, I feel that they actually shed some light on the topic and feel hopeful for the future. Here's the link if you're at all interested.

Geeking Out #2: The Trials and Tribulations of Geek Dating