Freshman year of college, I became very close with this girl and she was the kindest, most thoughtful, best friend I ever had. Long story short, due to my own insecurities and painful memories of being hurt by beloved friends in the past, I slowly distanced myself from her so that she would not leave me like others did. After freshman year ended, I basically only saw her 3 more times sophomore year and have not since spoken to her (we're seniors now). I still think about her and miss our friendship everyday. I hate that we ended things on such a sudden note and that I never gave her the explanation she deserved about why I abandoned our relationship. Over the past years, I've seriously considered writing her a long letter from my heart telling her all this so that she would know how I feel. I don't want her to think I don't care or that I pushed her away because of something she did. My question is, should I do it? Should I write her a letter and just be open and honest about why I did what I did and so on? It would make me very vulnerable, which is something I'm not comfortable with. But I'm tired of feeling so much regret and resentment towards myself for ruining the best friendship I had. If you were the "jilted" friend, would you want to hear from the person who pushed you away?
I've been in your shoes before, and yeah it was painful for me as well. I think I became a social recluse for next 6 months after that but I made some new friends. Point is, I think it may be best to let sleeping dogs lie, I mean, what are you hoping to get if you renew your friendship? Friendships come and go and if she hasn't bothered to make any form of contact in the past few years, you know where you stand with her. As time has passed, I don't think about her as much and just have really fond memories of her. I actually bump into her sometimes at parties and I try to minimise the contact as much as possible because I was just in my case too emotionally reliant on her. I guess it depends on the "depth" of your relationship, if you feel like she won't be "wtf is this girl talking to me for?" and will be happy to hear from you then go for it but I personally think you should let go of the past, it sounds like you're holding on very tightly.
Thanks for your reply! It made me feel a lot more at ease; I was thinking about my friend last night, and I was just wracked with regret and sadness about the whole thing. I think you're right that it might be best to "let sleeping dogs lie." You ask what I hoped to get by renewing the friendship...my first intention wasn't really to "renew" the friendship, per se (I'm not hoping to or expecting that we'll hang out and be all buddy-buddy again). What I was really hoping for was just to let her know that I'm sorry, that I still care, and to give her an explanation of why I became distant and aloof when we were so close. I didn't want her looking back on our friendship just to remember that it ended badly or to think that it wasn't meaningful to me, because it was. I know she wouldn't go "wtf is this girl talking to me for?" but I think she would be at least somewhat glad to hear from me. I know I meant a lot to her, too; she took every opportunity to show and tell me how thankful she was to have me as a friend. But, you're right—I am holding on to the past too tightly, as I always do. I guess I just wanted some closure and perhaps to "relieve my guilty conscience" for ruining the best friendship I could ever hope for.
Hey musikk021, You are only 21 as am I. We have our whole lives ahead of us and you know what, even more awesome people are going to come in our lives and become our new best friends and potentially even our partners.This will not be your only "best friendship", there are so many other people that are just strangers to you now, but will one day become your new best friend, yeah it will take time but the effort is worth it. I guess, with this friendship, you can use it as a yardstick to measure all future relationships and what you are looking for in a partner (it is what I do, anyway, lol). Keep your chin up, it will get better. Smile!
Thanks for that! I sure do hope it's true that I'll find some people to keep in my life. I know what you mean about learning from this friendship and using it as a gauge for future ones, but I really wish that this one was not the one that I screwed up to learn from. As I mentioned, I've had a couple other very close friends who have left me unexpectedly and left me scared of getting attached again. I thought I would learn from those and know when I have something great that I should hold on to (i.e., the one with my college friend). But I guess since I can't do anything about it, I just have to let it go. Thanks again for your responses! You've been very helpful!
