Aright, here we go, second rant of the night. I just found out the best friends I have are all hanging out but the people who live in the house where they are don't want any other people over. That's my problem, all the friends I have belong to different close-knit circles of "besties". I have no one who I'm close with. I try to get to know people better, I really do, but you can't force people to be a best friend to you. I feel so lonely, I never get too excited about going out because my night depends on so many factors. I literally have no where to go, no one to talk to... all my friends are out doing their own thing with their best friends. I can't go out, because I'm only 20. Seriously, all we have are bars around here. For those of you who don't live in this damn country I'm insanely jealous, you don't have to put up with this bullshit at my age. I'm so angry and frustrated, I just don't know what to do. Nothing can help, I hate having to accept that I'm just gonna have to wait out the night while everyone else has fun. I feel so unwanted, like no one cares enough about me to really want me around. I give them no reason to feel like that, I'm a decent person and as far as my friends know I'm also a happy person (I don't show them this side of me, they're completely oblivious to it). It's so discouraging, I've been back at school for more than a month and nothing's changed for me, I just have a different version of my miserable home-life. I just hate this so much, I can't say it enough. I just want things to change but I'm starting to realize that it's just gonna be like this for a while unless a fucking miracle happens.
Hey I was in the same situation as you, especially during my first year in college. I went to a different college from my high school friends and I had a grand total of zero friends. My college is rather far from my home and town so my classmates were all from different high schools and certainly there were many who I didn't mix with personality wise. I think I'm a testament that making close friends is possible, coming from an abnormally introverted person (yes I am very shy). But I think as cliche as it sounds, the only way is talk talk and talk to anyone. Anyone sitting by you, anyone in your classes or lectures, and be upfront and somewhat aggressive (but subtle) in developing a friendship. I know that feeling when your friends have their own close knit group. And this is the only way I think a person can combat this situation you have now. I'm 19, but in my country going to bars and drinking is legal (beginning 18). But when I was a minor (and first yr of college in my above situation) I never felt that this law was a barrier to going our and having fun with other people. It's about the people that you meet, and so long as they are nice and you have things in common, you'll find ways and reasons to hang out with each other I don't know your entire situation but if you're in uni/college join societies and clubs. Maybe like minded people with similar interests will be there. But really it seems like anyone at this point is good company for you, so it's just about talking to new people in any way you can, which will make you feel better especially in times like this where your other friends are preoccupied.
That makes 2 of us, I mostly spend my weekends by myself, I've got a "nice" group of friends which whom I used to go out pretty regularly, but as we grow older everyone has sort of taken their own path since we don't see each other everyday as we used to when we were in university, so I've been feeling pretty lonely. I believe I've come to a point in my life where having a significant other is very important, I finally know I'm ready for it and I'm determined to make it happen, that doesn't mean I'm desperate and would take the first chance I get but I'm trying to get myself out there, of course everything would be easier if I were fully out but I don't feel ready for that, even at my 24 yo. Ok, so you are 20, but I don't think your age is the only problem, sure it would be easier to be legal and be able to hit the bars and wtv but you also need to start meeting and hanging with the right people (I know it's easy to say) and ideally get close to some people. You see, through all my school years, I was the guy everybody knew, liked and had fun with but I've come to realize I never established a real connection with anybody that would last on the later years, so even if I'm 24 and can go wherever I want (since I was 18) it doesn't matter cause I've got no one around atm. And I don't mean this to discourage you but in the contrary to get to work on it, even if things look hopeless. God knows I'm working on it myself. Good luck.
Couldn't agree with Diego more, as I am the same age as him and same situation (which I know is different than a college-aged person). A lot of my friends now have long-term relationships and they either are doing couple things are spending more time with their significant other. All I can say is, yes, being gay makes it a little harder to meet people. But keep trying. What I have done is joined the mailing list of some local gay groups and met some of the "officers" out for coffee just to meet some new people and have some new faces/experiences, etc. And for me, this is WAY out of my comfort zone. Yeah, its Friday and I'm lonely and I can go out to bars and such. I don't know...just keep trying to reach out to people and meeting as many people as you can. You'll find a "click" sooner or later, I promise. all the best,
Well, I'm just kind of worried that I'll never make close friends at this point because I'm already in my third year of college. I studied abroad this past year, so all the friends I made during my first year I really grew apart from, and it's been hard reconnecting with them because they're all doing their own thing, and all the friends I made this past year don't live here. Also, the drinking culture determines a lot. All everyone seems to care about is going out to the bars. No ID? Sorry, you're on your own. It's just the way it is here. It really does put a limit on meeting people, at least where I am.
1. A sports group... Intermurals 2. Study Group 3. Part time job, make friends with coworkers 4. Volunteer job 5. Sit down at tables at student union at lunch and strike up convo 6. Run for student council! Even if you don't care about winning it's a great excuse to meet people. 7. Join ten student clubs. Talk to one person from each club. Ten new friends! 8. Join Toastmasters. 9. Look for the loneliest person on campus and invite to coffee. 10. Ask the Dean of the Psychology department for ideas.
