Tonight, I had the fortune of meeting a potential partner. Things just kind of fell into place, I barely had to do anything, which needless to say NEVER happens. Anyway, we went to his place and fooled around for a bit, which was nice. I'm just a little worried because I don't really have feelings for him, and I'm not really attracted to him, but he's so nice and he has a great personality, which in itself is pretty good find. Also, he's been having trouble finding someone, and I've been feeling really lonely and frustrated for a while, so I'm definitely going give him a try but I'm freaking out that I might be making a mistake... I'm probably over-thinking this, but I need something to put my mind at ease. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it work out? Were you glad you went through with it? Any advice would be appreciated. ---------- Post added 5th Oct 2013 at 11:04 PM ---------- Also I know this sounds like a silly thing to be concerned about, especially since I've been complaining so much about life in general but I can't help it, I'm a worrier.
There are people you will have an immediate physical draw or attraction toward, and people that the attraction will grow on you. One of my good friends, call him A, met a guy, "B". They became friends, and A had no attraction whatsoever to B. But B was really sweet and gently and patiently persistent, and A eventually developed strong feelings for A. They were together for 7 years. It ended not out of any animosity or fighting or cheating but just because they were moving in different directions. But it was a very close relationship, and they remain close friends, even though they are no longer partners. It's also worth considering that if you're just coming out, it may not be completely comfortable (unconsciously) to think about being in a relationship, which could easily get in the way of feeling physical attraction; perhaps you feel strong physical attraction to people that are "unavailable" (straight, attached, non-local, whatever it may be) because, again, to unconscious, that's "safe" as it will never happen. So I'd say... go for it. See where it leads. I wouldn't go crazy and think of it at this stage as anything more than something you're exploring, but just be open and take some time with it. Of course, it also helps to be sure that your friend is on the same page; if he's just looking for fun and you're considering the possibility of something more, or vice-versa, then someone's going to get hurt. And I'd also suggest going slowly; deciding to be boyfriends after the 2nd date usually does not bode well to the long-term outlook of a healthy relationship, because it usually indicates one or both are too "clingy" and too much in a hurry. Hope that helps!
I don't think thats a silly question at all! I agree with above, attraction can come about in different ways. If you want to hear my experience... I dated a couple boys and I am much less attracted to boys then I am to girls. But I this didn't mean I didn't fall for each of them. Originally they were interested first and once I got to know there personalities I was very happy and comfortable in the relationship. Well one of them ended because I just didn't feel attracted enough to them to continue the relationship, it doesn't mean I regret the relationship at all (In fact he is one of my close friends now!). All to say I think you should go for it. You never know what will happen but its best to try then regret.
Thanks for the advice. It does make sense what you said about attraction, but I really just don't feel attracted to him at all... I fooled around with this guy who I thought was available, and I was crushing on him really bad. I'm just worried that this new guy wants to be more serious than I feel comfortable with initially, I don't want to hurt him if things don't work out because I know all too well what it's like to feel hurt and I don't want to do that to anybody. ---------- Post added 6th Oct 2013 at 09:22 AM ---------- In other words, he's really not my type at all, but I just don't know, I don't feel like I'm in much of a position to pick and choose. The opportunity just came so strongly my way that it was practically unavoidable, it just seems like a sign.
