Ok... here goes the short and very edited version... My parents split up about 2 and a half years ago after being married for 23 years. They no longer speak and it was all very messy and ended badly. Anyway. My Dad has moved on. He has had a baby with his new partner and they are getting married in a few months. my Mum... was seeing my Dad's partners ex... (if you can keep up with that) but they have now split up and my Mum is having another breakdown and is feeling suicidal. Things can be quite tense between me and my Mum. She hates that I still talk to my Dad and wants me to cut off contact with him. She threw me out of the house over it a few years ago and I now live on my own. Her side of the family hate me. And have said that the world would be a better place without me and say that I haven't shown my Mum any support and that its my fault she is suicidal. My Mum is very shy and always has been and she keeps saying she is lonely. I'm worried that because she is so shy that she won't ever find someone. I can't cope with this much longer and I can't stand watching her like this. ANY suggestions or advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.
Firstly you know it's not your fault right? Do you think she would go with you to a counsellor or something?
Yeah, definitely not your fault. Sounds like your mum may have some mental health issues going on. If she does, than her getting better is bigger than what you can do by yourself- though that's not to say you're useless. She needs to understand you still want/need your dad in your life, but that you do love and care about her. Her relationship with him is not your relationship with him, and that's ok. In the end though, her problems are hers to sort out, shy or otherwise.
Part of me knows its not my fault... but I can't stop feeling guilty for not being able to help her. She is on medication and is going to counselling and she has done for 2 years. I thought she was getting better. But this recent split with her new bf has sent her right back to square one. She wants me to move back in with her. But I know if I do that it won't do me any good... (I also suffer from depression). I wish I could help her :-(. I can't cope with her like this. I also hate how she has gone back to constantly slagging my Dad off again. She keeps trying to convince me that he doesn't care about me. Its just all crap.
Hopefully, although she's gone back to square one, having done the journey before, it won't take her as long to get back where she was. I think you might have to remind yourself that it's more the circumstances/possible illness is talking, more than herself if that makes sense. Look after yourself first and foremost, so if that means not moving in with her, that's ok. You can help her best that way. It's going to take time though.
Lady, I wish I knew how to help. What about asking her counselor where your place should be in that mess? I believe you need to draw lines in the sand and explain to your mom that you care about her, but could do just so much. No moving in, no hating your dad just because she wants you to. Don't let her drag you even deeper into it and don't let her emotionally blackmail you. *hug*
Confidentiality here means that her counsellor can't discuss anything to do with her with me. Which I understand, cause I wouldn't want my counsellor discussing my problems with my family. Part of me wishes they had split up when I was a kid... maybe then I wouldn't be as stuck in the middle... I wish I could just not care and switch off. Life would be so much simpler. By the way... thanks for your responses and support guys. Much appreciated xx
hmm, I didn't mean you to ask the counselor how your mom was. Perhaps ask him/her how you can help? I am not sure if that is possible.
