Struggling academically due to the torrments of coming out! What do I do?

I'm sorry if I'm missing something that was covered in some of your earlier posts, but are you stressing over coming out (because you're not yet) or about being out (because you've already come out)?

Just trying to get clear on the direction you're coming from.

Todd

 

Is there anyone you could come out to in the near future? Just to sort of 'ease the pressure'?

You aren't required to come out at anything other than your own pace, but having even one or a few people who you can be yourself around might help.

Just a thought,

Todd

 

There's no rush to come out. Right now you're a student and that should be your primary focus. If you're not ready to come out then you're not ready to come out, and that's that. This is at YOUR pace, no one else's. There is nothing wrong with taking your time.

 

I had a similar experience in college. I was depressed and even with my well above average IQ (147) I was struggling and failing. I was having issues with being gay.
I ended up talking to my professors about what was going on, getting extra time on things, and one of them even let me talk to her in her office about my life.
Teachers may not know, but they can make accommodations and offer help when something is serious.
Try talking to them...preferably a female professor. My male professor didnt give a d**n and I had to go to the department head who let me switch to a independent study class to complete the requirement.

 

Can't you tell the head of your uni? If you tell them asap, they will mostly likely take it into account when deciding whether they are letting you pass or not. At least that was in my college.

My mistake was telling them about my situation afterwards, but because I didn't tell them earlier they didn't take it into account. That's what the rules were.

 

Sorry youre going through this dude. I went through the same 2 years ago. My last semester of college i started stressing and worrying, which made me confront my sexuality. Stressing has weird effects on the brain. I couldnt focus on school and i ended up coming out to one person. I graduated andthings are better. One of my friends recently dropped out of college halfway through the semester and he had 3 classes left to take... I suspect he is gay as well and was having trouble coping with things. He did drop out about a month after he tried outing me, then asked if i was gay, which i came out to him the next day. Bottom line is we're here for you. Youre situation is very common.

 

yes, as above...

 

I would also suggest that you might want to talk to a counselor at school. While I'm not at school I was feeling the same way about my work. I was able to get everything off my chest talking to a counselor was such a huge release I was able to focus on the things I needed it. Mind you in one session I didn't solve all my problems and confusion, but it was great not to have it all in my head.

 

I would start therapy as soon as possible. I remember that my therapist told me that people felt 50 percent better just after calling. I know it sounds silly...but maybe just knowing you're taking a step can help.

You have to face the music because coming out isn't the only hard part. There's so many more things to deal with. If you can face this, you can face anything.

 

Yep. Processing sexuality that falls out of the heteronormative range can be very stressful in college when hormones are raging ... and when other students don't have that on their plates.

I wish I had an IQ of 147 (sheez), but I don't. It's still pretty good. I did well in the final 2 years but was not up to my normal level of performance in the first 2 years, but I was able to finish with honors. My coping mechanism was to drop a class and pick it up in the summer session. Another coping mechanism was to nap ... a LOT.

Here are some suggestions:
- come out, either directly or in a roundabout way, to someone outside of the college environment if college is a place that's not supportive or you don't feel like doing it there (I was still friends with a guy I messed around with in high school who was not at that college, but had gone to a community college)
- be in a major you like and you feel absorbed by so that can take the brunt of your energy
- take academic loads that are workable for you ... not everyone finishes in 4 years, unless it was well orchestrated and problem free from day one
- find places to study and to decompress that are relaxing to you; also, join activities or clubs that have the same effect
- obtain counseling that is often available in college free of charge - they see motivational issues and mood issues every day of the week and twice on Sundays

With a high level of intelligence, college should be very doable. Even with the high level of intelligence, if someone is struggling with any kind of emotional issue, it can be very tough. BTDT.

 

You're running away from something that doesn't necessarily need to happen right now.

What makes you think next semester things won't be the same?

If you're not ready to come out, then you aren't ready. It doesn't need to interfere with your studies/ sleep / social-life... you've dealt with being closeted all your life. I honestly wish you the best in whatever you choose to do, but before you do take some time off college... take a deep breath, a bubble bath, maybe have a drink... and recollect your thoughts.

I had a similar issue last year when I entered the Industrial Design program... I was bombarded with a TON of projects (because I entered about a week late into the program)
I cried the first night, and had a very lonnngggg shower. I was overwhelmed.

Fortunately, the next day my professor was kind enough to give me an extension and all of a sudden my problems began to fade.

The feeling I felt that night I never wish upon anyone. It sucks to be in that place. Eventually I dropped out of ID (but that's another story )

Hopefully you can sort this out without having to halt your studies. Talk to a counselor/psychologist (if your school offers them). Have someone to talk to, a friend, someone to vent out to when you have bad days.

I wish you the bestest!