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(Rant) Don't know what "group" of friends to stick to...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Pyrenees, Oct 13, 2013.

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  1. Pyrenees

    Pyrenees
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    Hello! This is a rant topic. I apologize-- you guys get a lot of this. But I really just need some support and advice. Not trying to impress anyone or stroke egos here. Apologies if the word "AP" appears a lot. My friends breathe that term.

    Minor Background Info:
    I'm finally a senior in high school! And things are going smoothly too! At this rate, I will make a smooth transition into college. Until the year is over, I have a pretty rigorous schedule to keep me busy. But on the bright side, I have a lot of my friends with me in every single class.


    The problem? My "close" friends treat me like garbage. Throughout the years, my two friends treated me like I was intellectually inferior on the basis that I:
    1. Loved to joke/laugh/play/fool around with friends.
    2. Did not take the same courses as them (why would I need to take AP Bio if I wanted to major in computer networking?)
    3. Put on a front that made it seem as if I was lazy.
    4. Have a habit of double-checking my work.

    There are more stupid and aggravating reasons but I won't list them all. We'd be here all day.
    It just upsets me so much. Everyone is different in how they communicate, work, etc. I may like to talk about hating massive workloads, but that does not give them the right to call me a slacker when I always complete it anyway.
    They'd ask me questions about AP Bio, that I would obviously not know because I don't take the class, and deem me stupid. They would randomly drop conversations with me and start talking about what was going on in AP Bio right in front of me. It's humiliating and disgusting.

    But you know what? I stuck with them because I thought they were my best friends, and that I should be the one who learns how to adapt.
    Throughout 9th-11th, I did not take any AP classes. While they had a LOT throughout the years, I've only had one. Most of my classes were for my technology academy. But I always had honors and managed to keep a very high GPA.
    Now that we are seniors, I decided to show them what I am capable of. We all have the same exact schedule. I know it is a bad choice to take AP Chemistry considering I don't need it, but I really wanted to prove it to them that I am not worthless.
    And I did. I have straight A's, and am acing a majority of the work in that class. It wasn't easy, but I managed to pull it off.

    For my friends... they can't. Everyday they ask me for help on the problems. Everyday they ask me for answers. Everyday they ask me how to do the labs. Everyday they ask me for the homework at the very last minute. But, I still help them because it's the right thing to do and that they are my friends. What REALLY ticks me off is that whenever I ask a simple question, they have the nerve to say, "Wow you don't know? You are so stupid! Go figure it out yourself." And if I'm lucky... they'll show me the first step, in a condescending tone, and applaud me when I tell them that I already know.

    From what you just read, you would probably tell me right off the bat that they are not my real friends... but I know that. But everyday, I still talk to them. It's not fair to me and I know that. A week ago, I started complaining to my other friends. And I realized that these other friends treated me better and saw me for who I truly was. I'm starting to think I hang out with the wrong friends, and I'm really troubled. I can't just abandon people. That's wrong. I like to put aside time to help my friends and always show concern. I always show my 100%. But when your close friends don't do the same... who are your true friends? I feel as if I will be lonely.


    Once again, I apologize if it seems like I am boasting!
     
    #1 Pyrenees, Oct 13, 2013
  2. AKTodd

    AKTodd
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    Hmm. So, this group of 'friends' of yours. From what you've described they belittle you, take advantage of you, and then belittle you some more when you ask them for help, even though you apparently help them at the drop of a hat without (I assume) complaint.

    That's the first thing I notice in your post.

    The second thing I notice is that you don't mention a single thing that these people do for you that would be considered something a friend would do. Nor do you mention anything that you do together that is done for fun, or to enjoy each others company. Now, maybe that's just an oversight on your part, since your focus in the post is the way these people annoy you. But is there really anything you do together in which they treat you better or where you are enjoying each others company?

    Based on just what you've written here, it sounds to me that these people are your friends in the sense that they are not your enemies. But they aren't really your friend friends whose company you enjoy. While dealing with them is going to be good practice for when you get out in the work world and have to deal on friendly (or at least polite/professional) terms with people who you may not otherwise like or who have no interest in knowing you outside of work, I'm not seeing much else here to justify thinking of them as friends or dealing with them beyond the level of co-students in school.

    I see basically two ways of dealing with this situation as you've described it (and bearing in mind that there could be additional info you haven't mentioned yet):

    a) You stop hanging out with or dealing with them and spend that time with your other friends who actually seem to appreciate you and enjoy your company (and whose company you sound like you enjoy more).

    b) You continue associating with your 'friends' in a friendly manner, but with no illusions that they have any real emotional investment in your friendship and largely see you as just a resource to help their grades and maybe someone to chat with from time to time. Presuming that they occasionally are fun to be around and/or that you can see an advantage in continuing to associate with them (lack of drama in school, possible academic help from time to time, etc.), you continue to do so, just with a somewhat different mindset that prevents you from being hurt by their attitudes, because its not really a friend who's throwing the attitude at you.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd
     
    #2 AKTodd, Oct 13, 2013
  3. RainyViolinist

    RainyViolinist
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    Hi! Sorry your friends are acting like complete pricks, I have had a fair share of them. It doesn't sound like you're boasting, on a side note, just stating facts. I myself am taking AP Bio for my premed track :grin:. Anyways, back to the topic at hand, why are you so close with them in the first place? Were they always douchey, or did they slowly develop into that? I can kinda relate to you: Friends ask for help, I gladly oblige, I ask for help, "Are you a dumbass, can't you do anything?"
    I think what you should do if this really bothers you is just confront these "friends" about it and tell them that they're being hypocrites and that you don't care for their condescension. If they don't understand that they're being rude, you should just drop the friendship, even if it hurts, because true friends don't do that crap if you tell them to stop. When my "friends" did that to me, I just drifted apart from them, silently and somewhat slowly. I kinda set up an invisible barrier between me and the offending party/parties without their noticing. I'm more or less just like you, reluctant to end contact with people you have forged a friendship with, but sometimes it can be toxic to yourself to keep a friendship where there's an obvious power imbalance. You have to look out for yourself first before you put others' needs into account. Sorry about the block of text, and I hope this helps :slight_smile:.
     
    #3 RainyViolinist, Oct 13, 2013
  4. Pyrenees

    Pyrenees
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    Ahhh! Thank you so much! That's a great idea. I guess I finally realized the value of our relationship... I'll try not to chase them anymore.
    RainyViolinist, the problem is that I have confronted them before but they told me I was overreacting. But I've decided that the way they treat me is not fair. I'll slowly drift apart like you did and see if they come back for me but as a friend. Not a "costudent."

    Thank you so much guys! All of your advice is valuable. Every single detail.
     
    #4 Pyrenees, Oct 14, 2013
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