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When did things become "better?"

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Hunna, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. Hunna

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    Hello EC! I'm a college freshman and I've recently began coming out. It's been almost a month since I told my first person. Since then, I've told like ten people including my family. However I come from a small town and everyone found out all at once before I was completely comfortable with my own sexuality. This made me scared to come out to people up in college and now I sort of feel like I'm living a double life... AGAIN... It's been a really weird month for me but I'm slowly becoming more and more comfortable. I know this is who I am but it just moved a little too fast for me and it was really out of my control :/ So I'm just waiting for everything to die down. I'd love to hear your personal stories and anything that helped you over come these first rough months. Thanks a ton :smilewave
     
  2. greatwhale

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    Hey Hunna and welcome to EC!

    Well, the cat is out of the bag, and I suspect you know how difficult it can be to herd cats!

    This will take time, so instead of worrying about it, why not have a little fun with the ambiguity?!
     
  3. I came out after my second year of college, just before I transferred to a new school.

    Pretty soon, my whole family new, my high school friends knew, etc. That was all kinda overwhelming for me and I was not prepared to do the whole 'coming out' thing and have all those serious talks with people again after that whole business with all the people I already knew.

    The thing that helped me was just pretending like all the new people I met already knew. I would just talk normally about girls I liked or things I thought that would make it obvious I was gay and most people caught on without even having to ask. Some did ask, but it was so much less uncomfortable when doing this with people I hadn't known as a 'straight' person. Most people were like 'oh, you're a lesbian?' and I was like 'yup' and they were like 'oh that's cool'.

    It's a ton less stressful to go about being out when the important talks are already over. Then you don't have to deal with having all those feelings of 'will this person still like me? how will they react? will they ask me all kinds of things I'm not ready to talk about? do they even like gay people?'. With new people you meet it's like 'okay, if they don't like who I am, then who really cares because they don't know me and I don't care about them yet'.

    But, obviously, everyone has to do what feels most comfortable to them, that's just how I went about 'being out' as opposed to 'coming out'.

    So, this seems like generic advice when I say, do whatever makes you feel the least uncomfortable with yourself and your surroundings and change the way you deal with your out status whenever it no longer suits you, but it's not generic at all--it's just the way everybody has to deal with this in their own way to feel better.

    (*hug*)
     
  4. jvn95

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    Hello and Welcome.

    I am a college freshman as well, I came out close to a year and a half ago, the first few months were very rough. It's stressful isn't it? No need to think it will last forever,

    it WILL come to pass with time and more people you tell. Once it's out there, it's pretty much impossible to get back. The feeling of having no control is normal and true for almost anything you tell someone nowadays.

    Feel free to message me if you need to talk to someone.
     
  5. Hunna

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    Thanks guys. I've always been one to think I have my life all "under control" so this has all been very foreign to me. But I kind of like the idea of not having everything under control and figured out! I'm becoming a "better me" so anyone who doesn't approve of it doesn't really matter to me. So glad I found EC.
     
  6. Californiacoast

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    One of the good things about coming out, is that while stressful, it is also an opportunity to grow and redefine who you are and what you want! If you were stifled by small town gossip, not now! You can wear rainbow tshirts and spread fabulous glitter on people as you walk to class. If that's not your style, then maybe just finding a guy to ask on a date and some great kissing by the lake without caring what others think.

    For me, it was holding hands with a guy at a football game and going duck hunting in Nebraska with my boyfriend.

    Point is, you have the time and opportune to make this special time in life really cool. You are only limited by fear and self doubt. And as you said in another post "fuckem" lol:eek:
     
  7. srslywtf

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    Ive felt very up and down too.. im out to some, not others... and i still doubt my certainty as everything developed so quickly... all i can say is i feel better than i did before i came out, and my uncertainty has faded mosty, only rarely comng up... i think itll go eventually.