Hey everyone! So i will basically give you the shortnened version of my awful HOCD that thankfully only lasted about 5 months. It started when a random thought popped in my head of me getting really close to my best friend's face. I then freaked out thinking, "what was going to happen there? was I going to kiss her? am I gay??" That continued until a couple weeks ago after starting to be medicated. I am a fourteen year old girl who has never questioned herself before, and has always been attracted to men. Now, on to this trans thing. Because I have gotten over my HOCD, my brain found something else to worry about: "am I transgender?" I was a tom boy when I was younger and would like boy's clothing, but preferred to wear girl's clothes instead. I would play silly kid games and always choose the boy character, but I am pretty sure it was just because I thought they looked nicer. Now, everytime I look at an attractive boy, I can't think anything besides "do I like him, or do I want to BE him?" I find this incredibly annoying and it causes me really great anxiety. I cannot even picture myself as a boy, nor have I ever done so before. I freak out when i notice i am doing something a boy would do like sit with their legs open and silly stuff like that. I dont feel like a boy, and I don't want to be a boy. So, basically, my question is, does this sound like denial of being trans, or my OCD?
Given that you have OCD (Have you been diagnosed formally?), it wouldn't be out of the question for your worries to be a result of that. Do you have a therapist that you could talk to? As for your question... I think you answered your question yourself, at least to an extent. Anything's possible, but for now, it may be best to allay your fears and see that no matter what you think, you're still you, and you're still going to have an awesome life. =]
I have no idea how OCD can affect someone, but nonetheless I think you shouldn't worry too much about the trans thing. I used to prefer female roles when I was a kid, even at your age, and early this year I was thinking that maybe I want to be a woman, and so far it turns out I don't want to. Even straight people have such insecurities, especially during adolescence. What I am trying to say is that you shouldn't panic because you have second thoughts on your sexuality(abiut kissing your friend) and gender identity(about being trans). Maybe OCD will make you think obsessively again and again about it ( I don't know if that's how it works, I just guess), but the fact that it's been crossing your mind isn't uncommon.
