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Help,I MESSED UP A LOT.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Pamel, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. Pamel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hello,

    I'm not sure anyone went through this and honestly i don't know what to do.

    I'm lesbian, and have a gf. I came out to my family couple of years ago. My gf did not.
    A bit ago our relationship took huge slide down, because of our families, society..etc. Her parents wouldn't accept it if they would discover. We are together around 7 years. We want a family we want a happy life and we want to settle down.We both are over 25.. But she wasn't sure anymore how much longer we can hide it, or if it was better to stop it all.


    My family didn't accept me being lesbian much eather, and every time i talk to them they say I must find a boy, it's a shame, I will have no job and no future.

    So, I did something i regret with all my heart.
    I dated a guy, he looked cute and gentle, a nice guy. I tried my best to fall in love with him. But i was forcing myself. In the end I couldn't bear it, It was too disgusting, too wrong to be with a guy, to be touched by one in that way.I broke all contacts with the guy in the end, cousing him pain. But i just wanted my family to be happy.

    My family is blaming my gf because I broke up with him. My gf doesnt know. And I feel I need some mental medicines now, because I can't get over it for months now, nor I want to live cuz I feel so dirty, so disgusting.
    I messed up a lot, and can't stop blaming self.
     
  2. greatwhale

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi Pamel, and welcome to EC!

    You can't be guilty for giving in to so much pressure, first your GF telling you that she isn't sure she can go on, and then your family...May I suggest that you need to forgive yourself? The past is just that, it doesn't exist anymore it can't be changed, all you can do is avoid doing this ever again.

    Is there any way you can leave your situation? Go someplace where you both can be free of all the pressure?