I am so depressed all the time because of all of this figuring out my orientation. I can't accept myself, and I certainly can't tell anyone. I know people say things will get better, but how? My mind is flooded with terrible things. I have no friends. I don't want to talk to my parents. I have no one to talk to. So I turn here. Does God hate me? How do I even tell people? Should I even tell people? I feel so alone. Please help me I'm in need of any answers, encouragement, or things I should know? Thank you. I'm sorry about the stupid post.
It isn't a stupid post. It's okay to be lost right now. Things will get better, but it's something that you have to be patient with. Instead of taking one big leap into everything, take baby steps. The first step is going to have to be accepting yourself, which is arguably the hardest. Something to keep you going is the idea that actually being out of the closet may end up being easier than the accepting part. I'm also going to admit to you that I'm not a religious person at all. However, the one thing that I have learned about religion is that, like sexuality, everyone experiences "god" in their own very personal way. The bible is a great guide for certain things, but you also need to keep in mind that it was written in a very different world by human beings. God let the world evolve to the point to where certain parts of the holy book are obsolete. So while the general message of the bible is a great one to follow, in the end, the feelings that God instills in you are going to be the ones that are lasting and filled with much more truth. The way I got through the figuring out portion of my life was by slowly letting out those pent up emotions that plagued me. Let yourself look at girls. Maybe not in real life just yet, but maybe online. Look at them and let yourself feel those feelings. It may take quite a few times, but eventually, that guilt that comes with the emotions will begin to fall off like leaves on a tree in fall. Soon, it won't be tainted by guilt and shame, rather you will feel pure joy. Another good thing to do is try to find as many coming out stories as you can. Go on Youtube, search the forums, even just talk to a gay person. Finding out how unalone you are can be a really big help. With time, homosexuality will no longer be a terrible secret, but simply another part of you. As of now, just focus on getting comfortable in your own skin. You aren't ready to come out, and I never suggest coming out prematurely. After you get more comfortable, then you can start on the path of sharing yourself with the rest of the world.
Thank you so much. I will take your advice and try my best to use it. I am just going through alot right now.
You can feel free to message someone like me or one of the advisors if you have any questions. I'm always ready to listen even if you just need to blow off steam. Don't worry, this feeling isn't forever.
