Hey i want to say that i go to a homophobic school and i am the only guy who is out, there might be more kids who are but i dout that. Iv been out for about 3 years now and iv always been alone. I feel so sad and depressed i feel like no one understands me, or the pain i feel. I just want to get this off my chest because iv been feeling really sad a lot this last week. I feel like no one in my school likes me and dont want me here. I use to get bullied for being gay and autisic. It really hurt and even tho its stopped i still feel hurt by it and i dont know why. Only one other person has came out while i was in this school of mine, but he was a secener and it was 8 days before school ended. For somerions i was really mad about this and i dont really know why. If anyone can guess why please tell me because it still confuses me. Also everytime i see girlfriends and boyfriends holding hands in the halls i feel really sad and i feel like ill never have something like that it really hurts and i know im not the only person who feels this way there are other single kids in my school who feel this way to but they at list can get a boyfriend or a girlfriend i cant. Im really sorry for typing so much its just i cant get this stuff off my chest anywhere else please dont be mad. I dont have any friends in this school that i go to at all and it makes me feel even worse. I use to cut my thums to relive the pain and it would work i would feel the phyiscal pain and for a while the emoctial pain would go away but then it would come back when i wake up and now it dsoe to but im not gonna start cutting myself again that was something really dume for me to do. I also hate the town i live in because i think im the only gay guy in my town as well as my school and that hurts a lot. Im so so so so so sorry if this is way to long i really am i just wanted to get some stuff off my chest thank you all for reading and if you want to comminting. (&&&)
I get the impression from the thread that you are leaving school. Where are you going? I sometimes feel a bit sad when I see boyfriends and girlfriends together. However from what I've been told you shouldn't think about relationships as such. You should think about making friends at where ever your going next. Because relationships will evolve from friendship. Instead of think "I wish I had a relationship" try thinking "I wish I had friends and maybe then I might get a relationship". Step by step. Also I got help when I came to uni this year. You should as well it will help you deal with things like self harm.
Firstly, don't apologize for ranting here at EC. That's one of the things this place is for. Secondly, it's amazing that you've been out for 3 years already. Odds are 99.99% that others in your school and town are gay, but they either aren't out or you just don't know about it. I'd suggest you keep your eye on the future, since you'll probably be out of high school soon. Don't worry about relationships - just focus on you and what you are planning on after you graduate. Are you gonna try to leave your town? There is a much better world out there with so much more possibilities than high school life in your hometown.
Okay thank you for the help. And i have one year left in school and im feeling better every day. I so wish i could move from this school it really sucks but oh well i guess i cant. but thank you so much. ---------- Post added 25th Oct 2013 at 07:48 AM ---------- Thank you olides84. I apreast the help. And i guess i kinda guessed that there would be more and it is really possibal i have not heard because i dont really lisen to gossip around here. And yes i am going to move out the instence I have gragwated from high school. and i kinda am thinking about the futuer because i have been putting a lot of the money i earn form my birthday and mowing peoples lawns into my savings account hopefully that well help me out in the not so distence futuer.
Well, I didn't know anyone in my school gay to the day I left at 18.. So that was crap given there were 900 kids there. So yes it stinks but you'll survive!! If bullying and being left out of things is a problem maybe you can go on some special activities/ school clubs etcetc to make new friends and break up the loneliness? In fact you only need to latch on to ONE new person and that would make a huge difference!!!
