everything that comes out of one of my friends mouths is a lie to give off a greater bravado than ever, looking back hes rarely if ever shared with me the truth, I understand he's not lying to hurt me instead lying to avoid having to open up, but sadly his ex is willing to open up and it has got back to me some things that are not true... if you was in my position would you just go along with the lies and let him lie or tell him you know so he can express the truth for a change? i'm in two minds
I recently had to deal with a situation a bit like this. I went through a hell of a time and had massive relationship troubles. My so-called 'best friend' was there to support me, or so I thought. But, as is often the case with lies, the web becomes too complex. I discovered that not only had his lies damaged my relationship, but that he also had the audacity to hit on the girl I had recently split up with. I also discovered that he had basically lied to me about everything he said or claimed. I was gutted...why would you do that to a friend? In my case I confronted him directly about it. I told him all the facts and what I knew. I also said that I wouldn't be in contact for a while and that now things were different between us. He had lost my trust. The veil of time has done some interesting things to me in the interim period. In that time, I realised the positive aspects of his friendship that I missed. I also learnt a great deal about forgiveness. More than anything, I realised that above my hurt feelings...why would someone feel the need to tell so many lies just to keep their own ego inflated? Right? That's when I realised, that in all honesty, he was very weak and probably needed a friend. At this current point in time, I am back in contact with him - but not like before. I'm taking it step by step and moving forwards only on my own terms. I also started calling him out on his little porkies. It's incredibly boring to hear bragging when you know it's not true. Maybe it's the same for you, maybe not. What I will say though is that you should keep your wits about you and protect yourself. If he lies about that, what else will he bend the truth for? Ultimately, though, I think it's a sign of a deeply insecure person who really needs social validation to feel any worth at all. Also - welcome to EC ^_^
Thank you, although I would say I'm a regular reader just not a regular poster! For once I'm relieved to be here not because I'm confused or upset but instead because I want to be a better person. I don't want him to feel like he has to lie to me but surely the fact he is quite a weak and insecure person would probably just lead to awkwardness and ultimately a hard time for him if he did feel awkward. I just want him to know I don't mind what the truth is I just want to be a good friend.
Well how about that? That's exactly why I'm here too You response actually reminded me of another point. Which is...whilst this porkie teller is lucky to have a friend like you who can see through it and still like him, with my friend, his lying habit earnt him a very bad reputation amongst less patient peeps. It's ironic. He lies to get social validation, and because he lies, no one wants to give him social anything. When I first met him, he said, 'Stick with me, you'll have any girl you want.' A year later he's literally crying on my shoulder and wondering why no girl wanted to talk to him. Poor sod. If you have the time or inclination, I'd be interested if you would post back and keep us updated here. I have a feeling that I'll probably learn a thing or three from you which is relevant to my situation Of course - no pressure. Just if you can be bothered. I think the very recognition that balance is important already puts you in a position to be able to find it As for the rest, I suppose it's experience and sharing knowledge.
I will let you know if anything happens but I doubt it will for a while now as I would feel pretty mean just coming out of the blue with some of the things I know - they wouldn't really be relevant unless he asked if I trusted him or something, I've added the page to my favorites though so I can find it easily again and I will let you know what happens! Thank you for replying, you seem very knowledgeable:icon_bigg
Hello, Back already. After sleeping on it I have decided to not say anything. If we were true friends he would come to me with his problems and not have them forced out of him. I do question our friendship but oh well... I have lots of other really good friends, sorry it hasn't gone anywhere!
I know you already made a decision but...I'm going to still answer anyway: I've never been good with people who lie personally. Actually, I have severe trust issues and would probably flip out depending on what they are. But...I think if you can calmly admit to knowing them, you might be able to help him admit it. Though it depends on him too, and why he feels a need to push his bravado through lying... But personally, I think just going along with the lies isn't going to help him any. If he keeps lying to the people around him, it means he has to bottle everything up right? But bottling things up is bad for one's mental health, and if he puts too much stress on himself it'll affect his body too...So, I think trying to admit you know he's lying and remind him you care and don't want him to go through things alone might help. Just make sure you remind him you care and you worry for him. If nothing else, at least you've given him a chance to be honest, and he'll be reminded there are others that want to be there for him, right? Still, you've made your decision, and that's a good thing. Just do your best to be there for him the best you can then. He does likely have his reasons. Just don't forget to be careful and watch your own feelings in it too. If you let the stress build up on you too, you might just blow like I usually do. I hope your friend opens up for real someday :3
