Okay. Lately (this past year or so) I've been a bit mopey, whiny. Depressed is a word people could use, but I don't necessarily think so. One of my friends is constantly telling me to just lighten up, cheer up, put that stuff behind me, and he keeps bringing up the precedent that he did it so I can too! Anyway last night I learned just what stuff he put behind being he was bullied to the point he had no friends in primary school, his best friend died, he attempted suicide multiple times and he has bi-polar. Now.....okay when I say I'm sad. In that again I'm mopey. I've cried. I cut myself. I write down my thoughts and they are just full of self patronizing insults to myself when I read them back. I might possibly have the starting stages of an eating disorder. And if you took everyone's hate of me and combined it, then it's only half of how much I hate myself. Yet what are my problems? Well again I think of myself as a pathetic human being. At one stage my parents were getting a divorce, and it was vicious and loud, and even now they're relationship is very rocky. My mum puts pressure of me to get Straight A's, and when I don't she gets annoyed and I feel like shit. I'm lonely. But what problems are these? This is just petty bullshit. My friend had to deal with bullying. Meanwhile I never got bullied. My friends have never died. And I've barely even attempted suicide (literally maybe one or two, of the pussiest piss poor excuses for a suicide attempt ever). Seriously I am just full of shit! What right do I have to bitch and moan. Is my friend right? Going to be honest don't know why I feel this way. Should I feel this way (either way I just found the title of the thread). What should I do. How do I lighten up? Am I being as pathetic as I think because nothing real has happened to me. Upon glancing readback it just seems like me rambling and whinging, and I'm sorry. But just.....gah! What do I do?
If you feel like crap you feel like crap. Sometimes depression can be a chemical thing. Yes your friend had a really rough time but that doesn't mean you haven't as well. Your not pathetic, your feeling never make you pathetic. I'm sorry you feel bad. If you feel depressed try and get help. It can help a lot.
Everyone reacts to different stressors differently, Oxelotl. Don't call the things that bother you petty. A rocky family situation and and pressure? That's something that many people deal with, but those many people deal with it in different ways. Feeling depressed or down or anything...It's not something you 'should' feel. You just 'do'. We can't always control our emotions. What we do control is how we react to them. And what you're doing now by telling us that your concerned about your emotions and your reactions is a great start! I think the first thing you might want to do is work on building a support for yourself. A therapist might be a great start, or at least a close friend you can talk to about even the simple things that tend to get you down. But also look at yourself from an outside point of view...Do you know if mental illness happens to run in your family at all? I honestly mean no offense in asking this, but I'm being honest: if your family has some sort of mental health history, you might want to talk to a psychiatrist to at least get an evaluation. Mental illness is a serious thing and is often genetic...You might need some medicine to help you if your chemical imbalance is too severe. On the other hand, also look at your medical history. If you're the type who gets sick a lot, you're more likely to get depressed more often, too. Cabin fever is real! Finally...Look at what your triggers are. You said you cut, right? Do you know what happens before you cut that makes you feel down? Try looking at what you are feeling at that moment, or what your thoughts are. Our thoughts often indicate our feelings and our actions. It might help you start to understand your thoughts and how you react to them if you try to analyze them. If you can learn how it currently is, it'll be easier to fix. Of course, the most important thing is still the support system. Do you have a guidance counselor at school? They might be a good person to turn to for help on where to start. The nurse is sometimes a safe place to start too. Some schools have special group therapy things for students in certain situations, such as separation/divorce and other types of family issues. And of course, therapy is always a good way to get outside help. Of course, what I'm saying is a mix of personal experience and what I've been told over the years. I've been in the mental health community since I was 7, starting with therapy due to family issues and eventually going into a psychiatric route because of family history. I'll be honest, I'm diagnosed with a mood disorder, generalized anxiety and I even have a personality disorder. I'm on a few meds, and they do help a bit. I can actually feel the difference. Sometimes, little changes can make a big difference. But don't forget, we're all here for you too! I'm really proud of you for coming out and telling us how you're feeling and asking for help. Asking for help is always really hard. I wish I could give you a giant friendly hug, but you'll just have to pretend I'm patting your back from afar, 'kay? Best of luck!
