I don't know what being in love is like because I've never been in a relationship that's why I'm not sure that what I'm feeling is love or not. It could be infatuation or a crush, I don't know. I didn't even notice falling for her, it only hit me recently how strong my feelings are and they scare me. She could never feel the same which makes the situation even worse. We met on the internet on an LGBT forum a few months ago and have been sending emails to each other since then. She is much older than I am so nothing could come of it, ever, even if she felt the same but she doesn't. Anyway, we've met in person a few times but I think I started to feel something for her even before the first meeting but I wasn't feeling jealous back then but I definitely do now. I'm jealous of her family and friends because they get to be around her and they know her, I'm jealous of her colleagues, neighbours & anyone who sees her on a regular basis. I'm even jealous of people she sits next to on the bus or anyone she walks past on the street. I think of her a lot. Like every 5 minutes unless I'm consciously making an effort not to think about her. Playing sudoku helps but not much else. You could say it's lust I'm feeling, I'm sure there is that too because I want to kiss her, etc. but it's more than that. I want her but I want her to want me too. But it's not just physical, I want to love her and be there for her and listen to anything she has to say. I want to make her happy and if she's having a bad day I want to take her mind off of it and her problems. I feel so many emotions when I think about her. Could it be just an obsession, a crush that is going to disappear once I don't hear from her for a while? For some reason I'm not sure it's going to be that easy. Whatever it is it's physically painful to go days without seeing her and hearing from her. I haven't seen her for a week and a half and I'm going mad. I miss her so much. I'm also jealous of anyone who gets to see her and that she decides to spend her time with.
