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Dealing with death?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Sitri, Oct 30, 2013.

  1. Sitri

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    A few days ago my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I knew she wasn't going to last longer than 6 months, but I expected her to see November. Now it looks like that won't happen. The only deaths I have experienced were my cat when I was 4 (who was frankly not a very nice cat) and my other grandmother when I was 11, but I almost never saw her because she lived in Florida and we couldn't afford plane tickets to see her so I wasn't very close. I feel like there is a hole in my chest and I don't know how to cope, and she isn't even dead yet!
     
  2. Argentwing

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    (*hug*) That's all you can do. Keep close to people you love, and try to carry on. It's okay to miss her, but I can't imagine having lung cancer. Even if she pulls through, it must be a horrific ordeal. If she does die, take solace in the fact that she's not suffering anymore.

    You may not want to hear it, but at least one account from a neurologist suggests that retaining consciousness, aka "life after death" is very possible. So she could very well be in a better place.
     
  3. LuckyDalek

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    I am sorry to hear this. I hope the best for you and your grandmother. The reason you have this 'hole' is because you are already grieving. You are in a place of loss, but what makes it worse is that is only the first part. One can grieve over any loss, not just death. Grieving is needed to heal. Express how you feel... cry, write, get angry, talk... know that there are people there for you. Stay safe, grieve, heal and become the person you are meant to be. *this is from personal experience and it helped me. I hope this tidbit of advice can help you*
     
  4. Jaffacake

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    Find someone to talk to, get your feelings out in some kind of healthy way- like in the post above. Enjoy spending time with your grandmother and know that whatever happens she will have had a great life. Death is hard to deal with but time is the best healer, and in a few months or years it might still hurt but it won't be so bad... You might surprise yourself by being stronger than you think you are, sending all my best wishes. (*hug*)
     
  5. photoguy93

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    No one can tell you what to do. I lost grandparents/relatives when I was younger, then went through a lot of "what's happening?" Moments with my grandfather until his passing after a 4 year illness.

    I can't tell you exactly what I did, because I don't even know. I spoke at his funeral. My mom is always surprised at that and can never understand how I did it. That did help a bit, but I had to find my way. Yeah, I did take time to process it...but it's a step at a time kind of thing. I'm sorry that you're going through this, because it is horrible. Try and think of what she would want, and how you can make the most of these days.
     
  6. Sitri

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    Well, she's gone. She passed away last night. It's funny, the last time I spoke with her at my cousin's wedding in september, she saidsomething about life being a repeating pattern of weddings and funerals. And I said I hope not because then I'm overdue for a funeral. It's been weird today, 75% of the time I felt like somebody had scooped every organ out of my torso with a wooden spoon that left splinters everywhere. But the rest of the time I felt like nothing happened. Is this normal?
     
  7. Argentwing

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    That sounds pretty normal. Sorry that your time with her was cut short :frowning2: But imagine if she had just moved far away and you had no contact with her. I think she might want you to feel relieved that she is at peace, and that she still loves you.
     
  8. apostrophied

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    My condolences to you and your family. Death is always tough. Hold on tight.