I've made several posts like this already. If it's annoying tell me and I will stop. Well, everything is going downhill and fast. I feel worse than I have ever felt before and I feel like I can take my life very easily, I just haven't already because I don't know how to do it. I just want to die and be done with life. I haven't gone to school for a week for several reasons. I imagine myself lying in a pool of blood very often and I feel it is what should be there. You're all going to tell me things like 'it's gonna get better' or 'that life is not that bad' or 'I should not die' but I just don't believe it. I can't believe it and nothing anyone can say or do will help. I wish I was straight. Hands down, being gay is horrid. It is the worst when you're attracted to someone who won't like you back. I'm sure being straight would solve 98% of my issues. I found out a week ago that the guy I had a mega crush on has a girlfriend and is actually a father-to-be. Though things have been going to hell even before that, that sped it up much faster. What's the point in living now if you can't fall in love? I'm so introverted that people don't talk to me. All the guys I like are straight or unavailable and even the guys I'm not into aren't into me. Guys who are gay and attractive to me wouldn't be attracted to me because I'm not attractive at all and I am not gifted in the penis department. I'm average and no one wants average. That saying that 'there is someone for everyone' is a load of crap. I know I'm young to be saying that but it's likely that I will never fall in love even if I tried. I just know it. I fail at a lot of what I do (in my mind, I hope) and my school attendance is very poor. I know that I won't be successful in life and I will have a tough time surviving. Every time I came home from school I would be depressed like you wouldn't believe and it would be so bad now that I couldn't eat. Now, it's so bad that I can't eat much, I can't talk to anyone and I don't want to get up in the morning. I literally lay in bed all day and sleep or at least try to, and when I try to I can't stop thinking about how much I should die. There is nothing anyone can say to make me feel better. What's wrong with me? I hate being alive. I have a comfortable life, sure, but my situation makes it not matter. I would give anything to be straight and to not be jealous of other couples. I would probably even give my life and restart all over again. I need to vent and I need advice. My life and everything I think of is horrible. I haven't thought one good thought for at least a week. It actually physically hurts, my body aches and I feel random sores in some places because of it.
I hear you Aptiva. Being a teenager can be a horrible time for anyone and even more so when you're different. But guess what...high school ends, people mature, life really does get better. I have a close relative who committed suicide. He left a trail of devastation for the people he loved and they will never fully heal. It's not the answer and I think you know that. I don't know you, but I can see you have some great things going for you just from your post. You can write well, you are building a thick skin, and the adversity you're facing as a teenager will make you a stronger adult. Love can't be forced, but it happens all the time and it will happen for you. Maybe not tomorrow or in the next month or the next year, but it will happen. And that spark will happen before anyone knows the size of your gear (anyone with loving won't care anyway). If you have supportive friends or family you can talk to about your feelings, do it! It will make you feel better. If you need someone to talk to anonymously, I looked up some resources for you in Calgary: Distress Centre 403.266.HELP (4357) Calgary Outlink 403.234.8973 And keep posting here. This place is full of good people who know what you're going through.
It's hard to add anything to spaceman's post. This is just a big +1 to his advice. There's a saying, 'school days are the best of your life.' Total and utter nonsense. School is harrowing for many straight kids too. Life really did get a lot better for me later in life. Also, being straight does not equal = free pass to love. Do you know how gutting it is to fall head over heels in love with a girl, only to find out she's engaged? Well...yes, you do. Because you've been in the same situation. Be what you are is what I'm saying. Don't be envious, because that will eat you away and leave you with truly nothing. Don't agree with me? No problem At least listen to Spaceman, OK?
I cannot add much more than the above posters other than: 1) you are seeing the world in a 'snapshot' at 16 .. And yet there are decades of positive life an opportunities ahead of you.. Don't lose sight of the bigger picture 2) you risk messing up your grades/ exams and you would find it such a pisser to have to re-take when you are 18 or 25. Try and be the 25 year old you and let the 25 year old talk you/ kick you, explain to you 3) in the mix is depression. This is not for trying to handle alone so speak to a counsellor, see your doctor 4) some of the issues you mention can frankly be put on the back burner for a year or two. They do not have to be resolved yesterday 5) don't worry about multiple posts here. They are all welcome and useful to us and others Hug
That doesn't matter. Less than 2% of the population is gay. You straighties have many, many, many more options that you'd like. I have to go on next to nothing. It's useless to even fall in love. In the gay community only the hottest and the sexiest guys find love. I just don't feel like it will ever happen to me. As much as I want to be, I cannot see myself as a desirable person for anyone.
It's not true that the gay community only the hottest guys find love. I work in NYC and I see gay couples everyday and there are more regular couples out there than you would think. It sounds like you are a very thoughtful person and have a lot going for you. I would suggest you go see your doctor. Depression is not the way you are suppose to live your life. They can help you sort it all out then you might have a different outlook. Some people are scarred about medication but I know a few people who it has helped greatly to get out of the funk they were in. Try to engage yourself in something, being idle only breeds more througts of loneliness. This may help you see the world a little differently. ((Hug))
Ok, various thoughts here. First, most estimates I've seen say that the LGBT people make up between 5 and 10 percent of the total population, not 2%. The only people I hear using that kind of number are usually those on the right who don't like us and want to minimize our rights. Where are you getting that number from? Second, just because you're straight doesn't mean you will automatically find love or have love returned with any and every person you might like. As some of the straight people here have pointed out and as I've observed over years of having lots of straight friends. Third, beauty is in the eye of the beholder - There are lots of 'average looking' gay guys out there and a lot of them are in relationships. They presumably find their boyfriend quite attractive and vice-versa. That there is a multi-billion dollar industry that tries to tell you what 'attractive' means as a statement of 'fact' means nothing. Someone that you find attractive may not be attractive to me and vice versa. Give yourself time and put yourself out there and eventually you will meet someone who you really like and who likes you back. Fourth, ok, so you have an 'average' size penis. You and most of the rest of the guys on the planet - that's why it's called 'average'. As far as only hung guys getting any love: I've been with guys of various sizes, from maybe 3 inches (not sure what that is in metric) to over 8 inches. At the end of the day the main thing I've learned is that while a big guy may be more visually impressive the first time or three, it is much more about what you do with what you have then how much you've got between your legs. A guy who is really hung but who doesn't know how to use it, or worse doesn't care to learn or whether or not his partner is having a good time, is going to find himself alone pretty fast. Because for most guys the visually impressive bit is going to lose it's luster pretty fast. I'll take a guy with a smaller than average dick who can make me groan and writhe and cum so hard my eyes cross over a guy who's hung like a donkey, but has no skills or doesn't care, every time. And before you say you don't have those skills yet, I'll tell you that no one is born with them. You learn them over time and by paying attention to what makes your partner feel good and by caring enough about other people to want to make them feel good when you're having sex with them. Fifth - If you want to do well in school and life, you can. But it's going to take some work and effort on your part. Get up out of bed and make yourself go to school. Maybe look into any resources (tutors, after school programs, etc.) that might help you. Maybe be tested if you have ADHD or something. I can tell you I'm also an introvert - but I've spent half my career being paid to get up in front of groups of people and talk to them for weeks at a time (corporate trainer for about 10 yrs). The first few days are very draining but after that I kind of get into it and away we go. I liked it when I did it, but it also took work. Finally, like others here, I'd strongly suggest you find a counselor or someone to talk to. It sounds like you are experiencing depression and that is coloring everything else you are thinking or perceiving. If you can get the depression beat, everything else can start looking a whole lot better. Hope this helps, (*hug*) Todd
I'll save a long post because so much good advice has already been given! But here's my two cents, as someone who was once where you are (I'm 20 now, so not big of a gap): Being straight does not equal happiness. You must understand that at once. If you were straight, I'm sure there'd be another issue consuming your soul the way that you being gay appears to be right now. Don't think all of this "being straight would solve all of my issues" nonsense, because it's not true. I used to say similar things to my friends I felt comfortable enough talking about my worries to, and they would correctly inform me "there are tons of straight couples who can't have kids", or "my 50 year old aunty is straight and she never got married, she never found that person." The grass is always greener on the other side, my friend. You are who you are, and you will always be that person. I wouldn't say try and accept it because I know it doesn't work that way, but just live your life and stop obsessing over it. Looking back, I invested far too much energy mulling over my sexuality. Now I'm gay and I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way. I have no desire to be straight anymore. If I was, I wouldn't be me. And I loooove me. Also, I know you said you don't believe it when people say it will all get better in time, but... it really will.
Well...How can I prevent myself from falling in love with anyone in the future? I know that if I was straight I would still have issues but I believe that not being gay would remove a big chunk of my issues. I obviously see that falling in love is useless and only ends in heartbreak so there's no point and I should probably avoid it. I already abandoned a lot of my friends and I'm still working on getting rid of the rest because I'm too scared of falling in love with anymore of them. The day they find a way to change sexual orientation will be the day I turn straight. I'm sorry, but none of this is helping me. :tears: I'm not trying to be spiteful either.
"The day they find a way to change sexual orientation will be the day I turn straight" What a sad conclusion.
I don't know where I got the 2% from but I remember seeing it somewhere a long time ago. 5-10% is still really small. I know, but that isn't the only part of it. At least there are more options out there for you and you won't be viewed as 'weird' or as a social outcast, which I already am without being gay. Then there isn't going to be many people out there who are going to be into me. I highly, highly doubt that there will be someone I like that likes me back. That just won't happen. EDIT: I just measured up and it turns out that I'm above the average adult size, but not by a lot. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to be insecure about it anymore though. The reason I'm concerned with penis size is because I'm very insecure about it. I am rarely, if ever horny because of it. Everyone wants a big penis and I cannot supply that. Also because of it, I have no sexual drive. I might feel attraction but I almost never feel sexual attraction and that's all because of insecurity. I just know it is. So this means that sex is probably going to be non-existent in a relationship, if I ever do get into one. So I'm not concerned with skills, but body image issues are huge for me. I try to do well in school and I generally do, but I'm in all the easy courses in High School...Nothing impressive or to brag about. With my courses I'll have to get extremely high grades in school, which I can't get, even if I practice and go for help. There is nothing out there that I want to do for my life career that doesn't require a degree or masters or whatever. Life is likely going to be hell for me. I don't see much point in even continuing. And also, as I said in the original post because my depression has gotten so bad I literally cannot get up for school in the morning or even talk to anyone in person. I also can't eat very much either because I don't have an appetite. I don't know if there's anywhere else for me to turn because I can't afford a councillor and even though my school is Catholic and openly supports gay rights and stuff like that, I just don't feel I can talk to a councillor. Plus I'd have to trust them at a level I don't trust anyone right now. I don't even feel comfortable talking to my parents about it. EDIT: I'm starting to think that I may have clinical depression as my mother has it as well and it's genetic. ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2013 at 06:59 PM ---------- I know, it might sound unfortunate and dumb but I really cannot stand being gay and being considered weird or stupid.
To begin with, it is believed that 2-10% of the population is homosexual. While it significantly lowers the dating pool, it doesn't mean you'll never find someone compatible. Also, physical attraction is ALL about perception. Your 1 may be somebody else's 10 and while you don't think you're anything worth looking at, there probably someone who will disagree with you. Those who get the popular vote of "hottest and sexiest" may have an easier time finding a mate but it doesn't mean their relationships are completely healthy, especially if they're basing their choice of mates solely on looks. I know you feel as though you'll never find anyone and I know it sucks being alone. But you're so young and you'll be throwing away so much potential in life if you end your life.
I know you feel as though you'll never find anyone and I know it sucks being alone. But you're so young and you'll be throwing away so much potential in life if you end your life.
Even if there is someone out there for me they're probably in the USA because the American population is so much larger than that of Canada, which dramatically decreases my chances. I have no intentions to ever move to the USA (even though it's fun to go for a vacation) so that increases my chances of being alone for at least a really long time dramatically. I don't feel as if there is any potential in my life. I just quit my job that I had for about a month because it was crappy and I knew I would eventually be fired.
I know how you feel. The people who say being straight wouldn't necessarily help are right in a way, but at the same time that makes the pool A LOT bigger, as you pointed out. You've got a damn good chance at being right anytime that you assume someone is straight. It's just an insanely safe bet we'll say. Add that onto that a lot of gays blend in and it can be really hard to find others because of you not knowing how someone would react if they aren't(and that brings us back to how much smaller our pool is so the chances of finding a bigot is higher). It's nice to talk on forums like this but I've had to turn to apps in hopes of finding some new friends and stuff locally, but they are clogged with a bunch of shallow horndogs. I just feel so alone really and like there isn't anyone out there(even just to talk to). If you weren't such a distance away, I wouldn't mind hanging.
