Through the stress of going through a breakup with a long term partner and friend as well as starting a new job working 50 hours a week, taking on a second job working 20 hours a week, and taking courses I feel like I am falling apart. The worst part is that the person in which I have separated from after 6 years still lives with me. I have tried to move on but it's knowing that we don't act the same together. The other night we got into a stupid fight that was probably both our faults but after that I kind of turned to self harm. I had cut myself multiple times since then. I am meeting with my first therapist on Friday but right now it is really hard and I have even contemplated ending it all. This isn't the life I want or should have...
I get that you have a lot going on, but suicide is never the answer. You're just frustrated and need to blow off some steam, so is it possible for you to spend the night somewhere else? If so, the please do so because hurting yourself isn't going to solve anything. I used to self harm, but I went cold turkey. And I absolutely hate the scars I'm left with and I hate when people start asking questions. Sometimes, I often find myself tempted, so I wear rubber bands around my wrists and I pop them when I feel the urge to self harm. Life is hard sometimes, but you have to learn to cope with everything that is going on. I know it is not easy and I am glad that you have decided to see a therapist. And in the mean time, I think you and your ex need to talk about him moving out asap. Living together isn't healthy for you right now, and I think you need a change. Do not give up hope, there's many resources out there that are helpful and if you need to, check yourself into a hospital.
I do agree that living together isn't going to work out. Why? Let's say, been there done that. And surely self-harm is not going to do any good too (been there done that as well). It's a good thing to see a therapist. However, I believe it would also help if you can find a new hobby or get yourself involve in some other interesting outlet. Nobody says it's gonna be easy, the hurt would be there now and then, but if we will focus on other things aside from that hurt you will know your true strength lies within. Cheer up...
Far too much going on .. for any one person !! No wonder you are overwhelmed. Something has to give. It might be that your living circumstances must change, or the second job has to go, or something. You will probably resist both ideas but surely you have to be in a more manageable position. Stay with a friend for a week? Take a few days off work sick? If things are still very bad you should maybe talk to a doctor. They could help with some short term med. Or a crisis line for more support if needed. Even though you are meeting a therapist on Friday I hope this visit to EC will also help.
Thank you guys for the support. I have dropped my second job but I need something to fill up that free time with. I usually just stay at home which is obviously a bad situation but I don't have many friends around me where I live now. I am under a lease for the next 12 months and when I discussed the possibility of moving out my ex told me that I wouldn't happen and that I would not want to deal with the consequences of breaking the lease. I think it would be a good idea for me to move out so we can let some time set between us. I feel that when he said that was because he wasn't ready to let go. I mentioned moving out once before and told me that it was just a rough patch that I would get over (granted that is not verbatim but it sums it up). He says he loves me but he can't be with me right now. I am not just going to sit around and wait though. I was thought he was the one and now I'm trying to figure out why he isn't the one. Sorry my venting but I find this good way to relieve stress. I am truly appreciative of the EC community as it hasn't gotten me through some rough times just in the past month that I have been a member.
