Hi So I was just wondering if there are any people out there who happen to, like me, have a physical disability? In my very limited experience, I admit that in the past, I've allowed my disability to hinder my dating life. Now that I would like to dive into the LGBTQ+ dating pool, I'm trying to not allow myself to fall into bad habits, i.e. not putting myself out there because of my disability etc. I was just wondering if there are any people out there who have struggled like this? And how it affected their dating lives? And if they possibly have any advice?
Aye. My last girlfriend said she didn't care at all about my disability, but I do sometimes feel as though it's one of the many stumbling blocks makin it hard for me to find someone who can love me.
If you don't mind me asking, and only if you're comfortable answering: do/did you find the stumbling blocks being with your disability and dating in general, or is it targeted at a certain aspect of dating/being in a relationship? I myself, if I'm being completely honest, have issues with mobility in general, so even the idea of taking a walk after a date (if I ever manage to get one) causes me great anxiety - and that's even without factoring in the physicalities of a romantic relationship :icon_redf
I have spina bifida and use a wheelchair to get around. How has it affected my sexuality? For a while I believed most disabled people were bisexual because all the disabled people I knew were. It delayed my coming out as gay because my sexual encounters were limited. That wasn't the only thing that delayed my coming out. My religious mom is the main thing that delayed my coming out. I still won't just get in bed with someone. There has to be some emotional feeling as well as sexual.
Totally agree that there has to be emotional feeling for me as well as sexual - but I haven't gone that far (for a multitude of reasons) the main reason being because I'm worried about my physical limits - I have Cerebral Palsy. It's not just the sexual aspect of relationships that terrify me, but simple things like being out and about with a date. I find it tough to get around (especially in the last few months, my pain has been excruciating) even when I'm with friends, but they're used to me and my limitations. I just don't want to scare off a potential date with all the things I can't do. I never usually let my disability get me down (I was born with it and don't know any different) but lately the worry has increased tenfold :icon_sad:
I was born with cerebral palsy causing an abnormal gait....I have no dating life but I don't know if it's because of my disability or somthing else like I am very shy but also people I meet for the first time think I am a young teenager so I think that probly effects my chances of dating?
I have Cerebral Palsy too. I think for me, it's a mixture of things. My gait is abnormal too and my limp does make me self concious when I'm out and about. Mostly I'm used to stares etc but if I ever manage to start dating I think it'll worry me. I constantly have to know how far things are away and find it difficult to walk and talk as I have to concentrate so I don't fall etc so walking anywhere with a date terrifies me. Does your CP make you feel self concious too? Or is it mostly shyness? What are your main worries when considering dating? Sorry for all the questions, I've just never met anyone that has been in the same boat as me (*hug*) And funny coincidence, people always think I'm younger than I am too!:dry:
hey! Sometimes I get stared at too but I always ignore it now or give them a dumb stare right back when I was younger I used to fall all the time because of the CP but I had an operation on my legs that improved my walking quite a lot but I still walk with a noticeable limp and I always have pains in my feet :dry: having CP does make me feel self conscious when it comes to dating as well because i do have a slight speech problem and usually it's hard for me to say out loud what exactly it is that I want to say which is really annoying because it sometimes causes me to pause and like regather my thoughts I guess and when I'm talking to someone (especiallly when I'm with more than one person) I get ignored or interrupted ALL the time! so that would worry me the most if I ever go on a date! If u have anymore questions feel free to ask! I don't mind at all
Hello Yeah, I sometimes stare right back and they get all embarrassed :lol: Congratulations on the operation, that must have been helpful to you! I unfortunately didn't qualify for any operation and I still fall quite a bit...the aches and pains in my feet and legs are awful sometimes too :tears: My speech isn't affected, just my legs, the type I have is Spastic Dyplegia Cerebral Palsy (meaning it effects my lower limbs) but I stopped having physical therapy quite young and I think my muscles suffered for it :icon_sad: It's my own fault though :dry: I would never dream of ignoring or cutting across someone when they're speaking :eek: that's rude. But, I wouldn't let it bother you too much, anybody that you go on a date with I'm sure will like you too much to be so rude as to interrupt you. I think it's just a matter of getting yourself out there (I know, pot meet kettle, huh?:smilewave) Do you know any other disabled people in your life? Someone that knows what you're going through?
Hey that's too bad you aren't qualified for any operations I got mine all done in the US when I was a teenager. I stopped doing physical therapy as well, I hated it lol and no I don't know anyone else who is disabled
Hello :icon_bigg Yeah, I'm the same, the only disabled person I know is myself. All my friends are really great, though. They know what to do if I ever fall etc. and they very rarely make me feel self-conscious about my disability. I HATED physical therapy :tantrum: but I must admit, it probably would have benefited me now. But hindsight is 20/20 :rolle:
Yah my friends don't care that I have a disability, I find as people get older they care less and less about whether someone is disabled or not everyone I meet over look the fact that I walk different. And yes I agree, physical therapy is always helpful no matter what but will always be a pain in the ass to do and hard to stick with it! If your feet are sore at the end Of The day or whenever u have time do u ever soak them in warm salt water (Epsom salt) that I find helps with the pain a lot and it's so relaxing
Yeah that's true. It's funny, I remember when I was in school, everybody would freak out when I'd fall over, crowding around me and being all worried and I'd just be like "it's cool, I'm fine, this happens all the time". Now they're just, "oh here, let me help you up," and then we carry on with what we were doing. It's better that way though, I think. I never could stick with physical therapy. I started when I was about 18 months and had to go weekly up until I was about 13. Then I just gave up :lol: Ooh thanks for the advice, that sounds lovely and relaxing, I'll definitely try that (*hug*) So, if you don't mind me asking, do you feel as if your disability holds you back in any other ways? For example, I sometimes avoid going out to bars and clubs etc. because of the crowds and my tendency to fall :icon_sad:
Hello again well that's nice when you were in school people were worried about you if u fell, but I bet the crowding around you would b a bit aqward. When I was in school people were mostly rude to me calling me names except for the very few people that chose to be my friends but it's all good because the bullying probly made me care less now about what people think of me. To answer your question I think in school like elementary and up my disability did hold me back a bit when we had special days like 'sports day' I remember in particular not being able to do a lot of the activities and also we had gymnastics class occasionally in school and doing those activities were almost impossible for me because having CP we don't have as good balance as people without it. Now that I'm older i guess I don't let it hold me back as much..I donno, I do go to bars and crowded clubs very occasionally and when I wait in line for a drink and there is people all around me I just push thru the crowd im not sure what form Of CP i have, it's a mixture I guess. I hope soaking your feet in Epsom salt water helps with the pain in your feet, it should!
Yeah, I was bullied too. There was this one guy in particular that made my life hell for 3 years. But, he was just a douche that I ignored most of the time. He did trip me once and I fell into the trophy case and busted my head so that sucked :eusa_doh: I totally agree, I think because of the bullying, I too now care less about what people think, so some good did come of it! Ugh the dreaded sports days. I used to always get a "taking part" award :lol: Good for you! Go rock some bars and clubs :eusa_danc I can't remember the last time I was out, although that has more to do with being swamped with work than anything else. Thanks again for the advice, I really appreciate it :icon_bigg
Oh no really! That's so bad! What an asshole, I don't remember much physical bullying for myself it was mostly name calling I think. When I had the operation on my legs I had to be in a wheel chair for a long time and my bully decided to sneak behind me and recline my wheelchair all the way back so I had to wheel myself to class lying down until someone fixed it for me, that was annoying! Then to get back at him I tried to stab his hand with a pairing knife In cooking class lol :badgrin: ...we both got sent to the principles office Ah, yes! I got several of those "taking part" awards as well, i always got so mad when a teacher gave me one because I knew they HAD to! Ugh! :dry: Do u have to be on your feet a lot because of your job? I work as a cashier right now just until I find somthing better, I'm thinking I want to work in a bank, that way I can sit mostly all day that would be a nice change! And your very welcome glad I could help!
Yeah the name-calling sucked too. Unfortunately, my name happens to rhyme with limpy so my bullies jumped on that :dry: I personally thought they were being very unimaginative but they were a bunch of idiots so I couldn't really expect a smarter insult from them :badgrin: Oh my god that's awful :eek: But good on you getting him back :eusa_clap what an arsehole! Honestly, I worry about some people, how they can possibly think it's okay to treat other human beings in such a way? Ugh. I'm in my final year of college at the moment. I used to have a part-time job but I had to give it up because I've become ill in the last few months, apparently, I'm developing scoliosis. Yay :dry: but I just mosey on, life is life. Ooh a nice bank job would be great :icon_bigg my friend works in a bank and she loves it. It'll certainly be better for you as you won't have to stand for long periods of time. Do you have problems with your balance too? Or is it just aches and pains etc?
What really gets to me in terms of dating is seeing people say "I don't care about weight as long as the person's healthy". Yeah, great, thanks. So my brain and spinal tumours make me unlovable?
Couldn't have put it better, Maddy. People can be really unthinking about such things. I had a fascinating discussion with a blind woman the other day. She was regaling me with stories of when people were very insensitive in how they treated/spoke to her (as if she were a confused child) and were just absolute asshats, being rude, condescending and downright uncaring - most of the time without realising they were doing so. We both spoke about how we don't put ourselves out there in the dating world because of how some people have acted towards us and our disabilities (and with me too, my weight) and how the stigma can follow us around - that we're somehow different or strange to everybody else and therefore not deserving of romantic relationships. Everybody is deserving of love. Whether you're "healthy" or "unhealthy", in my opinion, shouldn't be a factor on if you're deemed "lovable" or not. (*hug*) Nothing (especially something you cannot control) should dictate whether you're capable of being loved. It's just plain wrong to put terms and conditions on anyone.
