What do I do when I need help with everything about my life?

[Read at your own risk]

Okay guys, so basically I've been in EC for two weeks now, and I don't have any idea of how to make use of it. My life may not seem like it, but every personal aspect of it is just a mess: I have no friends or social skills, I have no plans for my future or a job, and I'm in my last year of high school, I've lost my identity as a person and my will to make anything of my life, and other emotional aspects as well. I have no idea where to start trying to solve my many issues, and I feel like I'm just drawing attention from those who really need help, and a part of me actually doesn't care, because as the sad little kid I was and am, all I've ever wanted is attention from someone and to feel that somebody actually cares about me.
And yet I wallow in my own self pity and feel pathetic about it, because no matter if I actually manage to get support from this page, I'm practically asking you guys to solve my problems, which is selfish to ask, and even if you wanted to you can't, but I can't either. I'm in the middle of an existential crisis, I've come to the realization that this is my only life in this world and up until now half of it has been 'joy' and the other unhappiness, and now it's all unhappiness, and I hate that I've spent my best years not doing what I want, not only because I might be afraid to, but because 90% of the time I simply don't have the mediums to do things, it is either (lack of) money, transportation, time, and whatnot.
Here I am, realizing that I no longer have the potential or determination to do anything significant in my life, and have to conform with the fact that all I can do now is spend the rest of my days trying to be happy. Objective which you can obviously see I'm failing miserably to complete. I feel completely powerless over my own life, and have felt like that for the last two years, and increasingly more this year. And now I don't even think that talking about it my actually help at all. :bang::bang::bang:

 

Oh, and by the way, there is no such thing as a counselor in my school, and if I so much as mention the idea of seeing a counselor (or psychologist) to my parents, they'll just think that their son has finally gone insane and finally give up on me. Even if the former was not their reaction, and by some miracle of heaven they actually agreed to getting someone to help me, it would after an hour long interrogatory as to the why I need help, and the only person they would get to help me would be an acquaintance that will charge them cheap, and have no valuable expertise that will actually serve me to solve any of my problems.
The only reason I actually posted this here is because at least here a bit of guilt is removed when I think that those who reply are the ones that chose to lend their time to helping me.

 

I'm just lost, my neck is cramping right now from all the stress that I accumulated just by posting all of this. I guess that the major problem that I'll address now is how I thought I was finally over the fear of: "What will they think of me?" which is actually the least of my concerns, the real fear lies in the "What will they do now?", ignore me? disregard me? mock me? shun me? avoid me? and the worst one: lash at me? (not physically, but verbally, in confrontational manner...I hate confrontations. Everyone always thinks each one is right and nothing productive ever happens.)

---------- Post added 5th Nov 2013 at 07:51 PM ----------

I'm talking about school, but it applies to my home as well, the thing is I just feel that I've lost every opportunity to actually stand up and change things, but I've known the people around me enough to know that nobody actually cares and speaking up my mind now would only make things worst.

 

People already know me, and apparently my behaviour leaves of the impression that anything I do that is outside of my persona should be disregarded or be made fun of, this happen(ed)s with everyone, family included, and like I said, when I should have stood up for my opinions, I just rolled with what they said because it was obvious they had dismissed my opinions right there and then, I never had the courage to stand up for my ideals more than I felt 'necessary' and a negative reaction is to be expected if I tried to "change" my behaviour all of a sudden, but in reality it never changed, I've just never had the courage to stand up for anything, and now I'm crippled by that habit and fear of knowing things will go amiss.
(If I'm making little sense, it might be because this is something I had promised myself I'd never do, letting my problems out in the open for people to see, and I really don't know how to express myself directly).

 

No, I haven't stood up for anything in my life. I feel like people don't have the right to make other people's lives more excruciating that it might already be, even if their own is not going very well; I've gone to 5 different schools, and not once has one of my classmates ever stopped to wonder if what they're doing might be affecting others (classmates or teachers) negatively, and they truly don't care. Another is that homophobia lurks around every corner and by lurking I mean it's carried like a flag just about everywhere, seriously, you just can't mention the word gay without anyone losing their minds, and 'faggot' seems like the standard insult in most places. And I just can't get myself to even try and do something, anything at all, that might get people so much as a different perspective on these subjects. I would go on, but those are the problems I encounter daily.

 

Those schools were spread across 3 countries you know...I've lived in 3 different countries.

...

Look, let's be honest here, I'm probably helpless, and unless I somehow manage to get through all of this on my own, there is no way I might actually be ready for 'real life', but it would be nice to find something that might just push me a tiny bit to go forward, other than just bearing through it all.

 

Thanks, I really don't know what to say... I guess I'll just have to make it my life goal to see one of these good places you speak of Maybe, along the way I might meet someone who wants to look with me, it's really hard to find something on your own you know? But it's also hard to find someone who wants to look with you.

I really appreciate the help, but I have to go, and besides, you've done more than enough, thank you; I think a good night sleep will help me as well.

 

Hey,
I would like to start off by saying: Thanks guys, the hugs are really appreciated :icon_bigg And I posted this, because I knew I'm not the only one with issues, and there is people here who know how to help with those issues.
The reason I came here to EC after I found it a month ago is because I really don't have friends who I can trust, they might be good kids but they simply don't know how to keep things to themselves; when it comes to real life I have trouble opening up to people, because before I get involved I observe, and I don't like what I've seen. It's just so easy for them to turn on in each other by the most measly of things, and those who I know that wouldn't, seem too narrow minded for me to take the chance.
And you're right, computer life alone has never been satisfactory for me, but where can I go if I'm basically 'trapped' in my own home, I don't have friends to go visit, moving to someplace else is not an option, and universities here don't have dorms for their students. I'm restricted to this house and my (divorced) parents have proven themselves unsupportive, they think that I can just wait four more years and after graduating college somehow things will just be better. I know that I could meet someone in college who turns out to be a great friend, and I'd love that, but how can I enjoy a friend if I my freedom of action and speech is restricted by those who 'look' after me?
I know that I'm only focusing on the negative of my life, but I just don't know what is really positive about my current situation or how to bring about that positive aspect into my life and hang on to it.