Hey guys. Well, in September, I posted about enrolling in a Speech class, and that's been going well, at least grade-wise (A-). But as I said in my other post, I have really severe social anxiety, and it's really taking a toll on me. I'm stressed every single day, and mentally exhausted. For the past few weeks, I've been feeling depressed, and lately it's worse. My psychiatrist put me on an anti-anxiety pill (Lorazepam) on Wednesday to help me get through the class, but it's still incredibly hard, and I feel like I'm having a breakdown. Like I said, I see a psychiatrist, and I also go to a therapist regularly, but it's not helping. I feel like I'm bugging my friends by always talking about it too. I've been crying about this every day, and it's making me sensitive to everything else. I just wish I could quit, but I can't. I dropped a class last fall, and was put on financial aid probation. Then, I have a new boyfriend. He's a great guy. We're long-distance, we met online. I'm nervous though, because I don't know what I'm doing. I've never dated, even online, never kissed, etc. I don't want to be too clingy, but I also don't want to be too distant, and I'm not sure what the right balance is. He's been really busy, and he's going through a lot, much more than I am. His mother just died late last month, and he's still dealing with the aftermath, which is a lot for him. His family depends a lot on him. Then he's about to move to another country for a job promotion, so he needs to pack, sell his house, and take care of stuff before he leaves in December. I understand that he's going through a lot, but I wish we could talk more, especially because I'm having trouble myself. I want to tell him what's going on for me, but on the other hand, I don't want to burden him. His issues just seem much bigger/important than mine. Anyway, I don't have a specific question I guess, just getting my feelings out in words, and looking for some advice on both situations. How do I get through my anxiety/depression so I can finish this semester? And what to do with the boyfriend; would it be selfish to tell him that I'm depressed? Or anything else you want to comment on, I'm really lost right now and need all the help I can get. Thanks.
I can't tell you what to do with this situation because I don't know you personally, but I can suggest some ideas. I've noticed a lot of my anxiety with public situations is irrational and made up primarily in my own mind. I think people are watching my every move, just waiting to single me out or humiliate me. In actuality, this couldn't be further from the truth. It is true that we can be our own worst critic. The people around you are not judging you, it is something you're tricking yourself into believing. The next time you are in a public situation and it starts to get overwhelming, remember that no one is judging you (some of them are probably feeling the exact same way as you but can't express it). Also, having someone in the class you can talk to will ease your mind. I know it seems daunting, but making a friend in public situations like this can put your mind at ease. He seems like he has a lot going on, and the distance between you doesn't help that. Long distance relationship can be very difficult, especially if you haven't established some sort of base interaction beforehand. Regardless, he is someone who cares about you and is there for you. It appears he has been telling you his problems, so it is perfectly understandable for you to tell him yours. A relationship is a give-and -take. Tell him how you feel.
