Another "does he like me, should I tell him" thread... Sorry (:

I'm sorry if this is long but I want to put as much info as possible out there to get a response tailored to my situation.

So I am 22 and my friend is 21. We've known each other since high school but we weren't really close until a couple of years ago. He was always like a friend of a friend but he would be at my house a lot and we eventually got really close and started hanging out together.

I first realized I was bi when I was 19, and only really had one big crush besides him. I am not really open about it and most of my friends are straight so I try to keep it pretty hidden. I realized I had a crush on him a while ago, but he had a girlfriend so I figured it would never happen and left it at that.

But then one day about 6 months ago he did a hit of acid with some friends and me. It was great for a while but he may have taken too much or reacted to it badly and he started to panic and got really weird. He couldn't communicate very well but I could tell he was scared so I tried to comfort him by hugging him and telling him it was okay. This helped, but he went from being panicked to over the top affectionate. He kept rubbing his butt against my crotch, and since there were other people around I didn't really go along with it and chalked it up to the drug's effects. Acid lasts a loooong time though, so we were there for hours, me holding him and him snuggling up against me. When he started to be able to communicate more he was telling me to touch him. We had other friends there and I didn't want to be taking advantage of him on drugs so I resisted and tried to keep kind of a distance while still comforting him.

When it wore off and he came to his senses, it became really clear that he was ashamed of what he did and there were some awkward days afterwards. I was still unsure of if it meant anything or it was just a drug-induced attraction that was not sincere. I decided to just keep my mouth shut and let it play out. Well after a couple of days it was back to normal more or less, but it did seem like we were closer and he started calling me his best friend and stuff. It gave me hope that maybe he really did like me.

So a couple weeks pass and he moves in with me, we live with 2 other roommates. I was really happy and he seemed like it too. We both just enjoyed each other's company for a couple weeks, and my feelings for him grew. He got in a fight with his girlfriend and they had a big fall out that resulted in them being on and off for the last couple of months. Apparently he told her he is bi but then told her later he was lying and still loved her (I found this out through other people.) I never liked her so I was pretty against them getting back together and kind of told him that I didn't support it.
Well I don't know if this really got to him or what, but he kind of turned on me and started hanging out with his old best friends and not talking to me much. It hurt a lot but I took it as a sign and tried to move on and do my own thing.

Well that seemed to affect him a lot and he decided he did want to be my friend. He started inviting his friends over way less and we started spending time together again. We got really close again and I got comfortable enough to tell him I was bi, hoping he would pick up the signal and give me a sign or something.
He didn't take it badly, he was really supportive and said that he didn't "think" he was, but that his therapist (who he was seeing because of problems with his girlfriend) told him it would be healthy to experiment.

I regret now not taking the opportunity to say "well maybe we could experiment or something" at the time but I didn't.

After that it got a little bit awkward and he started hanging out with his old friends again for a while. I started to distance myself again, thinking it was done and that he didn't like me.
But that got a response out of him again and he's made clear efforts to hang out with me over his other friends. Him and his girlfriend broke it off for good and he seems happy to be hanging out with me all the time. This is giving me hope again and I want to give him a clear signal that I'm interested, but I don't know how he will react. He's really shy and he doesn't talk about his feelings much. But hanging out with him makes me so happy and I want him to know how I feel and to see if there is anything there at all. I feel like I need to know, because it is really painful going back and forth like this.

So I guess I am coming to you guys to ask what you think. Should I tell him? To be honest I have basically decided to do it, but I don't know how. If he is completely straight, I'll be really sad but I know I can get past it. I think it could make our friendship really awkward for a while but I'm pretty sure we would still be friends in the long run. I just don't know what to say, how to start the conversation. We're both pretty quiet and reserved so its hard to say something so big.

And I don't know to what extent I should tell him. I feel like I'm in love with him, but if he is attracted to guys he doesn't seem to be very accepting of it. So do I say, "I think you're attractive," or like "if you ever decide to experiment, I would be down to help you."
You know? I don't want to just flat out be like "I love you," because I don't think he's at a point now to be in a relationship. To be honest I'm not really either, I'm not out to anyone besides him and 2 other people. But I care about him a lot, and I want to be there for him.

But I'm also really physically attracted to him, and to be honest I would be happy to keep our friendship where it is and just have the physical benefits. So do I make a move physically? Like try to kiss him or hug and touch him more? Or like offer to put on porn and see how he reacts?

I just don't know. The only other dude I've been with I met online and it was understood what we wanted. It's hard to make a move organically like this, especially when I don't know how he will react.

I don't know if I explained this well enough or if you guys can help me, but if you have any input at all I sure would appreciate it. I've been wanting to do it for days but I just get paralyzed not knowing what to do or say. And I feel like I am ready for rejection but it is so scary, especially since he lives with me.

Sorry for writing such a novel about this, but this is still only a fraction of it. This has just become such a focal point of my life right now and I can't stop thinking about it. I just want to resolve it one way or another.

 

Eh I kinda feel like this should maybe be in the "coming out advice" section. Could someone please move it if that's better?

 

Thanks for the advice, confused!
I agree that talking to him would be best but I just kind of feel like he isn't much of a talker and he might prefer a physical thing without really acknowledging it (which I admit isn't the best situation but I like him a lot and I would be open to doing whatever is most comfortable with him.) I know it would probably change the relationship but I would be willing to go out on a limb since this situation is driving me crazy.

At this point I am fairly certain he isn't 100% straight but I just don't know if he's ready to admit it.

I think you're right that bringing up the experimenting thing is probably best, though, I'm just having a hard time bringing myself to do it.

Thanks for reading my long ass post though! Haha. I will keep you posted if anything happens

 

Thank you for your understanding and good advice

I think you are right that he needs to help himself but I don't know if he will accept me or if he feels the same way. I have been trying to do it slowly (telling him I am bi first) but I really like him and I am most likely moving out of state within the next year. I feel like I should tell him but it is so hard to bring up and say and I don't know what a good approach would be. For some reason I feel like it would be easier to make a physical gesture or something, but I am afraid I will freak him out or something

 

Blah so I really wanted to tell him last night. I was building up the courage and wrote out what I was going to say and everything. Then his friend (who I really don't like) showed up out of no where. My roommate tells him not to come over but he takes it as a joke and shows up anyway, and my roommate always plays it off too like it's fine but it really gets to me. He's a really loud and obnoxious person and he's also really physical with my roommate which gets me jealous.

So instead of telling him, I did the passive aggressive thing and locked myself in my room. The next morning I made an off hand comment about his friend and it ticked him off, he immediately invited him over again and he's been here all day being annoying as shit while I am trying to study.

This is turning into me venting, but this really sucks. I keep having ups and downs with him where we will get really close and then something minor will happen and we won't talk for days. This is just so stressful.

 

I probably should apologize but I really do not like this person and having him around kills me. He is the person my roommate brings over whenever he is mad at me and I have this unquenchable jealousy/anger toward him. I want to tell my roommate to have him come over less (or best case scenario not at all) but I am scared to propose an ultimatum or something (eg. "him or me").

I don't know, this sucks. I feel so childish. I just want to know that he likes me more than these other people, but I really don't and I'm scared to find out.

It feels good putting it into words, though, and I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read this and giving your input... It really means a lot to me!

 

An apology feels like the right thing to do, but I don't know. It's been like this for so long and I apologize over and over but it doesn't make me stop hating his friend. The guy has been here over 8 hours a day for the last few days. All I said before was like "is he really coming over all day again?" and my roommate left the room and literally hasn't talked to me since. I get angry and I have a pit in my stomach. So what do I do to apologize? "I'm sorry I hate your friend" doesn't seem to really cut it because chances are my behaviour toward him won't change. I just can't bring myself to not hate him and whenever he comes over I leave or lock myself in my room.

To make matters worse I am getting the feeling that my roommate might have feelings for his friend too, but I don't know if I am delusional. For the last like two weeks it was just him and me and he ignored his friend and didn't invite him over. Then the kid just shows up uninvited and they hit it off like nothing happened and he's been here every day since.
His friend has a girlfriend and she comes over too, but she gets pissed too and sleeps on the couch upstairs while they hang out downstairs. And now today he came over without her and he's still staying 8+ hours.
They've known each other since like middle school so they're close or whatever but this seems like overkill. It seems so weird that he would ditch his girlfriend just to hang with my roommate all day unless he likes him too. God I hate him. ):


I want it to be like it was before his friend was coming over. I was so close to telling him how I feel and then this just pops up and makes me feel terrible. I don't know if I should try to apologize and risk making it worse or I should just ride it out and wait for another opportunity. In the meantime I am anxious and stressed and I can't get anything done. Ugh...

I'm sorry this has turned into me venting. I am just so sad and angry and having this outlet actually does help me feel a little better. The community at this site is so great and supportive.

 

So I tried to meet half way by not verbally apologizing but just like doing nice things for him. I folded his laundry and cleaned up the house and stuff. Neither of us are really talkers and a lot of stuff goes unsaid I feel like. Which is fine, I understand wanting to avoid awkward conversations, but it makes it hard to tell what's real and what's not.

Anyway, his friend still came over yesterday, but he told him to go home early. Then he came upstairs, we smiled at each other, and we hung out like nothing happened. We were both doing homework and not talking a whole lot but the aggressive tension was gone.

After only maybe 10 minutes, he stretched to pick something up and said he felt a strain in his groin and kept complaining about it. I wanted to be like "do you want me to take a look" or like offer to rub it or something but I wasn't sure if he was trying to hint to me or if he actually pulled a muscle (or maybe both lol).
So a little time goes by and I put on a movie. We're watching it for a while and not really saying much, but I was obviously thinking about him and was thinking about if I should make a move or something. We kept kind of glancing at each other but neither of us said anything. To be honest I was kind of turned on, so I started rubbing and touching myself underneath my blanket, not jacking off or anything just touching (sorry for the explicit details), and when I did it he started to do it too underneath his blanket. It lasted a few minutes and neither of us said anything. We both stopped, I think because we were watching the movie and it was kind of a weird movie to touch yourself to, lol, but after a little bit I put my foot against his foot and he left it there for a couple minutes but eventually moved it. After the movie was over we said goodnight, went to bed, and now hear I am writing you guys lol.

I'm feeling better and assuming we're still on good terms I think I am going to tell him on Thursday. :icon_eek: