Did the Church cure my "gayness"

No. No it didn't. What it did was make you feel bad about it.

Seriously, take a step back and look at what you've just said.

"So for the past 3 years I've accepted I'm fully 100% gay" a fact which you seemed quite happy about.

THEN, someone in the church made you think that you can't be gay and still be Christian.
THEN you spoke to some person who asks if you wanted to join the ministry and you said you might.

Now all of a sudden you don't WANT to be gay, because these people might say you're not the good person they think you are.

What they did is make you question whether YOU are a GOOD person.

Now you just said for 3 years you've known you are gay. During those three years these people probably still thought you were a good guy. If they turn around and say that you are obviously not JUST because they find out you're gay, then THEY are the bad people, not you.

 

I think ElliaOtaku's just said a lot about the 'am I gay?' side of this but I want to talk briefly about the Christian stance on homosexuality.

The Bible does say homosexuality is a crime and compares it to sexual immorality and many things which are considered sins. Christians who follow the Bible do consider homosexuality a sin. But I am also part of a Christian group and I have talked to them about it. They told me that God dislikes homosexuality but loves homosexuals. Does this make sense? In other words, you are a good person and God loves you and wants you to be part of his 'family', even though He doesn't agree with homosexuality. You can definitely be gay and still be Christian. But just the actual practise of homosexuality (i.e. having a same-sex relationship or sex with someone of the same gender) is considered a sin, not necessarily the orientation itself. That's what a couple of my local churches told me, anyway. I just wanted to share this with you.

 

Living life as a Christian is not about being heterosexual. It's about being selfless, compassionate, and helping those in need. It's also about love. Castle Walls posted an excellent video in another thread that was very informative and liberating to watch.

[YOUTUBE]ezQjNJUSraY[/YOUTUBE]

 

There is absolutely nothing to be "cured" from. The only thing that needs some curing in this world is the religious hatred and ignorance that some churches spew out. You're gay and you will always be gay. Nothing can "change" you because there is nothing that needs to be changed. Look at that ex-gay Exodus bullshit. The founder of it himself even said it doesn't work.

You can choose to hide and suppress your true self for other people, but in the end it is definitely not worth living a miserable life for other people. As ElliaOtaku said, if people don't accept you for you are, then they are the bad people that you do not need in your life. You can be gay and Christian. This is a good site for that. They have an active forum as well. Gay Christian Network

 

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. (*hug*) It's getting late for me, but I want to post.

Honestly, the chance that you're straight is very low, since you were so certain that you were gay and you don't say your sexual attraction has changed at all, and the chance that your church/god changed you is essentially zero. You're just being sent back into self-denial, and it's not going to change your sexuality however much you want it to. All the evidence points towards sexuality being an innate thing that you can't consciously change. There are gay Christians who felt they were cured, perhaps like you, but then realised that they had always been gay no matter what their beliefs.

Going through these feelings -- fearing rejection, thinking you're straight, etc. -- is completely normal. That doesn't make it any easier, though.

Hm... I don't know if this will be the same for you, but when I came out to a select few of my church family, it didn't lead to rejection or change our relationships, though I feared it would. Becoming an atheist hasn't even changed them despite my leaving my main church. Rejection is a possibility, but it's not a certainty, and if they are the kind of people who would reject your personality because of your sexuality then maybe they aren't such good friends.

If you like, I can offer some varying interpretations of the Bible which show that it isn't such a clear-cut "homosexuality is an abomination". Don't simply accept the doctrine of your church; listen to many people (pro-gay, anti-gay (though it sounds like you get enough of that already)) and do your own research to arrive at your own conclusions.

Finally, to the person who said "do you also not hate or dislike adulteress and murderers": Jesus specifically said to love your enemies. Jesus hung out with sinners and saved and forgave an adulteress. Doing anything else is surely wrong for a Christian.

Edit: Also, go reread what ElliaOtaku said. She's right on the mark.

 

ElliaOtaku is making a lot of sense. I'm just worried you might venture down the path of self-hatred in trying to be an ex-gay Christian, as a lot of straight Christians may really misunderstand homosexuality and speak from a position of well-meaning ignorance.

 

No, that doesn't make sense. Why does he create homosexual people then? Gay people don't need to live lonely and celibate lives. I highly doubt God would intend for that to happen. All most gay people want is just a regular loving relationship like everyone else and I'm sure God wouldn't have a problem with that, if he's any type of good person like he's supposed to be.

 

I agree with Lance too - he's raised a very valuable point. I know a lot of religious people see these sort of things as "challenges" and "tests of faith" that they're born into, but what if it doesn't fall in line with their character? That takes a lot of piety, and what if someone just isn't wired that way? It seems rather unfair that someone is born to be condemned to a sinful life.

 

Personally, I don't believe God considers homosexuality a sin. It was a liability in primitive times where it was a complete waste of energy that could have been used for breeding, but the logistical issue is no longer present. That is what I imagine was part of the intention behind forbidding it, along with marriage being an unequal institution.

^^Back in biblical times, "lying with a woman" was claiming ownership over her. To do so to another man would be abominable because it basically infringes on his civil rights. So it's not even about being gay; it's about dominance. And I can get behind the feeling that dominating another person (outside of pleasurable roleplay) is still a sin.

But loving someone of your same sex? The God I know is not against any kind of love for another person.

 

Denial: Round #2 is very possible. People go into closets -- even from themselves -- as well as coming out of them. Although I haven't thought myself straight after realising I wasn't, I did go through a time during/after a big church camp of having to reconcile my religion and sexuality again, because I was thinking it was wrong.

What's really good is that you're recognising what is happening right now and working on it even though it hurts. Hopefully, because of that, this time won't be as bad as the first time. You're already recalling what it was like when you accepted your sexuality however long ago it was; maybe try thinking about that and seeing if you can find the same relief by accepting it again.

Whether you come out is up to you. Coming out should be a thing you do when you want to -- your sexuality is private unless you declare it otherwise. At the moment, it doesn't sound like a very good time to do so because it may just complicate things for you, although if you go to a therapist of some kind then telling them should help them help you.

 

OP I know exactly how you feel, I have been in a 10 year closeted relationship. Last year we were having issues with an on-off relationship and it was just killing me. In the heat of the moment, I told everything to my mom and everything became hell since. Parents are parents. They have their own thinking. What's worse is the voice in your head that makes sure you feel as sinful as possible. I struggle from this a lot. I have no answer for how to make it feel better, because I have the same guilt. It's like you can reconcile your own feelings with the bible based on your own research and thinking, but then some other christian will come and put you down and tell you you are wrong. It's a struggle and I feel that most people pick their view and stick with it - these are the people who are successful at being happy (i think).