Ugh. Today I had a club meeting with one of the most anti-gay girls at my college. She's friends with a friend of mine on Facebook, and my friend (we'll call her A) was unsure how she felt about her friend who we now know is anti-gay (we'll call her B). We found out because B posted a very long post on facebook, which A shared with me. In the post, B attacked gays and lesbians because they "go against nature". She also posted a lot of racist views in there, and ended her post with a prayer. I'm not religious, but A and I were not pleased that she was praying with so much hate. I didn't think I would have to deal with B. I barely saw her in school, and since A graduated, we no longer had a mutual friend at school. But then she joined a club I'm in, and is on the executive board, same as me. I cannot stand being around her after finding out how much hatred she has in her. After the meeting I was talking with another friend in the club (we'll call her C. I'm so creative with faux names). C was showing me pictures she'd taken while on vacation, and B followed is and was staring over our shoulders and commenting on the pictures. C ignored her for a while (B was interjecting into our conversation in which we were catching up), but B was persistent and B and C started talking. I took that as my cue to leave. As I was walking down the hall, B ran to catch up with me and said she was glad she would be graduating with a friend next term. She was referring to me, as I had said in the meeting that I was graduating next term. We've been to a few meetings together, but we rarely speak. In fact, she forgot my name. But apparently now I'm her friend? And knowing how much hate she has not just towards gay men and lesbians but also towards minorities, I do not feel comfortable being her friend. I also don't feel comfortable telling her I'm bi, or that I know how hateful she is. She has her facebook profile private, so the only way for my friend A to send me her hateful post was to copy and paste it into Skype. I have to work with this person for a while. I feel incredibly uncomfortable around her, especially now that she seems to be trying to force herself into a friendship with me. I'm not sure what to do. I can't tell her I know about her views on gay marriage without incriminating my friend A (who I think may have tried to make her friendship with B work). And she doesn't voice any of these opinions out in public, only on facebook, so I have no opportunity to call her out on her prejudice. Anyway, sorry for the long and potentially confusing rant.
Well, I'm no expert at dealing with homophobic people (I'm quite inexperienced actually), but if you don't want to be her friend, you could casually bring up how excited you are about Illinois and Hawaii passing same-sex marriage. That should push her away pretty quick. Plus, she wouldn't know that you knew from Facebook. She would just know that you support it. Just a thought. I can understand why you might not want to do that though.
Just remember to tell us her reaction! It may sound a bit evil of me, but I'd rather like to hear how this plays out, and how she handles the situation: it may be quite humorous.
I'm a bit evil, too, then. I like hearing follow-up stories like that. But I am probably the least smooth person I know, so I may have to wait and try and find the right time. I'm sure it'd be weird if we were talking about fundraising and I blurted out, "Did you hear about same sex marriage being legal in Hawaii and Illinois now?! Isn't it awesome?" Though, if she is serious about forcing herself into a friendship with me, maybe I won't have to wait that long.
Well if you're not feeling smooth enough to drop it into conversation, you could always 'trip' and grab her boob!
One of my friends casually interjects that she's bisexual into applicable conversations --- and some of her bes friends are people that had always disliked gays. Her casual, "This is how it is, and I refuse to make a big deal out of it" nature has forced people to change their opinions, or to leave. Whatever. She no care. I think that a lot of us LGBT folk could aspire to be a lot like her... You in particular with this "friend" (who is really just a person who might end up becoming a friend... You aren't friends.).
Your friend sounds great. I'm slooooowly working towards not making a big deal of my sexuality, but as it's still something I'm coming to terms with I'm not there yet. I could casually say things like "That girl is super cute" or something with her. I don't think I'll ever call her a friend, though. The meetings we went to together were unpleasant, and not just because I know that she's a racist bigot. She comes off as close-minded and has a tendency to pass responsibility off onto someone else (even though she's the VP of this organization, she's never actually made any decisions or done anything). I really enjoy this organization I'm in, and so I'll just have to figure out how to not feel so uncomfortable around her for the next few months.
