Hey there, it's been a little while since I've written anything. Prepare for another long rant but this forum seems like the only place anyone cares. I've been trying to chat up people for a bit, from forums to apps, and while I have talked to some who I can consider somewhat friends, they are pretty much scattered about so we only talk really. It seems like anytime someone within better range who I feel a connection with and we talk about meeting up(just as friends I should add), they just drop me randomly for any and every reason. This usually leaves me feeling like shit or like I've done something pretty much every time. The first time, which I think I talked about before, this guy and I had been talking for a few days and, since I was heading out near his area anyways, he suggested we meet up at the nearby IHOP to chat. I get there, still a bit nervous, and 10min pass by the meet up time and he stands me up over race. Aside from the few friends I chat with, others have ignored me over that, or because I don't have sex on my mind 24/7, or just for no reason at all or too many random ones. The next main guy I chat with for a bit noticed that I was at the local Starbucks one day and he was heading there anyways, so he asked I wait there. Well I had to go next door for a sec but I came back and he was on his phone so I didn't want to interrupt; I just waved. Next thing I know he is surrounded by a bunch of friends and, being shy as I am at first, he was just unapproachable at the time. Well he apologized before he left but I said it was okay because it was kind of unexpected that we'd cross paths anyways. He doesn't talk for a few days and then he pretty much tells me that I wasn't worth his time because I seemed too shy and uncomfortable with myself(true to an extent but really?). He then calls me obsessively creepy and needy just because I had checked in a few times to see why he hadn't responded back for a few days, after he said he would get back to me the first night....seriously? Well if all that wasn't enough, this most recent guy takes the cake. We talked for over a month and connected REALLY well it seems. He only just came out so he still understood better what I'm going through and just had a fun time talking. He said I was cute with the most genuine looking enthusiasm(as I think he is) and he was hinting around about wanting to be able to meet someone until I asked if he wanted to when we both got the chance and he seemed really thrilled. So he pretty much isn't on or says anything the next few days and then I notice he is gone off my favorites. I thought he was busy but I asked a friend to check if they saw him and it seems he blocked me and I don't even know why. I felt like we connected so well that it actually made me tear up a bit when I found out what happened. Who puts that much effort in connecting to someone, over a month especially, just to leave you in the dust like that? Like I mentioned before, I pretty much have nobody to talk to about in person about anything dealing with being gay, even thinking of going to a therapist makes me a little uneasy because of my discomfort right now. I try to stay positive anytime someone even expresses interest in chatting and then it's just like they all are taking turns to push me right back to this lonely state. So much freakin' hypocrisy when it comes to others it seems...
You asked who puts that much effort in connecting to someone, over a month, just to leave you. The answer is someone you didn't want to know anyway. That's something that's horrible, something you want to stay away from, and something you should be glad happened, because it revealed to you someone you don't want to be involved with. And yes, it hurts. But that's not something that's going to define you, or stop you from looking for people to be close to hopefully. Keep trying, and keep looking. Eventually, you will find people that geniunly want to be your friend and just as importantly, treat you like one.
Why would someone waste so much time like that, theirs as well as yours, if they are planning to just drop you? ...because the way they do it makes it look like they had the intentions for some time. Even the usual ignorant or shallow ones will just do it at the first opportunity they get and that only takes a few min into your conversation for them to decide at most.
It's possible he chickened out at the last minute. You say that meeting people in person makes you nervous - you're certainly not the only one on the planet who's like that. Even here on EC any time anyone is considering meeting up with someone in the real world, even for something casual, there is usually a chorus of warnings about how they could be an ax murderer or something (oddly enough the reaction when someone mentions that they met someone after the fact is usually pretty congratulatory - apparently all ax murderers get you on the first meeting and would never string you along a bit). People often can do OK in a 'safe' medium like online discussion but meeting in the real world, especially when sexuality is involved (even if no on is planning on having any actual sex), can apparently be rather scary for them. In any case, perhaps you should look into other social outlets beyond online chatting? Are there any support groups, community centers, or Meetup groups in your area? These might provide an opportunity for meeting people within the framework of a defined activity(ies) and in a situation where (hopefully) there is the expectation of and desire to meet new people and integrate them into the group. You might make a batch of new friends or even someone more than a friend. It certainly couldn't hurt to try anyway. Just some thoughts, Todd
Nervousness is completely understandable, as I obviously am, but to ignore me for a few days and then block me without saying anything? I'm rarely the one to even bring up wanting to meet up myself unless they hint at it like that last guy did. Now it's making me feel like I did something wrong because I don't get any kind of response after. At least the shallow ones give you some kind of reason as to why they decided to leave you hanging, even if it is bad/wrong. There are no groups in the area that I know of, at least from my own searches; It's a pretty small town. Edit: I haven't had much opportunity to travel lately for various reasons either so I guess I'll have to wait this out at the moment. :\
